Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Pillaging in the Ghetto

There are upsides to living in the ghetto and being friends with the Janitor. First off let me say the new Janitor is awesome. The building is actually clean and he put up Christmas decorations in the lobby. He's Cote St-Luc's leading supplier of Pron! Also of interest about the Janitor... He believes the story of King Arthur is true. While pouring through my collection of movies he came across king arthur and like most crazy people felt compelled to give me his point of view on this contreversial subject. "You know it's based on a real story!!!" he declared. What a guy.

Anyway, after a recent visit to my apartment to aquire some movies, the Janitor told me about a vacancy in the building. It was a Thursday and scrubs wasn't really holding my interest so me, the Janitor and his little son went to the apartment and began pillaging....

Oh what lovely treasures were left behind in the now nearly vacant four and a half down the hall. Office chairs and... a black folding chair... An aquarium and tables and stuff. Oh and a lamp. I casually mentionned that I could use an office chair. The Janitor nodded solemly but said nothing.

Until today! He asked if I wanted some stuff. So I went and took things like a common viking, looting pillaging and yes... raping all that was left behind in the apartment!! Now I sit in this luxurious office chair with all the office chair functions a Masta of CSG could ask for. It's good for sitting on, leaning on. It has arm rests. It can be deployed at several heights and I have yet to examine if it has any reclining function... let me check....

It has no reclining function.

I also tiefiscated a lamp that I have no use for and a derelict black chair... For sitting! The Janitor also asked me if I wanted the abandonned aquarium. I laughed at first then thought to myself... the price is right...

Anyway, just a quick post to express my grattitude for my Janitor's Jawa-esque culture.

Oh, and also I'll be off to San Diego by Friday. I'm going to a Cell Biology Conference to present some research. Incidentally, temperature there on Friday: 21 degrees Celcius. Temperature in Montreal: High of minus 7. I imagine that will make your orifices pucker and your genitals wither!!!

Have a nice weekend, jerks!!!! If you survive, feel free to leave a message.

From Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

Arthur: I am your King.
Peasant woman: Well I didn't vote for you.
Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well how'd you become king, then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by devine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I'm your king.
Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: You can't expect to weild supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: If I went 'round sayin' I was an emporer just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

New Hobbies

I really think I would like to get into some more extreme type sports. Man, I'd be ... errr.. the man, if I were an expert Polo player... But not just any polo... ELEPHANT POLO!!! I imagine that would be exciting. Maybe not so much for the elephant... What do you think goes through an elephants mind while playing Elephant Polo? "Man, I hate human Polo. This game is super lame. I wish I worked in a circus..." The horses probably aren't too pleased either. "What the hell??? Polo is our sport! This is makes me as uncomfortable as Jack Nicklaus when Tiger Woods started playing golf!"

Also, since last week, it's also been my life long dream to become a free runner. You know those guys who jump across rooftops and stuff? The idea is to make your entire environment an obstacle course. I think I might drop out of school to pursue this. I bet I'd be sick at free running! Watch the video! The guy starts climbing buildings and stuff... Like... spiderman! Or the matrix!

They're actually starting a free running club in Toronto. But I'm a strong believer in going to the country of origin to learn something. That's why I sent Jen to Bangkok!! I want her to come back and make me the best Pad Thai I ever had! As for free running I guess I should go to Europe. And elephant Polo... My understanding is that's popular in Nepal.

So yeah.. Don't stand in the way of my dream! Please send a cash, check or money order to MastaCSG. As I said, Snake Charming is my life long dream and I need to be funded. Do it!

Wednesday, November 29, 2006


I have to go on another bus rant. Have I ever mentionned I hate the kids on the bus when I'm coming home? Always cursing and swearing and ignorant. I was on the bus with a friend the other day when some girl was talking about the new Nintendo. I think???

Girl: "You know that game... Where you hunt the ducks??? What's it called?? Duck.... shoot??"

I was arrested for scaring all the children. Upon my release I found myself on the bus again. There was one kid trying to explain some kind of hooliganry he had engaged in this week. He was showing some of his idiot friends something.

Stupid kid: "Yeah... then I showed my friend jerkface and he's like... What the f**k??? And I punched him... and he punched back. And we got into a fight. And the principal shows up.. And he's like... What the f**k?? and everyone hates me..."

But the winner of the stupidest kid I've ever seen in my life, goes to the white kid I saw on the bus today. The kid was wearing the usually baggy clothes associated with rappers on MTV... Let's say he was about 14 years old. The kid was wearing a grill... That foolishness you put on your teeth and the BEST PART... An earring that looked kind of gold. The earring said THUG.... That was the best thing I've ever seen. I wanted to slap the kid in the face just to remind him that he's nothing, certainly not any kind of thug. And then walk off the bus.

Anyway, thanks stupid kid. I know what to get Jen for Christmas. An earring that says THUG. You know you like it!!

Monday, November 20, 2006

"If people would only look to the cookie!!!"

In the interest of freshenning up the new blog, I think I'll post something new. Gregg factor is not about these, Dora Dildos and... butthole pleasures... Dirty Sanchez and the hot carls and the rusty trombone and the hanging brain! It's about racism.

And so it is my duty to write about Kramer going on that racist rant the other day. For those of you who hadn't seen it, Kramer from Seinfeld started yelling at a bunch of black guys who heckled him at a comedy show the other day.

It's pretty awesome when you think about it. I admire the guy. Not too many people would have the balls to go up on stage in front of an audience, apparently with several black guys and say what he said. The most offensive part of all of this is his apology on David Letterman. He says, "The worst part of all of this is I'm not a racist."


Ummm... Once you say that once upon a time black people would have been hung upside down with a fork stuck in their ass for interrupting a white man, you're at least a little racist, no? I think at that point you just have to flaunt your racism. Embrace it. He should have gone on Letterman saying, "I regret nothing... This is my position and I stand by it. Black people who heckle white people should be lynched! I'm Michael Richards; Racist."

It's pretty sad when you realize that on Seinfeld he was the open minded character. He had the black lawyer, the black girlfriend in one episode. Imagine all those black people now who had shared a scene with him.

You know, the best thing he could have done is pretended he was on drugs or something the next day and go into rehad. "I was just going through some thangs, that's all!" Lay low from a little while and then emerge and all these problems would go away.

Meanwhile, Rosie Odonnel is "defending" Clay Aiken?!? Apparently he was co-hosting Regis and Kelly with Kelly. And during the show while Kelly was talking Clay Aiken put his hand over her mouth and Kelly didn't like that and said so on the air. Rosie Odonnel is "sticking to her guns" claiming Kelly Ripa's reaction to Clay Aiken putting his hand over her mouth was homophobic.

