Friday, February 25, 2005

"Michael Jackson didn't molest those children! He made love to them!"

I don't know if anyone has been keeping up with the Michael Jackson case. I find it one of the most fascinating media circuses ever!

If you remember last year they had that documentary with that English reporter who you can't help but loathe. He spent a year or something with the King of Pop, complimenting him to his face, "You're a natural with children Michael!" and then bashing him roughly behind his back! "He's the worst father ever! And a pedophile! And he wants to be white!"

A few weeks ago they had a follow up documentary and this one was 10 times as disturbing. I never realized that Michael Jackson always had a boyfriend nearby. Even when he went to the grammy's with Brooke Shields all those years ago, he had a little boy in tow! Who knew?

Another thing I didn't realize, is that the case that was settled a few years ago when Mike paid off the family of a boy he most likely molested, the cops had a rather bizarre warrant on him. Because the alleged victim had seen something readily recognizable on the King of Pop's shlong, investigators stormed his compound and began taking pics of his "penis, his buttocks" et al! There's a job I wouldn't want to have. "Okay, we're hear to photograph your balls and your a-howel..." I think Joe's the only one who would willingly submit to such an intrusive investigation (If you really want to know you could check the message board on Kart's blog Feb 10th). Mike must have resisted somehow. Then what? A battle to unfurl his wang ensues? And what's worse, is they actually found incriminating evidence from this! What could they have found?

Detective Smith takes the stand: "As described by the victim, Michael Jackson shaved his pubic area and has a tatoo depicting Pinocchio's face, and yes, his nose is the King of Pop's Dizz!"

It would make a good comedy movie I think. All the celebrities they have showing up as witnesses.... Eddie Murphy is a witness in the trial! Can you imagine a movie with him doing his Michael Jackson bit from Delirious? Other witnesses include Chris Tucker, Quincy Jones, Jay Leno???? WTF?????? I can just see Big Bird taking the stand...

Big Bird: "He touched my preen gland... again and again... "

Chris Rock: "Michael Jackson only started this s**t when he turned white!"

Then they could start herding in Michael's animals... his giraffe, his monkey... It would be great!

And of course, what media circus would be complete without special musical guests Bel Biv Devoe singing Poison and decked out in good cheesy 80's clothes, Biv sporting his monolithic High Top. "We knew Mike back in the 80's! Before he was a crazy white man!"

Ah, Michael. How could it have went so wrong? Most disturbing is how badly everyone wants to believe he didn't do it. But I think it's pretty hard to deny now. Look at any RnB music video now and you can appreciate how all there movies are just derived from the brilliant and yet twisted Michael Jackson. Now instead of being remembered as the performer who pretty much invented dance as we know it, he'll be remembered as the most notorious pedophile of our time.

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