I was watching some entertainment news show a few minutes ago and was SCANDALIZED to hear that some animal protection group has a vendetta against Ellen Degeneres. As the story goes she took some dog into her home and then gave it away, which is against the rules. So they took the dog away from the family who Ellen had given it too.
Subsequently Ellen wept on her show, begging for them to return the dog to the family who had grown to love it so much. When asked how he felt about the situation the dog licked its nuts and then took a dump on the carpet.
Honestly... Maybe I'm just mean but... This is a story? There are stray cats all over the place. Ellen is crying because she feels responsible for the family's suffering. Get a life! You can aquire a new and better dog! That can do tricks, guard the house, say I RUV OOO in a doggie voice. It would save babies from fires like the littlest hobo and solve crimes like Scooby Doo. The dog they were crying about was barely the size of my fist. I can just see them winning some court case and following the judges ruling, he would strike his gavel, unwittingly hitting the dog on the head and smashing it like mound of jello.
Also, Oprah has somehow "burned out" her thyroid. I don't know what that means but she "came out" publicly about it. Then she said something about how she had to take a few months to "restore her soul". I love how Oprah is too rich and divine to take a vacation anymore. Everyone else in the world takes some time off. Oprah restores her soul. I guess they just needed a phrase that could encompass the virtual nirvanna that she attains when she's taking a bath in liquid gold, burning candles made from humback whale oil and eating saussages made from the meats of 17 endangered species.
All this to say, I think Oprah and Ellen are some terrific ladies, but I don't think these people should be using their television program to talk about their personal problems. I'm sure Ellen is very upset about this dog, but I don't think that warrants an international display of tears. And I'm sure Oprah isn't feeling so good, but she could just buy a new thyroid. In other news 45 civillians were killed in South Darfur when the cease fire was broken. 45 souls! 45 thyroids! I imagine some of the kids in those parts of the world would be thrilled to come into possession of Ellen's dog. It's probably tastier than what they usually eat... nothing!