People are so afraid of hatred. Racism, homophobia (fear of... one?) and I think the reason is really that it's human nature to be prejudice. When we see it in other people we want to deny as much as possible that it exists in ourselves. The fact that Michael Richards said he's not a racist is HILARIOUS to me. And the fact that Rosie Odonnel said Kelly Ripa is a "homophobe" cuz she didn't appreciate Clay Aiken clasping his filthy hands over her mouth is equally HILARIOUS.

People are in denial. God bless Kramer for his hateful, cathartic racist explosion. It's kind of sickenning, but it's kind of a reality check when people just go nuts like that. Shows us what's inside just how bad people can be deep down. I mean sometimes people let the N-word slip, but he went on an all out hateful rant!!! CRAZY!!! Did you see some of the audience? Sure most people were horrified but Some people not sure if they should keep laughing. "Hanging black people?? Kramer's right! We were all thinking it!!! LET'S DO THIS!!"

And a pox on Rosie Odonnel for trivializing prejudice by pointing a finger at someone for not wanting to be molested by some random dude, who hapenned to be gay. I think the only suitable punishment for Rosie Odonnel having the balls to exist, is to have her cloned, so that the clone can make sexual advances on Rosie Odonnel. Then they'll be forced to have a relationship and listen to themselves talk so they can realize just how vile they are. Oh yeah, and she'll have to have sex with herself. That's the only way she'll learn. I can just see her in the shower after the experience, "Wow... That was really disgusting... and annoying."

I really don't like her... NOT cuz she's a lesbian. I love Ellen. I have loved Ellen. She's so sweet. Some of my best friends are lesbians, really.


I don't know any lesbians... Alright, that was in poor taste... But the worst part of this is, I'm not a homophobe!!!

*Vrej, I really don't know how many D's are in Rosie Odonnel but I"m sure you'll tell me if I've mispelled it. I refuse to look it up. But whether the name takes double D's, or C's... Quite frankly I like to think of Rosie Odonnel's breasts as little as possible..*

Monday, November 06, 2006


I knew it would happen someday... I was going to just post it as a message but I think it's worthy of an entire post. I got home from work late and saw the janitor waiting in the lobby. The usual type of conversation ensues.

Janitor: Hey, I was just at your apartment I wanted to give back your movies!
Me: Cool, it's no rush.
Janitor: Have you seen Mission Impossible 3?
Me: Yes?
Janitor: Have you seen that movie... ummm... little man???
Me: No but... that REALLY doesn't interest me...
Janitor: Have you seen... oh... horror movie...?
Me: :-
Janitor: Mmm... What about Prono??? Do you like Prono??"
Me: What???
Janitor: Prono... I burn Prono DVD's for my friend.."
Me: Pro.... OOOOOHHH... Prono... As in Pronography. No thanks, I don't want any prono...

I was afraid he would start offering me pronography. From the moment he started offering me movies I knew prono would come up. Of course, it's for his friend. I'm sure he doesn't watch any pronography .

Wednesday, November 01, 2006

Moi, c'est le ghetto dans mon jacques cartier

It's been over a year since I've been living on my own. The conditions have been steadily deteriorating since new management took over. The last straw for me was the lack of heat on several occasions. So I called the building manager, yelled at him and sent a registered letter. Not more than a week afterward, the manager was fired and the old janitors were replaced.

Too good to be true? Of course... I rejoiced on Saturday when gales of heat fountained out of the radiators. I was pleased when some... random... old guy came to my apartment to make sure the heat was working. But I was somewhat confused with why the janitor was there. The janitor is an Indian guy, pleasant enough with a typical indian accent. He's probably about 30 years old. He usually smells of cigarette smoke.

So the random old guy checks the radiators and approves. The janitor is suddenly looking at my movie collection. "You like movies?" he asks... I respond that I do. He then starts reading titles. "I love movies... My entire storage space is filled with movies... Anytime you need anything just let me know... Have you seen that movie... The Inner... Man... Insider? Man.. With ..."

Anyway, he goes on about his creepy movie obsession and then leaves. Later that evening, the doorbell rings. Someone shows up at the door in a Domino's Pizza uniform. I didn't order any pizza. I open the door, not recognizing the goofy guy at first. Of course it's the janitor, allegedly here to check the radiator again. sigh... He busts in and finally asks what he's been dying to ask me all along. He wants to borrow movies. Damn... it begins...

He borrows Anchorman and Bad Boys 2. Fine whatever.

Today is November 1st. He wants the rent of course. I see him in the hallway bringing a couch downstairs he tells me he'll be up in 20 minutes to get the rent. He shows up at the door, I have the check ready. I intend to just give him the check and go back to my business. He returns anchorman and bad boys 2. But the poor janitor is now thirsty.

Janitor: "Hey... do you have a glass of water?"
Me: "Actually I..."

By the time I turn around he's already perusing my movie collection again. At least he takes off his shoes. I hand him a glass of water (a glass which will be discarded).

Janitor: "Do you like Blade movies??"

Oh no... Not blade... My favourite vampire hunter... My hero.

Me: "Yeah, I love them... Not so much the 3rd one but it was still good."
Janitor: "Could I borrow Charlie's Angels and Blade 1 and 2 and 3."
Me (scandalized): "How about you try borrowing 2 at a time for starters."
Janitor: "Okay, Charlie's Angels and Blade 1 and 2. I'll bring them back tomorrow."

I"m thinking that's still 3 movies. But whatever... He brought back the last movies and I really just want him to get the hell out. "Fine, fine..." Then he starts offering me stuff, "Do you need a clothes umm... cupboard? Some night tables?"

Me: "Ummm... I... don't... know..."
Janitor: "Do you need mission impossible 3? 5$!!! I get hooked up because I run a video blablablablabla..."

5$ for mission impossible 3?? How about 0$ and you get out??? What the hell is going on here? When did this man become a part of my life?? I thanked him for his generosity and ushered him out of the house. But here's what really bothered me.

1) He's borrowing my movies
2) He's burning them and running some illegal movie piracy business
3) He has the brass balls to charge me 5$ for a pirated movie???

It is official. This building is now the archetype for all things ghetto. I really want this to end. The rent is good though. The apartment is nice. It's hard to give up. But... it just feels so wrong to be part of this guy's little movie piracy hustle. Especially since he's not giving me a cut. What do I do? Confront him? Or just wait until he has gone through my entire movie collection so he'll lose interest in me? What a bother...

Thursday, October 26, 2006

Degeneracy Revisited

If there's one thing that makes me lose faith in humanity, it's people who can't open the back door of the bus. I've written about this before. Nothing makes me so angry as people who can't figure out that the back door to the bus works with motion sensors. If there are stairs, walk down the stairs, if there's a big hand drawing on the door you put your hand on it and magically the doors open and you can be free of the bus.

To this day there are still people who can't figure it out. They walk up to the door and just stand there helplessly. Then people wonder why bus drivers are so bitter. It must feel like some kind of horrible punishment to have to chauffeur the unworthy around town. All the obnoxious yelling, cell phone ringing and noise to bring someone to a place that couldn't possibly improve their life. I mean, if they can't open a door, where are they going? Really?

