Thursday, June 30, 2005

Let me do a throwaway post in betwix

Sorry for the late update. I don't have internet at home and I find myself uncharacteristically busy and ill-tempered. Sorry Mo! But I'm like that black guy in the commercial for tropical halls. I got two jobs!

It ain't easy. Think I wanna work? No... I'd rather blog all day... WAtch Star Trek. Go to the mountains with a guitar and sing the songs I like to sing... I'd like to dress up as a clown, go to school and surprise the kids. I'd like to go to a movie theatre, take a dump in the back of the theatre and wait around until someone sits in it... Listen for the squish.. I find it funny!

But being the Masta ain't always easy. I'll write a real post soon.

Thursday, June 16, 2005


So, it's a week late but, thanks to everyone for the birthday goodness last week! I got some cool gifts from lab folk(tania, janine, alex, simon, reza, colin, nishant et al)! Goodness from my parents. Cindy bought me a book and a new schoolbag cuz my old one looked like it was about to disintergrate. Alpha posse (You know, your droopy, chuchu, jbo, rez, M-E, tbone, Ba$$ medley) got me Dave Chapelle season's 1 &2 and other cool stuff!!! INSANELY AWESOME. Mel and Pat, thanks for the awesome book. Pam thanks for the awesome Yoda shirt. Great Bday everyone. Most mind boggling was the clubbing outing at Central Station. It was a huge highschool reunion. I've never seen anything like it.

On that note, I'd like to give a shout out to all my peeps. Ahem... Shoutout to Mo, Joe, Dave, Neil, Indy, Puishe, Conrad, Mike A., Manesha, Neera, Vikas, Ken Martin, Kevin Hui and that girl who who seemed to know me. Good times. Thanks to all! It was nice to see all you guys and gals! The biowife outing is still pending... They'd better get their act together! Unlike last year where we celebrated my birthday in late July!!!

Anyway, kind of an incoherent post... But what else can I say? It was a fun time... The only thing more thrilling than my birthday week was the discoery of new dryers in the bathrooms near the skating rink at Bonaventure. Now that thing freaking dries your hands! The thing is so powerful it actually causes ripples in your skin! It's insane!

Tuesday, June 07, 2005

The whitest black guy you know, may be the blackest black guy you never wished to know

The other day on my lunch break I ran into a girl I knew who proceeded to tell me that she had a flight to catch in a few hours. She explained that she was notorious for missing flights and after missing a flight she had to cry in order to convince the airline to give her a flight at a later time. Being in a particularly talkative mood I jokingly asked, "Mmm... I wonder if that would work for me! Or maybe I would have to take the other route and play the angry black man card, ie. YOU'D BEST GIVE ME THE NEXT FLIGHT BEFORE I TEAR THIS MOTHA F**KA DOWN!!!" She responded with a quaint giggle and said, "Wow.. that was cute. I've never seen you act black before." then she realized the irony of talking about missing flights when she had a flight to catch and left.

The point is if I had a nickel for everytime someone said, I don't act black or I'm the whitest black guy they know well, I'd also be the richest black guy they know. Ironically, being the richest black guy they know would also make me the whitest black guy they know. I used to take it personally then I realized that almost all black guys who aren't stereotypes striaght off of MTV have been told they act white.

I saw a brown guy the other day, blacking it up like an electrified black machine on the bus. He was wearing the super baggy clothes with basketball logos all over it, a dewrag and a cap which was worn slightly askew... Anyway, as droopy would say, that's neither here nor there. But he was talking to his friend about having forgotten something at his friend's house. He said something like, "I left my s**t at my friend's Crizzib... Now I have to go back to his crizzib to get my s**t... His crizzib is right near the autopark though, so it's not so bad."

I was pretty upset. I mean... crizzib???? Rule # 1 out of the How to be Black handbook, "You can call your house your crib, you can call your crib your hizzouse, but you must NEVER call your hizzouse your crizzib!!!" And that's for obvious reasons. How dare he throw centuries of ebonics out the window and dishonor my people so casually.

And therein lies the reason that fewer and fewer black people "talk black". Because many white people and some brown people have made it very uncool. And as one thing becomes uncool, black people adapt. For every Vanilla Ice, there is a Brian Gumble. For every Eminem there are 3 Blair Underwoods. For every Ryan Seacrest there are 7.5 Alfonso Ribeiros. And for every House of Pain there are 17 Chris Greggs. So bullocks to any knave who doesn't like the way I talk! Rule #1 about being MastaCSG, I keeps it RELLLLL!!! That's right... rell.