tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-67540142024-03-12T20:54:33.660-07:00Gregg FactorRants and commentary courtesy of a shameless geek.Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.comBlogger217125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-77266574312826860782018-11-13T18:12:00.005-08:002018-11-13T18:17:54.894-08:00Great Power - Bye, Stan!<div class="ui_qtext_para" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: q_serif, Georgia, Times, "Times New Roman", "Hiragino Kaku Gothic Pro", Meiryo, serif; font-size: 15px; margin-bottom: 1em; padding: 0px;">
The Marvel Universe is one of the places that nerds like myself get lost in, just like Star Trek, Star Wars, Harry Potter Universe, Forgotten Realms etc. . . The Marvel universe is at its heart, a science fiction universe and what I think really sets it apart is it’s positive take on the human condition. Yes, Stan Lee’s creativity is preternatural but I certainly don’t want to be the one-millionth person to remind whoever might be reading this that we wouldn’t have Spider-man, the Hulk, Iron Man . . . Okay, I’m doing just that.</div>
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I love science fiction and what a lot of that has in common is that its dark and cynical. And rightfully so. If we look at our past to inform our future, our prospects don’t seem too promising. And yet, we have made progress scientifically and culturally. For all of the complaints about millenials, they (we?) are shaping up to be the most tolerant, educated and progressive generation to have ever lived, as should be the case for every new generation to arise as humanity advances. I hope I’m not overstating things if I say that I think people like Stan Lee play a huge role in asserting progressive culture. That world that he helped create is an example of art imitating life and vice versa. In many ways the Marvel Universe looks like us and at the same time we try to emulate it. It’s a world of diverse, intelligent, ambitious and moral people.</div>
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From time to time, someone like Stan Lee or Gene Roddenberry come along and show us that we’re not so bad after all. They show us that humanity can do better. We can be brave, we can be disciplined, we can be strong and we can be intelligent. But most importantly, we have the power to help others, assert our dignity and fight against bad ideas. As one example, in 1963 Stan Lee gave us the X-men, a cast of diverse super-heroes of various races facing the challenges of being feared and despised minorities. And for over 50 years these characters have been used to give us a progressive perspective on the civil rights movement, the gay rights movement and just being decent to your fellow man. He didn’t just create a universe to play in, he made a universe that we could <i>all</i> play in, that we could <i>all</i> identify with and he used his stories to challenge bigotry. I can think of nothing more appropriate than using an art form as uniquely American as comic books to tackle these very American problems.</div>
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Seeing these very old problems rear their head again makes me miss Stan Lee even more. Things have taken such a strange turn that any time a minority or woman of colour is cast in a movie, the far Right launches a hostile campaign to try to ruin everyone’s fun. And yet, in 1966 Stan Lee made Black Panther <i>because</i> there was a dearth of black super-heroes. And he made this super-hero by steering clear of offensive stereotypes and demeaning fallacies. He courageously acknowledges the damage that racism has done to America by using his stories as allegories for these problems.</div>
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So from now on, every time some simpleton complains about ‘politically correct casting’ or loses their mind at a race or gender change for a character, I wish they would have to listen to Stan Lee in this video at 1:11 on a loop for an entire day until they get the picture. The point is to be inclusive, the point of these heroes is to fight against bigotry and other wrongs.</div>
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<span class="qlink_container"><a class="external_link" data-qt-tooltip="youtube.com" href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4-UHPLjPA8M" rel="noopener nofollow" style="background: url("//qsf.fs.quoracdn.net/-3-images.new_grid.external_link.svg-26-7f84ed22dfd7e97b.svg") right 0.3em / 10.5px no-repeat; color: #2b6dad; padding-right: 15px; text-decoration-line: none;" target="_blank">Stan Lee's Mutants, Monsters and Marvels, part 2</a></span></div>