You'll notice that generally people who can't open the doors are slightly older so maybe the answer to life's problems lie in future generations. We can place our hopes on the children. Today I saw a bunch of bright students on the bus from the local high school. They were all dressed in uniforms, trying their best to make the uniforms look as slovenly as possible. One of the students, I'm guessing around 15 or 16 years old was sitting at the back and some of his friends showed up. He saw this as a chance to show off and suddenly became very loud. He decided to pick his friend's brain with this hypothetical scenario.

"Imagine you got a date with Jessica Alba... Somehow you managed to get a date with the hottest woman on earth. And you show up to her house, go into her bedroom and you find her lying in bed naked. But here's the catch... She had a heart attack 2 minutes ago... Do you still have sex with her?"

Yes, I'm sure you're just what Jessica Alba is looking for in a man (seriously though I hear she's pretty slutty). The other troglodytes began asking for details, how long has she been dead, when is someone considered officially dead. One of the kids explained that it takes 12 minutes for a body to be completely dead so he would probably try to finish with her before she was "actually dead". The elderly people on the bus were not pleased and the younger people were traumatized.

Anyway, the reason I called this post Degeneracy Revisited is because it is the name of one of the sections in the textbook. I'm supposed to teach the students about how the genetic code is degenerate meaning many genetic “words” can code for the same amino acid. I'm imagining all the students who read book after book, and spend years in school and still the world is in a pretty sorry state. And that's simply because there is no cure for stupid. These kids from the hight school in the area could spend the rest of their lives in school and they'd still be a bunch of cretins. They litter and speak profanely!! What if I end up TAing one of them??? It just bothers me to think of educated people who could shoot off some facts about science or commerce or economics. But they'd still be grotesque simpletons.

So I transferred buses and at one bus stop you could hear the pathetic cries of someone at the back. "MONSIEUR!!! MONSIEUR!!!" I turned to look at the bus driver. I've never seen so much venom as he muttered under his breath, "Mets ta main sur la porte petit *grumble grubmle*" And when I looked back I sawthe little kid from the other bus who asked us all to consider the deepest of philosophical questions, "Would you do Jessica Alba if she was dead?"

And with his vast battery of knowledge about forensics and god knows what else they learn in school, our degenerate necrophiliac was still unable to open the bus door.

Sunday, October 22, 2006


The posse came over for Vrej's birthday. We watched the hockey game (Habs won 8-5 which I understand entitles us to free food at Cage Aux sports though I can't find the site). We played video games namely Halo. Ordered massive amounts of food and ate cake.

Behold, Marie Eve's latest cake, an endeavor that took her 5 hours to create! Marie Eve tells me that Mario actually has 2 moustaches. You don't want to know where the second one is. Thanks for the tasty treat... (though if Memory serves mario has an 'M' on his hat... How about a little effort next time, huh??? I'm kidding, beautiful cake. It was a work of art).

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It was cool that lots of people showed up to the Crizzouse for the first time. Amish, Milen and Kevin were Crizzouse come by anytime people. When you're at Crizzouse, you're family.

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Among the no shows were Mo. What the hell Mo??? People were also asking where Jen was and if she really exists at all. Marie Eve, jaded at being the only girl present at most of these events that normally involve Halo and other video games, was particularly curious about the wereabouts of this "Jen" character. This resulted in an uncomfortable conversation with Jon.

Jon: "Where's Jen?"
Me: "She's in Korea."
Jon: "Sure she is... Is she coming back?"
Me: "Yes..."
Jon: "When?"
Me: "Before Christmas..."
Rez: "You don't really have a girlfriend do you?"
Me: "I do! She called me from Chicago!"
Jon: "I thought you said she was in Korea."
Me: "Oh.. yeah... I always mix up Asian countries."

It's kind of ironic because Jen doesn't believe I have any friends either. It's kind of like the Big Bird/Mr Snuffleuppagus drama. For those of you who remember, in the early days, no one believed that Big Bird had a friend named Mr. Snuffleuppagus because he would run away whenever people showed up. Of course eventually people saw Mr. Snuffleuppagus and knew that he existed.

But what if, unlike Big Bird, I'm just crazy. Maybe I have no friends, girl or otherwise. Maybe I imagine these elaborate evenings and all the people I think are closest to me are figments of my imagination. Maybe I have some kind of multiple personality disorder that manifests itself as me photoshopping imaginary people into my pictures and posting messages on my blog under different names. What's even wierder about that is, some of my imagined friends don't believe that other imagined friends exist!!! That would be creepy. An imagined social life. I know there's a movie plot in there somewhere.

Anyway... Happy Birthday Vrej? If you truly exist, I hope you enjoyed yourself. Always a pleasure having you guys over.

Wednesday, September 27, 2006


My most humble apology to all of you Greggophiles out there(Factorphiles?). Work's been pretty crazy and it takes some time and effort to format these pics.

So lots of people ask me, "Hey Chris, what did you do over the summer?"

Actually no one has ever asked me that but I will answer the question anyway. Here is a summary of my summery adventures (for those of you who didn't get the AMAZING pun in the title).

One thing that was different about this summer was that we had actual birthday parties. Where once upon a time we would just go to a movie and dump gifts on the person in question, now we actually get personalized cakes courtesy of Justin's woman, the very talented, Marie Eve Bernier. I find it funny that in old age are birthday's are regressing to elementary school style parties.

There is the Belle Cake for Masta's Bday.

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And the Chu Chu Train for Kenny Chu's birthday, right on schedule.

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And there is the Wrestling Arena for Jbo.... That is to eat...

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I took a trip out to the country to visit the old Thetford Mines. This time Marie Eve(Leblond) and I visit the actual mines and got behind the wheel of some of the monster machines they use to mine all of that sweet, sweet asbestos.

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This wheel costs more than what I make in a year if I remember correctly. Here's Marie Eve trying to find a way to take it home and make a profit. I know women can fit lots of stuff in their purse but this is ridiculous. Furthermore, I have never known Marie Eve to carry a purse.

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People in thetford believe things like this...

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I don't know... maybe. But steak is more delicious than asbestos.

Not to be forgotten are the biowives who were upset that I didn't put this picture up in the Bahira Cristina birthday post. Always eager to accomadate my waxing ego, they call this the pimpin' picture.

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Viv and I. Viv can be so badly behaved sometimes. Can't take her anywhere!

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And finally, the ultimate cheese, Toron Sci Fi Con. I'll put a few of the least disturbing pictures of that experience.

Here's alpha posse at the aptly named "Cool School" where we listen to comic book artists and writers talk about their craft and we rubes learn how to become comic book artists. Note how attentive Vrej is. He realizes that this is the big break he's been waiting for. He subsequently asked Michael Bendis, artist of the recent spiderman series, out on a date.

