Friday, February 25, 2005

"Michael Jackson didn't molest those children! He made love to them!"

I don't know if anyone has been keeping up with the Michael Jackson case. I find it one of the most fascinating media circuses ever!

If you remember last year they had that documentary with that English reporter who you can't help but loathe. He spent a year or something with the King of Pop, complimenting him to his face, "You're a natural with children Michael!" and then bashing him roughly behind his back! "He's the worst father ever! And a pedophile! And he wants to be white!"

A few weeks ago they had a follow up documentary and this one was 10 times as disturbing. I never realized that Michael Jackson always had a boyfriend nearby. Even when he went to the grammy's with Brooke Shields all those years ago, he had a little boy in tow! Who knew?

Another thing I didn't realize, is that the case that was settled a few years ago when Mike paid off the family of a boy he most likely molested, the cops had a rather bizarre warrant on him. Because the alleged victim had seen something readily recognizable on the King of Pop's shlong, investigators stormed his compound and began taking pics of his "penis, his buttocks" et al! There's a job I wouldn't want to have. "Okay, we're hear to photograph your balls and your a-howel..." I think Joe's the only one who would willingly submit to such an intrusive investigation (If you really want to know you could check the message board on Kart's blog Feb 10th). Mike must have resisted somehow. Then what? A battle to unfurl his wang ensues? And what's worse, is they actually found incriminating evidence from this! What could they have found?

Detective Smith takes the stand: "As described by the victim, Michael Jackson shaved his pubic area and has a tatoo depicting Pinocchio's face, and yes, his nose is the King of Pop's Dizz!"

It would make a good comedy movie I think. All the celebrities they have showing up as witnesses.... Eddie Murphy is a witness in the trial! Can you imagine a movie with him doing his Michael Jackson bit from Delirious? Other witnesses include Chris Tucker, Quincy Jones, Jay Leno???? WTF?????? I can just see Big Bird taking the stand...

Big Bird: "He touched my preen gland... again and again... "

Chris Rock: "Michael Jackson only started this s**t when he turned white!"

Then they could start herding in Michael's animals... his giraffe, his monkey... It would be great!

And of course, what media circus would be complete without special musical guests Bel Biv Devoe singing Poison and decked out in good cheesy 80's clothes, Biv sporting his monolithic High Top. "We knew Mike back in the 80's! Before he was a crazy white man!"

Ah, Michael. How could it have went so wrong? Most disturbing is how badly everyone wants to believe he didn't do it. But I think it's pretty hard to deny now. Look at any RnB music video now and you can appreciate how all there movies are just derived from the brilliant and yet twisted Michael Jackson. Now instead of being remembered as the performer who pretty much invented dance as we know it, he'll be remembered as the most notorious pedophile of our time.

Sunday, February 20, 2005

Pics of La Milsa, Pam and Dave's party

Apparently I have an Ofoto account. So practical. Uploads pics in a flash...

Pam's party

La Milsa (better late than never)

Monday, February 14, 2005

Where my Dogs at?

It's probably not something to laugh at but, today getting off the metro, I saw the most incompetent seeing eye dog ever. The poor lady. The dog gets off the metro and then starts walking toward a wall... Then she had to turn it around and lead it to stairs. The damn mutt looked like it was afraid of the stairs. She had to pull it up the stairs. Quite frankly I think she would have been better off without it. The thing had no idea where it was going. And you should have seen that hang dog expression on its face. You know when someone does something really stupid they have this look on their face, "Oh, my bad."

If only the dog could talk. Maybe it would be more hostile and look less oppressed.

Blind Lady: "Walk up the stairs you stupid bitch!"
Dog: "Who are you calling a bitch, whore? Another outburst like that and I'll leave your white ass right here, I swear to Dog I will! I mean, I swear to God! Where the hell are we supposed to be going anyway? The depanneur? F**k that s**t, I'm going to the dog park... You can come if you want."

It raises a few questions. How do you get a totally useless seeing eye dog? I mean, who's responsible? Did they just get lazy like Professors at a bad school? I could see the trainer doing a test run of the dog. It starts meandering over train tracks and into manholes. Starts likcing itself in the middle of a highway. It pees on the guy walking it. Then the trainer decides, "Meh... Good enough! It's just a dog after all. A+!!!"

That would be the ultimate practical joke. Replace some guy's seeing eye dog, with some kind of retarded rottweiler. The guy leaves his house and the dog leads him out to bum effing nowhere, with nothing but cacti and tumbleweeds all around him. The following week his friends see him on the side of a milk carton and laugh their asses off. "That was the best! Even better than the time we replaced his guinea pig with a lobster!!!!"