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Even from a purely creative point of view, the pantheon of super-heroes has become somewhat immutable. There aren’t a lot of new men in tights showing up in comic books or on the big screen. The latter part of the century was a virtual Cambrian explosion of creativity with an endless list of character popping onto the scene, many of them the brainchild of Stan Lee and his colleagues. And now that’s stopped. As far as comics and even movies go, creators dive into that well and have been mining it for decades. These characters, some half a century old are dominating the box office and have become a film genre unto themselves. And any tampering with these characters is met with naked hostility.</div>
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Gene’s gone. Now Stan’s gone. It makes me wonder who’s going to take up the mantle of making a universe for all of us to aspire to? Someone who’s going to show us the better parts of ourselves and confront the bad guys in our world with the open hostility they deserve? It's gone viral, you've seen it a million times already today, but to me, it's the most important thing that Stan Lee contributed to our world so I'll include it here (even though it might be illegible, you've seen it already).</div>
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Fiction has never just been about entertainment to me. It’s about taking a look at ourselves. Stan Lee did that with unique courage, childlike wonder and a loving heart. We need more like him, especially now.</div>
Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-15874281978312045732016-03-28T15:54:00.003-07:002016-04-07T12:06:47.345-07:00Batman V Superman - Dawn of Justice Review<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->When my cousins and I get together we almost always talk
about movies for hours. So, it should come as no surprise that after Easter dinner
when I got a visit from my cousins (several of them wearing Superman logos on
some article of clothing, except for the youngest who was wearing a Spiderman
outfit), we got into Batman V. Superman : Dawn of Justice. To my younger
cousins, it was like telling them there was no Santa Claus. To my older
cousins, it was like telling them there was no God.<br />
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<a href="http://pre01.deviantart.net/a459/th/pre/i/2016/007/7/f/batman_v_superman__dawn_of_justice_trinity_poster_by_bryanzap-d9n2yf5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" class="irc_mi" src="http://pre01.deviantart.net/a459/th/pre/i/2016/007/7/f/batman_v_superman__dawn_of_justice_trinity_poster_by_bryanzap-d9n2yf5.jpg" height="393" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="279" /></a> </div>
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After the first 30-40 minutes my cousin, an intelligent young
man of 7 observed, “Well, you keep saying it was a bad movie but you’re also
mentioning a lot of things you liked about it!” I replied by asking him what
his favourite food was. Favourite drink? What’s your favourite dessert? Now
what if I took, spaghetti, apple pie and sprite, put it in a blender and then
told you to drink it? Well, that’s what’s wrong with Batman V Superman. There’s
a lot of stuff to enjoy in that slurry of favourites, but you only get to taste
them as errant chunks that may brush incidentally against the right taste bud.</div>
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There’s a good movie in Batman V Superman. Maybe there’s
several good movies in Batman V Superman. There's a Batman movie. There's a Superman vs Lex movie. There's a Wonder Woman movie. They’re just blended together into a
structureless mess that’s difficult to follow. You don’t get a chance to anchor
yourself with any particular element of the movie, be it an emotional thread or
just a plot point, before you’re jerked into a new scene with no establishing
shot. One moment Superman is flying away. “Where is he going?” Then some stuff
happens at night with Lex Luthor. Then we cut to Superman’s face but he’s in
the mountains and it’s daytime and maybe he’s hallucinating the stuff that’s
happening in that scene. Cut to more night time stuff. Cut to Superman rescuing
Lois from peril and Lois declaring, “You came back!” What...? He came back? Wait, he left? Why? It’s disorienting. And the whole movie has
a feeling of random events that are not well connected.</div>
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So what about the taste chunks that I enjoyed? I guess for
starters I was excited that Batman and Superman were in the same movie. That
may have been enough for me to enjoy this movie. Sue me! I like the main story which is simply that Batman and Lex Luthor are afraid of Superman so they devise plans to kill him. As the movie goes along their motivations become pretty muddled though.<br />
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<img alt="" class="spotlight" height="320" src="https://scontent-yyz1-1.xx.fbcdn.net/hphotos-xpl1/v/t1.0-9/11148629_1153645661342871_411568167335695145_n.jpg?oh=6cd101d6f1f552d13c475ed56e722511&oe=57812F8C" width="302" /><br />
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Some of the action
scenes were fun, especially the ones with Batman in them. Ben Affleck is a
great Batman, maybe my favourite Batman but he’s given a clumsy, awkward script.