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I don't know why I loved these two. I think we should all hope to be in a relationship as healthy as the one that Mario and Princess Toadstool share. Though for some reason at first Anthony thought that these were a pair of lesbians.

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This guy was the belle of the ball in a Spock costume. Not just any Spock costume, but a Mirror Universe Spock costume. Could he have more creed?? Doesn't he just scream, "This is the best day of my life!!!" The sad part is... It probably was.

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This guy was always alone for some reason and eager to pose at the drop of a dime. How shocking that he should have no friends.

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Me trying to pose like Yoda. How shocking that I should have any friends.

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Star Wars Posse. Nice costumes. The plasteel armour on Obi Wan was a nice choice.

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An interesting Meal in the hotel Lobby. We fiended on that swill, right out of the box like the swine we were.

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Sci Fi Con was fun. I mean... It's the geekiest thing ever!!! But I haven't been in a while. And it was a chance for me to network with other artists so in a way, it was work!

Don't judge me.

Most surprising was Anthony's two lady friends. We went out to desert one night, and the next night one of them was mysteriously absent. Who wouldn't want to hang out with some studs like us?

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Anyhoo, that was pretty much the summer. Hope you enjoyed reading about it as much as I enjoyed being about it. And now as the weather becomes colder and colder and the work hours become longer and longer these precious memories slide through the meninges of my cerebral cortex like sand through the tiny fingers of a newborn child. I leave the warm embrace of summer to be groped by the bitter chill of autumn.

I'll spare you all the vulgar winter metaphor... Want a hint? Winter is a dude in jail!!!

Tuesday, August 29, 2006

God Preserves the Ignorant

I remember one day after school one of my sister's claimed they had learned something fascinating. The muscles of the esophagous can work against gravity when swallowing food. To prove this my sister was going to chew something, stand on her head and have the esophagous work the morsel of food into her stomach. My mom's first reaction was, "I don't really like that idea. Won't you choke?" My sister reassured her and my mom simply shrugged and said, "Oh well, God preserves the ignorant."

It's a phrase that always stuck with me and a few sisters later, I still think of it when I see someone doing something particularly dim witted. And a dark part of me watches in fascination hoping that maybe this time God wouldn't preserve the ignorant.

So this weekend after going to a Greggscellent restaurant with Viv and Jon (Garde Manger, I highly recommend it. Owned by one of the stars of the show Instant Star) We went down to the area around Palais Des Congres where Viv said we absolutely had to see this fountain that spews out fire.

It's a beautfiul work of art called La Joute and apparently it's been in the area since 2003 and I've never seen it. So we got there at about 9:30 and the fire is supposed to start at 10. So we wait around, people start gathering around waiting for the fire. Before the fire there's a mist cycle. Grates all over the park release mist, sometimes so thick you can't see where you're going.

As 10 pm approached I found myself questionning the wisdom of having a live fire in a park. Doesn't seem entirely safe. It does however seem very espensive. Jon tells me the sewers in Montreal are a mess! Have you noticed how the streets often flood when we get a lot of rain? Oh well, who cares about the Bubonic Plague that may result from poor drainage.. Let the Ninja turtles worry about that. We have a flaming fountain in town!!

And as the minutes passed we kind of backed away from the fountain. Others did not. By about ten minutes to 10 a bunch of gangly punk kids showed up, some smoking weed. I imagine they were looking for a place to light up their crack pipes.

Phil the pothead: "Hey guys, do you have a light?"
Craig the heroine addict: "No... But we could go light it up at the Joute!"

Already drunk, one guy kicks off his shoes and decides to have a dip. This idiot is walking around in a fountain that's about to start shooting fire at 10 at night! There was a security guard who came out (obviously this man had a moustache) and began making the place secure. He sees the guy in the fountain and starts going, "Hey.. Hey, Hey.... HeyHeyHeyHey... Hey..Hey.. HeyHeyHey." for about a minute. The punk didn't look like he wanted to leave.

Now there was this evil part of me that really wanted to see this guy catch fire. I'm sorry to admit it. But it would have just made my day to see this work of art burst into flames with this simpleton roving around in it. "I'm not going anywhere, eff you security guard! King Kong ain't got s**t on meaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

I don't think I would have done anything to help him. "I don't know art, but I know what I like!"

But as my mom said. God preserves the ignorant. Perhaps the security guard, not liking the crowd decided to interrupt the fire show. At 10:20 there was no fire, no mist... Jon and I went around pressing buttons. (there are buttons in the park, maybe one turned on the fire?). Then Jon went to the building across the street where the security guard retreated to. He pressed the button to the intercom.

Jon: "Where's the fire???"
Security guard: "11pm."
Jon: "What hapenned to the one at 10pm??"
Security guard: "11 pm!!!"

And that was that. We looked up in the building and I kid you not, there was someone in the office apparently lying down on what looked like a bed and covering up with a sheet. Was the security guard getting some action up there instead of turning on the fire? What a world. We went home and vowed to return to the Joute one day..

Tuesday, August 15, 2006

Musings about the late and great General Tao

I'm very indecisive. Especially when it comes to ordering food. As a result instead of actually picking up the phone and ordering Chinese food, I decided to ask Droopy about the origin of the phrase, General Tao.

Masta says:
I like how it's General Tao's chicken.
I really wish I knew what was behind that phrase.
was he some guy?
Is it some white person who made this up?

Vrej says:
"The dish is unknown in China
It is unclear how the dish came to bear the name of the 19th-century Chinese war hero General Zuo Zongtang. Around 1974, Hunan and Szechuan food were introduced to New York City. General Tso's Chicken was an example of this new style.

Peng's Restaurant located on East 44th Street claims that it was the first restaurant in New York City to serve General Tso's chicken. Since the dish (and cuisine) were new, Chef Peng made it their house specialty, in spite of the dish's commonplace ingredients."

Masta says:
alright... well...
I think I was happier in my ignorance.
I could make stuff up.

Vrej says:
Tao made it up on the battlefield one day
Vrej says:
when he had limited ingredients
but many starving men
his troop's chef made a bad round of chicken balls and thusly lost his head to Tao's blade
tao's wife, the only person who could talk straight to him, yelled at him

Mrs Tao: "what will the men eat?"
Tao: "chicken"
Mrs Tao:"and who will make it?"
Tao: "Yes."

using the same blade with which he beheaded the chef, Tao prepared the now famous Gen. Tao chicken
to this day, the sauce on general tao is said to contain a hint of blood, to remind all those who eat it that bad cooking is punishable by death

Masta says:
More hungry than happy.

Monday, August 07, 2006

Galloway: "The Violence Will Go On!"

I almost NEVER put political commentary on my blog. I find it somewhat audacious and maybe innapropriate that I should say anything especially on this blog. But whatever trouble this might cause, I thought I should put it up anyway. What really inspired me, besides my buddy who's very political is something I heard on a television church service. The pastor was telling the story of a woman named Ruth who lived in a time when the jews were being persecuted.

