Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Pillaging in the Ghetto

There are upsides to living in the ghetto and being friends with the Janitor. First off let me say the new Janitor is awesome. The building is actually clean and he put up Christmas decorations in the lobby. He's Cote St-Luc's leading supplier of Pron! Also of interest about the Janitor... He believes the story of King Arthur is true. While pouring through my collection of movies he came across king arthur and like most crazy people felt compelled to give me his point of view on this contreversial subject. "You know it's based on a real story!!!" he declared. What a guy.

Anyway, after a recent visit to my apartment to aquire some movies, the Janitor told me about a vacancy in the building. It was a Thursday and scrubs wasn't really holding my interest so me, the Janitor and his little son went to the apartment and began pillaging....

Oh what lovely treasures were left behind in the now nearly vacant four and a half down the hall. Office chairs and... a black folding chair... An aquarium and tables and stuff. Oh and a lamp. I casually mentionned that I could use an office chair. The Janitor nodded solemly but said nothing.

Until today! He asked if I wanted some stuff. So I went and took things like a common viking, looting pillaging and yes... raping all that was left behind in the apartment!! Now I sit in this luxurious office chair with all the office chair functions a Masta of CSG could ask for. It's good for sitting on, leaning on. It has arm rests. It can be deployed at several heights and I have yet to examine if it has any reclining function... let me check....

It has no reclining function.

I also tiefiscated a lamp that I have no use for and a derelict black chair... For sitting! The Janitor also asked me if I wanted the abandonned aquarium. I laughed at first then thought to myself... the price is right...

Anyway, just a quick post to express my grattitude for my Janitor's Jawa-esque culture.

Oh, and also I'll be off to San Diego by Friday. I'm going to a Cell Biology Conference to present some research. Incidentally, temperature there on Friday: 21 degrees Celcius. Temperature in Montreal: High of minus 7. I imagine that will make your orifices pucker and your genitals wither!!!

Have a nice weekend, jerks!!!! If you survive, feel free to leave a message.

From Monty Python and the Holy Grail:

Arthur: I am your King.
Peasant woman: Well I didn't vote for you.
Arthur: You don't vote for kings.
Woman: Well how'd you become king, then?
Arthur: The Lady of the Lake, her arm clad in the purest shimmering samite, held aloft Excalibur from the bosom of the water, signifying by devine providence that I, Arthur, was to carry Excalibur. That is why I'm your king.
Dennis: Listen. Strange women lying in ponds distributing swords is no basis for a system of government. Supreme executive power derives from a mandate from the masses, not from some farcical aquatic ceremony.
Arthur: Be quiet!
Dennis: You can't expect to weild supreme executive power just because some watery tart threw a sword at you!
Arthur: Shut up!
Dennis: If I went 'round sayin' I was an emporer just because some moistened bint had lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away!

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

New Hobbies

I really think I would like to get into some more extreme type sports. Man, I'd be ... errr.. the man, if I were an expert Polo player... But not just any polo... ELEPHANT POLO!!! I imagine that would be exciting. Maybe not so much for the elephant... What do you think goes through an elephants mind while playing Elephant Polo? "Man, I hate human Polo. This game is super lame. I wish I worked in a circus..." The horses probably aren't too pleased either. "What the hell??? Polo is our sport! This is makes me as uncomfortable as Jack Nicklaus when Tiger Woods started playing golf!"

Also, since last week, it's also been my life long dream to become a free runner. You know those guys who jump across rooftops and stuff? The idea is to make your entire environment an obstacle course. I think I might drop out of school to pursue this. I bet I'd be sick at free running! Watch the video! The guy starts climbing buildings and stuff... Like... spiderman! Or the matrix!

They're actually starting a free running club in Toronto. But I'm a strong believer in going to the country of origin to learn something. That's why I sent Jen to Bangkok!! I want her to come back and make me the best Pad Thai I ever had! As for free running I guess I should go to Europe. And elephant Polo... My understanding is that's popular in Nepal.

So yeah.. Don't stand in the way of my dream! Please send a cash, check or money order to MastaCSG. As I said, Snake Charming is my life long dream and I need to be funded. Do it!