Tuesday, September 28, 2004

Do these have trans fats?

I was in a pretty lousy mood yesterday. I was just looking for something to complain about. So I came across a box of Oreo cookies. They have a long rant on the back about how good and wholesome they are. So I grinned wickedly to myself and looked at the ingredients on the side, hoping to find some ingredient that sounded chemical and not so wholesome. Surely I would find something like, Ethidium Bromide or 'may contain traces of animal semen'... Producers would do anything to extend the shelf-life of their unhealthy products. Even if it meant introducing a toxin into the population that would mutate future generations into bizarre, emu creatures...

But all I found was something called soya lecithin. I don't think that's so bad. It certainly isn't worthy of a blog bashing. "Oh diss!!! Oreo's have Soya Lecithin!!!" Who cares? After eating 4 delicious Oreo cookies I decided that Orea cookies are in fact perfect. Creamy icing sandwhiched in between two perfectly round biscuits made from rich, dark cocao. All of this, infused with the awesome power of soya lecithin.

So might I suggest you unlock the magic... Go have some Oreo cookies immediately.

Sunday, September 19, 2004

Nerds

I can only imagine how confusing it must have been for the guy at the Depanneur last night, when seven 23-24 year olds, of various ethnicity, bust in and start rifling through the candy. Loud comments and rude jokes abounded while we selected our sugary treats, all the while I'm expecting the guy behind the counter to pull out a shotgun or something.

Anyway, any fear felt on his behalf was of course, unfounded. I just felt like having candy. I never feel like candy but I suddenly got the urge. I suspect it's because I stopped having sugary cereal for breakfast. Maybe my body is craving sucrose.

So, sucrose body wants, sucrose body gets. I bought those fuzzy peach candy's, watermelon candies, little chewy coke bottle thingies... It was great... Today I asked my mom, "You know what I love about Willy Wonka's nerds?" My mom immediately replied, "Willy Wonka was thoughtful enough to name a candy after you?"

Both of us simultaneously, "OOOOOOOOOHHH!!!" (diss!!!)

Then I continued, "No, actually, what I love about nerds is they have two sides to the box. You can pick two flavours!"

I do heart my Nerds. I really think I have some growing up to do. I think all of my friends have some growing up to do. I really had to do some soul searching when Kenny told me he couldn't sleep cuz he was on such a sugar high from all the candy he ate. When you're 23 years old and ruining your sleep and probably your appetite with Candy, somethings wrong.

Friday, September 17, 2004

MIB

So last Sunday I was watching Men in Black the movie. I realized how much I really did enjoy it. It was fun, good special effects... I love that giant cockroach creature at the end. Sure enough, a few days later I find myself listenning to the Men in Black Soundtrack on the way to school.

What an amazing soundtrack! The biggest shock was that after all these years, I still remember the words to most of the songs. Particularly Make You Happy that my cousins and I used to sing, arguing over the lyrics:

Baby let me make it happen
Take you ridin' in my caddy
If you want me, you can have me
You can even call me daddy
Good lovin' chocolate covered
Sweeter than a mother, mother (MOTHAAAAA!!!!!)
Make you never want another
Freak you underneath the covers

I can make it happen
If you want me to
Let me make ya happy like your man won't do

One thing I seemed to notice for the first time, is that for a movie about extra-terrestrials about to destroy the planet, the vast majority of the songs are about getting "freaked underneath the covers".

Excellent soundtrack, but I have to admit when Men in Black started playing on my diskman with Will Smith busting out those High School Homeboy lyrics, I turned down the volume. It was pretty embarassing. I could just see some white guy popping up out of nowhere, "Are you listenning to Men in Black by Will Smith??? Dude... that is so gay!"

Why doesn't Will smith make raps to his movies anymore? Those were good times for everyone... I, Robot could have used a cheesy ass rap song.

In bed I'm like a Robot
Makin' love to my Ho Bot

Now Dance wit me, Just Dance wit me, Just dance wit me!!!
Let me see you just slide with me, just slide with me, just slide with me!!!

Yeah... And they could play it on the radio every two minutes. And there would be an awesome music video with robots dancing with Will Smith... Bad Boys, The Legend of Bagger Vance, Ali... All should have cheesy title raps!! In fact... I say they make a law, that any movie with a black guy, the lead actor should do a rap song. Malcolm X. The Negotiator. Training Day. Amistad. Play the race card up!!!!! I can't wait to have my own movie.

I'm a rapper slash actor
Welcome to Gregg Factor
Bulldozin' Mc's like a tractor
That's why I macked em' and sacked her!

Yeh. I can see the music video with corny dance.... Motions like driving a tractor intermixed with pelvic thrusts. Greggscellent.

Monday, September 06, 2004

Masta in China

The much anticipated spinoff Blog is here!!!!

http://mastainchina.blogspot.com

It's comin at yeah!!! BIG!!!!!