Here's a link to the sermon. It's long but here's the most important excerpt from the sermon by Dr. Schuller.

"Now let me give you a little background. Esther is a Jew. She is queen to King Xerxes of Persia who was by all accounts the strongest king of his day and remained so until Alexander the Great overcame that empire. She became the queen and one of the prime ministers came along and decided that they were going to exterminate all the Jews. Can you believe it? There have been numerous times throughout history where people have tried to exterminate the people of God and this is one more time. The queen has kept her identity secret; nobody knows she is a Jew, except for her cousin Mordecai. So now she has an opportunity to put her life on the line and save her race or remain silent and hope that somehow, someway she can keep her identity a secret. "

I think the part that really struck me was the bible verse,
‘do not think because you are in the king's house you alone of all the Jews will escape. For if you remain in silence at this time, relief and deliverance for the Jews will arise from another place and you and your father's family will perish. (Esther 4:12-17)

What this says to me is, in matters of importance, when people are dying and suffering it is important to speak up. We're complacent because we're in the "King's House", up here in North America. But when injustice takes place it touches all of us. Now that our government has become as bigotted and immoral as the American government, how long will it be before we start suffering the consequences that they have? I have a friend who's extended family is mourning the death of a son in Lebanon. Whether he's Jewish, Lebansese, Arab, Black.... He was robbed of his life for no good reason.

So I think it would be irresponsible not to say something. Our leaders are engaged in an illegal and immoral war. Here they have an opportunity to show love and compassion and be worthy of the God they supposedly believe in, worthy of our progenitors and ancestors who all suffered at the hands of unjust people at some point, regardless of their background, jewish, black, arab, whatever... But apparently they will not rise up to this challenge, they will not fight for peace but rather continue this insane invasion, and continue to propagate, hatred, bigotry and murder. Have we learned nothing?

What a disgrace it would be to the human race if future generations couldn't learn to have compassion for the thousands who are dying in the middle east at the whims of greedy politicians and religious fanatics. I don't want to get into a long rant because "those in the know", already have their opinions and those who are already prejudiced will not want to have any kind of rational discourse. But I do think this video is VERY IMPORTANT!!! So I posted it for better or worse. If anyone has comments to make, please no hate, no name calling. Keep it tasteful. Also, if you're interested go to Rez's blog. He's far more informed than I am and has a few articles on the subject.,,31200-galloway_060806,00.html#

Sunday, July 30, 2006

Molecular Yeast Stuff at Princeton

The following is a deluxe post. Prepare to read it in a few sittings...

I'm a biologist. One of my duties as a biologist is to go to conferences in other towns and give talks. Or in the case of this most recent conference go and... basically live off of the fat of the land. Eat, drink and be merry while listenning to scientists describe their research. I'm told that what is unique about Yeast conferences is that because Yeast is responsible for making alcohol, there is seldom a yeast conference that doesn't serve lots of booze... But I'm getting ahead of myself.

Princeton University

The conference was at Princeton University which is a really beautiful place, despite being surrounded by the buttcrack of america, New Jersey (Garden State? Garbage State? Jersey smell like a dumpster...) I spent five days there with some lab mates. The architecture, I'm told by a hot spanish girl (so hot even the quasi picky (latently gay?) Deder would have to admit she was hot!) who was at the conference, was made to immitate the old universities in England at the time. I'm told by hot girls that hot girls seldom lie. Anyway, everything has an old english feel to it. Going around campus is like roving an old castle. Like Hogwarts! And it's huge so I got lost every two seconds.

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Among the things that I enjoyed seeing at the University was the chapel. It was a nice old fashionned chapel. I really wanted to get retarded in the chapel and desecrate it with loud obnoxious hi jinx, but one of the guys taking care of the place was so nice to us I couldn't bring myself to misbehave.

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I also took one day in the week to wander alone and came across the Princeton observatory. Not terribly impressive but still. I wish I could have gotten to see inside.

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But I think the thing I love most about the university, is at dusk, the fireflies come out. I don't think there is anything more beautiful than fireflies at night. They're like tiny little flying lightbulbs, that produce a silent, green light that generates no heat! I think they're one of nature's biggest little miracles.


I think the thing I love most about the univesity is the food. Bacon, saussage, eggs, pancakes/waffles every morning. Deserts as far as the eye can see, lemon cake, carrot cake, chocolate cake both black forest and otherwise. Cookies... Chicken and ribs, burgers, hot dogs... Honestly, I ate really well. I think abundant food is one of nature's biggest little miracles.

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I stayed in a dorm room which took me about 10 minutes to totally mess up. The only dissapointment was having to use a public bathroom. One evening I was going to brush my teeth and some guy was strolling down the long hall wearing nothing but a towel.

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His towel fell off and he just made the rest of the trip to the bathroom completely naked. Now that's creed.

Hsin's drunken escapades

So I mentionned alcohol. Here's my buddy Hsin in front of the poster she is presenting at the conference.

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It might seem strange to dedicate a section of this post to her but... Honestly, good job!!! I can't remember the last time I've witnessed such and efficient, deliberate drunken rampage.

When the poster presentations were over, she promptly got drunk. When I say promptly I mean, she took a cup, filled it with wine, tossed it back and was krunk for about 3 hours. And then when it was all over, she was perfectly normal. Not sick or anything you wouldn't have even known she was drunk. When the evening was over, and she retired to her dormatory.

However, during her drunkeness I was pretty terrified that she would get all of our asses kicked. When she wasn't tweaking my nipples she was accosting strangers on the street. She tried to tweak our German friends nipples and he flat out said, "If she tweaks my nipples I will slap her."

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Scary. Then she yelled at this couple. "ARE WE HERE???" They looked scared and scurried off. Then we actually found a bar on this street called Nassau. My god. There were two incidents that I thought would result in a fight. I remember turning around and hearing her say, "ARE YOU IMMITATING ME??? DON'T IMMITATE ME BEHIND MY BACK!!!" And then some guys said, "YO RELAX, WE'RE NOT IMMITATING YOU!! I WAS TALKING ABOUT JAPANESE PEOPLE!" Hsin then apologized and moved on to have a talk with this guy.

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Let me point out that this guy is huge. His bicept is about the girth of my waist. Hsin seemed intent on provoking him.
Hsin: How did you get so big??
Big Guy: I work out on my bowflex??
Hsin: I know someone who uses bowflex... they aren't that big...
Big Guy: I ummm...
Hsin: Why do you work out so much?
Big Guy: Anger management...
Hsin: What are you angry at?
Me: Your mother???
Big Guy: I'm not really angry at...
Hsin: I mean usually people just work out for sports but... What do you... do???

There was a point where Hsin and Klarita had wandered off into the bar. When I caught up with them, there was a group of people tweaking each other's nipples at the counter. Again, good job Hsin. Miraculously, we got home unscathed.

