The Village

Exams are finally over and students far and wide are blanketting downtown to consume excessive quantities of Boozahol! Oh yes... Not that I drink or club much, but I like to watch other people get drunk.

I got a rather odd invitation last night, though. I was watching American Idol last night, a show I hate, but I wanted to see them boot off that dorky red-headed guy(take that Glen!)! During this time I got a phone call and asked about the details of a clubbing excursion the following night. I said, "Sounds like fun! Where is this club?" She quickly answers, "The village."

I thought nothing of it at the time. I repeated the word village a few times, my mind was focused on other things. Then I went to bed and when I woke up I knew something was wrong. As I often do, I indulged in internal monologue to get to the bottom of what was troubling me.

Me: So... we're going clubbing tonight?
Myself: Yeah... Should be fun... Where did she say that club was again?
Me: The village...
Myself: What... village?
and I: She meant the gay village idiots!!!
Me: *staring blankly* You mean.. happy village?
and I: You know... gay! Homosexual.
Me: *still staring blankly*
and I: Chi Chi man Village!!!
Me: Chi... Chi... man? AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH!!!!!!
Myself: Nice job, Bumblenuts, you just agreed to go to a gay club.

Anyway, obviously I wasn't having any of that. The next day I politely declined the invitation. "Woman! Are you mad??? What the eff do you expect me to do at a gay effing bar?"

"But the musics good and guys don't hit on me as much, don't worry, you're not that good looking, you won't get hit on(that was a dirty shot by the way, Cris!)!! and blablablablabla!" I refused. I'm not a big clubber to begin with, but isn't the point to socialize with potential dates? Throughout the course of the day the word, homophobe came up a few times.

Now I'm many things, but not a homophobe! I prefer to think of myself as... non-homophillic. I'm very nice to gay people. When I see a gay person I give him a stern nod.... No smiling... Just in case. Is it so wrong to refuse an invitation to a gay bar if you're not gay? Imagine the awkardness of being hit on by a guy?

Gayman #1 "You lookin' mighty fine in them there jeans, boy!!!!"
What am I supposed to say to that? "Thank you sir. Your advances are flattering but I'm not gay!"
Gayman #2 "You have really pretty eyes."
Me: "Thank you... I get them from my mother... But... as I told the man with his hand in your pocket, I'm not gay!"

I'm sorry if I sound like an ignorant bigot... I don't mean to offend but...No. Just... No...