I think it's been about two year's since I've been living on my own. I must say it's been pretty sweet so far. Oh the joy's of being a swinging bachelor.
I remember what it was like living with family. When I would go to the kitchen to have some cookies, I would have to be considerate of others and have 3 or maximum four. Since moving out on my own, there is no limit. I open up the bag and eat those bad boys right out of the package. Recently, I've even decided that it's extremely cool to put a layer of vanilla icing on Chips Ahoy, before eating them... and sometimes after. Sometimes, I wake up in the middle of the night and have potatoe chips, chips ahoy with icing and milk. And like most bachelor's I realize there's nothing wrong with having eggs and toast for supper. And if dinner comes out of a can every once in a while, it may be ghetto, but it normally saves me the trouble of cooking. I mean, who am I trying to impress? The goal is to maximize eating time, and minimize the time I spend being productive.
Of course, being a bachelor isn't all cookies and cream. I have to clean things on occasion. Oh that dreaded day when I realize I'm down to my last pair of underwear. On rare occasions it will mean that I will go and buy more underwear. But more often, it actually means I will have to do laundry. Of course I do it in a stupid man way, dumping colors and whites all into the same batch. What do I look like? Someone who's not lazy? I'm convinced that the whole concept of seperating your laundry was invented by racists. The technique has served me well thus far except on one occasion when I really decided to push it and put in some burgundy bath mats with my whites. That was easily one of the stupidest things I've ever done in my life, and this coming from someone who has mixed coca-cola and milk! Yes, living on my own means I can mix that which I have been told is unmixable, since I was a kid. Whites and colors! Coke and Milk! Nuts and Gum! Grapefruit and Cheese! The sky's the limit!
Ah yes, wandering around my "crib" (I often call my apartment my "crib") wearing little more than a housecoat, slippers, jogging pants, a t-shirt and that sweater thing that's so comfortable, singing whatever song comes to mind. There are no parents around, so I don't have to watch myself when I'm gettting really into a rap song. I rap the curse words too! Whatever is base and derogatory is not only acceptable but almost required at that point.
I'm the king of the land
I eat dinner that's been canned!
And if you don't like it!
I don't give a (Look around to make sure no one is watching).... DAMN!!!
I watch whatever i want on tv. You know what that means... You know... when it's late at night? 10pm? That's right, Sabrina the Teenage Witch on YTV. No one around to judge me. Or I could pop in a dvd from my vast, vast VAST collection of cartoons. vast...
It occurs to me that this bachelor life of mine is something akin to Peter Pan and the Lost boys. All of this freedom and the most rebellious thing I do is watch an episode of star trek at 3am... and usually fall asleep. Or photoshop my face into the poster for A Bug's life.
I hope you've enjoyed this glimpse into the life of MastaCSG. For some of you it may have been frightenning, for others it may become something for you to strive toward. But if ever you find yourself at home wondering, "I wonder what Chris is up to?" you now have the appropriate imagery to jump to whatever conclusions you find least disturbing.