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Cheesy Biologists

The conference itself is a very interesting experience. A few things about scientists. They don't care how they dress. I love that. It's all about the work. It's also amazing how much they're in love with their work. I learned a lot from the talks. And got to meet some interesting people.

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What's unique about the biology conferences is the biology jokes. Every now and then one of the speaker's would tell a joke and 5 people in the theatre would laugh super loud and everyone else would laugh for fear of being revealed as the dumbass who doesn't get the reference.

Speaker: "So I wanted to find the genes in which the transponsons inserted themselves. Obviously the genes had not yet been sequenced."
Some jerk: "HAHAHAHAHAHA!"
Everyone else: "Heheheh... I get it... jeans..."

Aside from talks and workshops, every day one prominent biologist was presented with an award. The presentation includes an old fashionned roast of the professors. One of the presentations included a picture of the very naked Charlie Boone sitting in his office with nothing but an ice bucket over his crank.

What was funny is I encouraged my posse to sit in the balcony one particular night so we could heckle the speaker a la Waldorf and Stadler fromt he muppet show. Right on cue during the award presentation that night, the speaker included a picture of Waldorf and Stadler in his talk!!

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BUT the ultimate cheese.... The conference culminated with a lifetime achievement award. The guy receiving the award was really funny. He told this great story about how he had to go to the zoo to collect bird droppings and how him and his friend studying in law went in lab coats to wait for the birds to take a crap. Then they would run out, while all the visitors at the zoo watched.

Anyway, not only was his talk filled to the brim with cheesy jokes, one joke so bad Alex got up and left. But after the talk a band was playing. The much anticipated Cellmates (like... cells from cellular biology?)... It was an old dudes band, that did covers of rolling stones and beetles.

The phd's went nuts!!! They were dancing all night, including the 80 year old who won the lifetime achievement award. I don't know how many of you have seen the kind of dancing that takes place when scientists of all ages and races get together to dance... Anything goes... Conga lines and... Elaine from Seinfeld type dancing. Bizarre jerky movements. And then the ultimate, Mash Pit filled with gray haired men??? My thought was something like, "Oh s**t! the goddamn, phds' are f**king mashing in the goddamn gymnasium, to the smegging cellmates cover of an old ass rolling stones song!"

Did I mention some of the cover songs were deluxe, including customized lyrics about biology.


I am not embellishing that story. Anyway, like a fool I didn't have my camera. But it was truly insane.


Other than that, we just wandered around having fun. I can't imagine what it's like to study at this place isolated from the rest of the world. I ran into some Princeton students. The first impression you get is that they really think they're hot stuff. SOOOO PREPPY. It's like they're from another planet. But I didn't formerly meet any students from Princeton. Who knows, maybe they're as mature as the rest of us.

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Oh, and just for you Rez... We went to an insane candy store and had ice cream. Here's me eating said ice cream.

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Monday, July 24, 2006

Hsin's sinful peanut butter sandwich

So last weekend my friend Hsin comes online and tells me that I "Have to try her homemade peanut butter."

Homemade peanut butter? That seemed odd. Hsin then said that after I ate it she would film my reaction. At which point I was suspicious, obviously. I asked, "What.... What's wrong with it??" And she said, "NOTHING! I'M JUST TRYING TO BE NICE!! IF YOU DON'T WANT TO TRY IT THEN DON'T!"

I felt guilty and said, "No, no... I'll try it..."

Days later I get a call from Bahira in the lab. She emphatically tells me that it's time to try Hsin's peanut butter. I guess I was tired. I guess I was dazed and very, very gullible. Even when I saw the huge smile on Bahira's face, with her bouncing around hapily I didn't really see what was coming next.

So they both bring me into their office, sit me down. Hsin says, "Close your eyes and I'll feed the sandwhich with the peanut butter to you while Bahira films it."


And I did. What kind of idiot closes their eyes while people put things in their mouth??? I must be one of the few who's done that and survived. Anyway, here's the video that proves I'm a sucker! I started chewing, then Bahira yells, "SPIT IT OUT SPIT IT OUT!!!" When I open my eyes, Hsin shows me a sandwhich filled with flies. At which point I remember her msn name changing for the past week. "Hsin- Killed 8 flies, Hsin killed 14 flies, Hsin killed 18 flies!!!"


Unfortunately the camera didn't catch me as Hsin displays a sandwhich filled with flies.... I then spit out wads of the sandwhich and inspected the sputem for fly guts.

Anyway, thankfully they didn't feed me the sandwhich with the flies in it. It was just peanut butter with whole nuts in it. The fly sandwhich was what they showed me when I openned my eyes.

Now, this only hapenned because they 're were good looking girls. Imagine two guys come up to you and say, "Open your mouth and close your eyes??"

Get outta here!!! one might say. But I sat there like a fool, as vulnerable as you can possibly make yourself.

Hsin, Bahira, I'm very proud of you both. I got pwned.

On a side note, Check out the last link in the links section. Michael Choi and Tiffany Mooey have a video blog where they give health tips and stuff. Check it out!

Monday, July 10, 2006

The deliciousness of an organism is directly proportional to the amount of a putative subcellular particle present in the cell of that organism

My love of meat is no secret. For my birthday we went to La Milsa, a restaurant where they give you an allegedly endless supply of grilled meats, to the point where its unhealthy in fact. I think heaven will be something like that... Endless meat except no health hazards.

But I find usually only men can FULLY appreciate the amazingness of meat. This weekend was Cristina Bahirathon 2006, where we concatenate both of their birthdays into one evening of grooviness. Bahira ordered something called "fish"... Swordfish if I'm not mistaken. What's that? I mean, they were serving all kinds of bbq'ed beef and pork... Fish doesn't even enter into my thought process. Viv also ordered this "fish". The fish was good, though... but not... MEAT good.

Cristina of course is the exception to the rule that girls don't heart meat. Look how elated she was to receive the pack of bacon we gave her.

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It was a gag gift, but she was very eager to get the bacon home to a fridge for consumption in the near future.

The day following was a BBQ at Mo's where we watched world cup and also ate meat, this time chicken. Thanks you Mo, for all the deliciousness. The same morning there was a breakfast gathering and the deliciousness of meat had also been discussed.

The following postulate was formed about meat. It goes like this. The tastiness of meat is proportional to the amount of noise any given animal made during its lifetime. Think about it. Pigs?? Noisy animals, amazing flavour. Cows go moo; also delicious. Cockadoodle doo anyone?? On the bbq??? Nice. Lettuce on the other hand is silent. Doesn't taste like anything. Celery is also very quiet.

I rest my case.

Though I think I heard my celery reciting the Apostle's Creed the other day. I may have been hallucinating though... Audio hallucination.

You see, the amount of noise you make during your lifetime induces the proliferation of tiny subcellular particles called tastosomes which increases the deliciousness of an organism (Milen et al., 2006).

Please refer to the diagram below from the cell of a mute cow.