*coming soon* pics from Pam/Dave's party.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

Chinese medicine

Here's a strange one. When I was sick last week, I asked the sweet lady who works in the lab if she had any suggestions on how to fight it. She's chinese, so I guess I had some vague notion that she had some ancient mystical cure for me. What she told me was too funny though. She said, "I have something, but it's for chinese people. I don't know how it would affect people from other races."

I replied, "What??"
She clarified by giving me an example of what the word race meant, "I don't know how it would affect Black guys, white guys... etc... It might kill you! How can I know?"


So I asked the next logical question. "What about Japanese people? Can they take the medicine?" She told me they could. "What about other asians? Koreans? Vietnamese people?"

She explained that she had no idea how the medicine worked. She just knows that if chinese people take it when their cold is just starting, it usually cures it. Fascinating. I had learned that the genetic differences between one race and another is less than 0.01% or something like that. Is that difference sufficient enough that we would all have different medicines?

I almost want to try the medicine just to see what would happen. Or maybe get a range of people of varying asianess to try it out. What if I gave it to Vrej, technically West Asian. How would it affect him? Maybe he would become Chinese. There was an episode of Star Trek where they tried to cure this guy of a disease using some kind of futuristic technique, and it began activating dormant genes in his genome. Naturally he began to de-evolve. What do I mean de-evolve? You know those diagrams where the monkey turns into a man? Well, this went in the opposite direction until the guy became a caveman then eventually a spider creature. Then other people caught the viruse, and they all de-evolved too until the whole ship was filled with cavemen and prehistoric acid spitting lizards things....

Yeah, I promise to cut down on the star trek references from now on. Unless I do end up taking the medicine and it does somehow transform me.

Friday, February 11, 2005

The Rezolution of Kman's Cup of Moist JoeStud's Musings

Blogs are like the Borg... At first there were only a few, but in a short time, they proliferated like deadly cyborgs, over-running the internet. And like the Borg, all of our individual blogs come together. We are one... This blog is an expression of that oneness, as well as an expression of the envy I feel for not having a cool sign off.

I was walking down the street when some smoker tells me he prefers Full Screen Movies to wide screen! What's up with everyone being stupid except me??? Man, being an engineer is tough... We see so little action, we use condoms as balloons! And we fill balloons with ketchup to throw at politicians who work for Bush! Corrupt racist american bastards, always trying to keep a brown guy down! FYI, I haven't showered in a week!

Hooray for anime and other bizarre hobbies! EXPOS!!! Star Trek!

Kman says: "I'm Joe Greiss and I have no penis! And that's my cup of Mo!"

The final touch would be to not update my blog for many months. But sorry Jbo, that's not what Gregg Factor is about! Gregg Factor is part of a collective! Just like a beehive! It's about many voices becoming one... Long live Black Log

Monday, February 07, 2005

Resistance is Futile!

Well, I thought i was invincible. Anyone who's spent time around me while they were sick has heard my boasting. I believed my immune system had become too powerful to allow any disease to breach the bastion of strength and the virility that was my body. I would have gladly french-kissed a gangrenous leper to prove it too! "Are you sick? What a sissy! I haven't been sick in years! You know what that comes from? A strong immune system! I don't wash my hands every two seconds. I let my immune system cope with what is thrown at it so it can adapt. Much like the Borg from Star Trek adapt to different phaser frequencies." When I was feeling particularly grandiose I would even throw in a comment about how I was hit by a car and not hurt. I thought I was... Superman.

Now with my raspy throat and runny nose, I suppose it's impossible to deny that I am somewhat vulnerable. I know what it is too. I had to correct 60 lab reports. I know a few people who were sick... God only knows how many different viruses I was exposed to as I went from one lab report to another. Filthy students...

And this flu, cold... whatever it is.. seems to be getting worse. My throat is better, but I keep sneezing. And I have a really bad headache. I've forgotten the taste of bread and berries... The sound of water... I'm alone in the dark... and behold nothing but a wheel of fire!!! I can see it with my waking eyes!!!!

Hopefully it will pass soon, and I will infect as few people as possible. To everyone who I watched the super bowl with... Sorry in advance.

Speaking of the super bowl. What's the deal with going from Janet Jackson and Justin Timberlake to Paul McArtney? The guy is too old... That's final. Did everyone here him bellowing, "THANK YOU SUPERBOWL!!!!!!!!" ? I think he's getting a little senile.

Big whoop! We saw Janet's 40 year old teat. Are you going to punish the world for ever now? Who'll be performing next year? The Pope???

You can't just play it safe all the time. Sure, I could avoid sick people to avoid getting sick... And we could try and hide the children of the world from explicit sexual material. But resistance is futile! The germs will get you eventually and sooner or later, everyone gets to see a woman's breast! Even Engineers!

Thank you Super Bowl. Thank you for helping me come to terms with my illness....

ps. If you think the Borg are super cool and awesome then go here...