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Now look at the cells of another cow of the same species, except not mute.

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Please note there are more tastosomes in the cells of the second more verbose cow.

Case closed.

Thursday, July 06, 2006

"You... are reckless!!!" - Yoda

One of many things I don't understand aboutt he world, is people who drive recklessly. Risking life and limb to save 5 to 10 minutes. what's the point? What's the rush? Where's the fire? I have a cousin (you know who you are) who gets into the most awe inspiring accidents. Not fender benders but... Unbreakable starring Bruce Willis type accidents. Like, "how did you walk away from that alive? Do you have super powers?" type accidents.

Even after several close calls, he doesn't seem too concerned about his driving. He still speeds like crazy, talks on his phone while driving. The works. He's not the only one of course. Speeding and being reckless is common place among many of the people I know. And for what? Race home after work to do what? Eat dinner alone?? Sit in front of the TV watching spongebob/sabrina the teenage witch (which airs during prime time now. Not that I watch spongebob during prime time... I'm usually entertaining a female guest or doing other bachelor-esque things of that nature... DON'T JUDGE ME!!!).

The point is people get really irrational when they actually get a ticket for these things. The other day I heard someone say, "I got a parking ticket the other day. I fully intended to go back later on and move the car..."

This tells me the person knew they were illegally parked. And decided to bite it and park illegally, and then complain when they got the ticket? Maybe they should have left a note. "Will be back later to move my punk ass car off of the sidewalk."

The next part of the complaint was, "And you know where that money goes, don't you??? Straight to the police force so they can hire more cops to give us more tickets!!!"

It wouldn't be so funny if it wasn't said with so much sincerity. This person seemed to believe that the amount of cops on the street was proportional to the amount of parking tickets they got. Imagine if people just followed the law, drove under the speed limit, parked where they were supposed to... We'd have no cops! Other petty crimes like murder and rape would go unpunished. Maybe it's a good thing that so many people break parking laws.

Imagine this person running for mayor. Would they just abolish all traffic laws? Imagine a world where people just drive as fast as they please, slaughtering children in school zones, mowing down old women at crosswalks. If there weren't any stupid police around I could just ram someone with my car when they pissed me off. "Did that poopoo head just cut me off???" I could just step on the gas and SLAM!!! "April fool motha f**ka!!" We'd have some kind of car duel.

I think I would have a great deal of amusement coming to work in the morning and finding cars parked on the stairs of the school and across fields of grass, on the medians in the middle of the road. I could be reading the nutrition label on a box of cereal in the grocery store, "Mmmm... Chocolate Rice Crispies has more folate than..."

When CRASH!!! A car would fly through the front of the grocery store toppling over shelves and people and delicious condiments... mustard, ketchup... maybe salad dressing. Then it would come to a screeching halt as they reached out of their car and grabbed a bag of chips.

Me: "That was rather rude..."
Driver: "Sorry, I'm in a rush. America has talent is on in 20 minutes." And then they'd peel off.

Everyone's in a rush except me it seems. I guess it's cuz I know Spongebob is in reruns now.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


For some reason I couldn't sleep this morning so I arrived at work for about 7am. Not having much to do I was pretty much finished my work by 11, 11:30. Now, for those who work on the 5th floor, this is trouble. Everyone knows that a bored MastaCSG is a mischievious MastaCSG. I went to Dr. Martin's lab, distracted them, all of whom were very busy. Then I had a raucous laughing session with Eli, the Exotic Latvian Scientist who was in her office, chatting on msn instead of working.

So I notice that a colleague of ours, let's call him the Sherminator, logs on to MSN and asks Eli, "Shouldn't you be working?" So, I tell Eli to move over, crack my knuckles and commandeer her keyboard. With me posing as Eli, I began a conversation with the Sherminator. Eli looked on in horror.

Sherminator says:
hey! shoulden't you be working
Eli Says:
I want you.
Sherminator says:
no you don't
Eli Says:
Sherminator says:
*surprised emoticon*
Eli Says:
Come now...
Eli Says:
Sherminator says:
ummmmm, errrr. ok
Sherminator says:
Sherminator says:
it's kind of hard at a distance tho
Eli Says:
I'm waiting for you... In the guys bathroom.
Eli Says:
ONthe fifth floor.
Eli Says:
Meet me there in 4 minutes.
Sherminator says:
but i'm not at school
Eli Says:
Eli Says:
30 minutes.
Sherminator says:
but i wont be there then either
Eli Says:
Fine, I'll see what Dr. Tsang is up to.
Sherminator says:
i'm in the waste island
Sherminator says:
but i'll be in soon, train at 11:45

Sherminator then logs off immediately! I can just picture him getting dressed, considers brushing his hair, but leaves in a hurry to catch the train. Now, I don't know how long it takes to get from the West Island to the school, but Sherminator must have broken some record cuz he was in school in about 20 minutes looking rather dishevelled I might add. Now I don't want to jump to any conclusions or anything but... I SUSPECT the Sherminator thought he was going to get some action. I'd like to say I'm a genius but... He just made it so easy. He barely seemed to question Eli's sudden desire to "Jump his bones."

Later and I Eli and I went to invite Sherminator to lunch. We went to his office. I hid around the corner while she asked him if he was free for lunch. Sherminator of course accepted eagerly and when he walked out of his office he saw me with a big grin on my face, "OOH!!! YOU'RE HERE!!!" He said looking surprised and maybe a little annoyed at my presence.


Anyway, so I asked Eli to save the convo, she then sent it to me via email (a wonderful invention if I do say so myself). My understanding is that neither of them mentionned anything about the bizarre MSN convo.

Then, after lunch I spent another hour bothering people at work. I came home and napped for a few hours. Then posted this blog for you all to enjoy. Another full day of work. I'm tired.

Sunday, June 25, 2006


I read somewhere that phobias like, fears of spiders, snakes, heights all evolved so that people would have a natural fear of things that are dangerous, but might not seem immediately dangerous. A psychology student told me that that theory doesn't seem to hold much water but nuts to her! Tom Cruise doesn't acknowledge her field of study and Tom Cruise knows everything. He starred in Minority Report for crying out loud!

Anyway, all this jibba jabberin is just a lead up to some clips Dave sent me from the Maury show. I love the guy. He's so evil. In this episode he's brought people who have unnatural fears on stage only to inundate them with the site of that which terrifies them most.

This clip includes footage of a woman who is afraid of birds. But if her fear of birds isn't amazing enough, Maury's sheer amusement over the whole thing certainly is. He laughs at her, ridicules her and as a final insult brings out a tiny bird to watch her shriek and carry on like an escaped mental patient.

Watch all the way to the end. The second woman is afraid of mustard! Mustard! And not only that she used to work at burger king!!

Maury: "Do you like ketchup??"
Woman: "I love ketchup!"

And the look on his face. "Mustard??? You're afraid of MUSTARD??? YOU STUPID C**T!!! IT'S MUSTARD!!!" Then he'll flash mustard on the screen. "Even the packets of mustard???" Then he had women bring out trays with big heaping piles of mustard on it. They play this horror music in the back. Classic.

I love the Maury show he's such a bastard. He sits there with a self satisfied smile and when the woman he brings on the air has had a total breakdown, he tells the stage hands, "That's enough!" As if he wasn't involved at all. Connie Cheung must be so proud.

Watch some of the other videos. There's a woman afraid of balloons and a woman who's afraid of pickles. The latter of course works at a restaurant where they serve pickles.

The woman afraid of balloons is special. She thinks it's ruining her life! I mean... I can go months without seeing balloons. I think that's a good phobia to have. I mean, she's still psycho but... Balloons aren't that abundant. But she stayed in her house for 10 months for fear of balloons! Where is she living? The circus district?

Maury: "The way they float??? What could it do???"
Woman: "I'm going to die one day because of baloons. There's just going to be so many of them... I can't do anything with my grandchildren."

What's wrong with her grandchildren? "Grandma, we will not engage in any non-balloon activities! EVER!!!"

Please do watch the videos. He's so cruel to these women. It's great!! Maury you son of bitch... Keep up the good work. This is exploitation at its finest.

Sunday, June 18, 2006


I spend more and more time on MSN like most people. I don't have the opportunity to be online while at work like most people but I imagine if I was working a desk job I would be online almost all day. It's an insidious addiction. I turn on the computer instinctively, sometimes with no goal in mind whatsoever. Even when I know that logging onto msn will only result in me wasting time when I have actual important things to do, I still turn it on. Just to check my email... Just to see who's there... Hours later I'm talking to someone I haven't seen in a while. It's a good way to keep in touch. Chances are I would have lost touch with lots of cool people had it not been for the internet.

I used to think I had the most hilarious personal messges. "MastaC$G- Now with Vitamin C!" "MastaC$G- Part of this complete breakfast!"

But that was a long time ago. It's as if long hours on MSN have crippled my creativity. And everyone's for that matter. Now the personal message includes an irrelevant account of what that person is doing, or will be doing. "MastaC$G- Procrastinating!" Is there anything more ridiculous than announcing to the world that you're wasting time by being online?

As I browse my MSN list now I notice that most people are away. What does "away" mean? I see Jon is "away". I'm going to try talking to him.


MastaC$G says:
Hey Jon, are you there?
jons says:
MastaC$G says:
What's up?
jons says:
noT much, is this chris gregg,being civil???
MastaC$G says:
No, I'm just wondering why you put "away" if you're actually not away.
jons says:
i am away, im in my room though
MastaC$G says:
So you're away from what?
jons says:
if there was a message in proximity i would put it
MastaC$G says:
MastaC$G says:
also my friend is writing an essay.
MastaC$G says:
She wants arguments as to why prostitution should remain illegal.
MastaC$G says:
jons says:
lOl, hmmm

This girl identified as X is now writing me messages. Her status is set to "busy" yet she's offering me a cookie. What's up wit dat???


MastaC$G says:
Hey, why is your status set to busy?
MastaC$G says:
If your online, you can't be that busy? What's up wit dat???
X says:
Its whacked.. say it!
X says:
I dont know..
X says:
i tend to do that
MastaC$G says:
Do you like to seem unavailable?
MastaC$G says:
Does that make you feel important??? HUH??? IS THAT WHAT THIS IS???
X says:
X says:
brb, my brother just farted and it smells like eggs in my room

Sounds real busy! I think wasting time on MSN is bad enough. But then there are all these mind games involved. Everyone making themselves seem sooo goddamn "busy" and "away". MSN has robbed the words of all meaning.

Sunday, June 04, 2006

Disney on Icing

Sometime mid may there was a comment on the message board that Aladdin was a good movie. Tiger commented, "Jasmine? I'd hit it." I of course added my two cents and mentionned that Belle from Beauty and the Beast was easily the hottest of the Disney Princesses.

So this weekend I was to go over to Jbo's and Marie-Eve's for a birthday gathering. The event was being heralded, Masta's birthday palooza. Off the top of my head I asked Joe that morning if Jbo and Marie Eve would do something crazy like buy birthday hats and balloons and stuff like that. I just had a feeling.

So, I show up at the Jbo/Maeva homestead and this is what greets me at the door.

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I don't think any two words can adequately summarize what I felt at that moment. Confusion... Maybe I was a little frightenned. Maybe I thought I was at the wrong house. I looked at the neighbour's normal door, without Disney Princesses on it. And then Marie Eve beckonned me inside the one with the disney princesses on the door. I was at the right house. "Why is this a Princess Party?"

And the inside of the house was indeed decorated with balloons, napkins, party hats and yes even the table cloth was covered with Disney Princesses. I don't know how much of the evening I really want to disclose. Even less have documented on the internet.

Marie-Eve really did a great job. She prepared lots and lots of delicious food. I was really touched. And goddamn that s**t tasted good. Chicken brochettes, shrimp, chicken wings (some fried) Salad both corn and macaroni. Veggies with dip and the dip was even put into bell peppers cut in half. I thought putting the dip into hollowed out bell peppers showed EXTRA love. Again, I was moved to tears. It was amazing. Like those chapters in Lord of the Rings where the hobbits sit down to a table of food and make freaking pigs of themselves. Look at all it's majesty.

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Here was the Belle princess cake, chocolate spice cake with chocolate chips. I saved the face, for myself.

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High lights of the evening include bizarre conversations which will probably come up in court some day to defame my character. ie, Which Disney princess has the biggest cans? I for one said Belle. Dave argued that Ariel must have the biggest cans if she's supporting two seashells on them. Which one of the disney princesses was legal? Stuff like that.

So these party hats are designed for children's heads, I was pretty sure the string would break. But Mo, apparently having divine powers managed to fit one around his waist and use the Disney Princess Party hat as some kind of unholy strap on dildo.

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What else? Oh, Rez smashed pink icing in my face. I didn't get pics or videos of that yet, but check the message boards sometime in the near future for those. Another Alpha Posse Miracle... Friday, I was talking to someone and mentionned offhand that "My movie collection would be complete if only I had the star trek movies!"

Sure enough in my gift bag, (with a picture of Belle on it) was the ENTIRE Star Trek movie collection. Add to that the skill game classic Operation, tons of copables from Vrej's trip to E3, I cleaned up gift-wise.

And friends wise! And friendswise ;-) You guys are the best, honestly.

I mean, the evening was disturbing, the decor, gay beyond anything my mind could have previously fathomed. Will I ever forget this? Never. Is that a good thing? The jury is out. There may come a time when I'll need to deny the events of that evening ever took place. But great times as always. Thank you Vrej, Rez, Kenny, Dave, Joe, Mo and of course Jbo and Marie Eve for putting together such a nice bday for me! Heart you all!

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