Gal Gadot as Wonder Woman is not bad either. I always liked Henry Cavill as
Superman. I find he plays the role with a kind of alien detachment that works for
this interpretation of the character. Sure, he’s a bit of a drag. He’s kind of
mopey all the time and he makes rescuing people seem like a burden. The movie
could have afforded to make his rescues something to cheer at. Instead the
audience is asked to contemplate Superman’s actions. “Do we want a Superman?”</div>
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And I think the common sense answer to that question is “yes”.
It would be great to have an omnipotent being, flying around saving everyone. But
it would be nice if he smiled while doing it. And I’m not saying that’s not a
good question for a movie to ask. The movie tries to set you up for a
speculative, science fiction outing where we’re supposed to wonder what it
would be like if Superman/God were real. Would he be political? Would we want
him to kill bad people? Would he defer to the judgement of humanity or would he
act according to his own will and make his own judgements?</div>
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And the movie answers this question in the character of Lex
Luthor, played by a twitchy, manic Jesse Eisenberg. His answer is, “God doesn’t exist because if he’s
all powerful, then he’s obviously not all good and if he’s all good he’s
obviously not all powerful.” Which is Superman? Batman has a theory, and he
tests it by punching Superman in the face and shooting him with things. It’s
also interesting to note that Batman actually does all of those things that we
are scared an omnipotent God would do.</div>
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Look, you either like this stuff or you don’t. Is it too
pretentious for a movie about men in tights? Maybe. And there’s no denying that
whatever the thematic ambitions of this movie are, they are not well handled. Batman
V Superman is a choppy, frenetic product spliced together with commercials for
other movies that we’ll be getting in the DC universe. But, at this point, I’m
kind of grateful that they made the effort to do something like this.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We get a lot of super-hero/sci-fi action movies
these days and they mostly (with some exceptions) follow the same formula.
Someone discovers they have powers or a suit. And then there’s a bad guy with
similar powers or a suit and he wants to destroy a planet (or 5) for no other reason
than he’s the bad guy for this movie. And I enjoy those kinds of movies too!
But if Batman V Superman is like a slurry of many different foods that don’t go
together, Disney sci-fi/action movies are like eating Cheerios for breakfast,
lunch and supper every day. (Yes, I’m doing the Marvel vs DC thing. Sue me!) </div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm about to talk about some very important, dark, depressing stuff. That's what people like in comic book movies, right?</td></tr>
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So BvS gets a pass from me just for being different,
tonally, visually and thematically. Lots of people say the movie is too dark,
too serious, too depressing and it’s a drag. You know what? I like that stuff! If
you don’t, stay away! Early in the movie we’re treated to a guy screaming, “I
can’t feel my legs!” When Batman asks a little girl where her mom is, the girl
points a trembling finger to a ravaged skyscraper. Okay, all of that was a
bummer, even for me. And I don’t think my little cousin would necessarily enjoy
the darkness of it, though he assured me that he’s quite used to violent
movies. I didn’t have the heart to tell him, “No, Batman V. Superman : Dawn of
Justice is a movie for grown-ass men!” Then I’d have to snatch his Superman
tuque off of his head, throw it on the floor and start stomping on it.</div>
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There are lots of elements you’ll either like or not based
on your personal tastes. I found Jesse Eisenberg’s Lex fun enough. He’s not a
version of Lex Luthor we’re familiar with. He would have made a great Riddler!
And even if you do accept that this movie is just doing its own thing with the
character, you may or may not just find him extremely annoying. Batman kills
people. That may not be your thing, either. Superman has no real motivation in
this movie. The movie is more about people reacting to him. Again, a cool idea,
but not always fun to watch. We paid our dues in Man of Steel, now we want to see him being a hero!</div>
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The supporting cast is great. I thought Holly Hunter and Lawrence Fishburne had a few nice scenes. Amy Adams as Lois is wasted once again. I almost forgot to mention Alfred. I love Jeremy Irons as Alfred. He was a nice addition. Can't wait to see some solo Battfleck movies.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">*Spoiler* This is basically a plot point in the movie.</td></tr>
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And then there’s the stupid stuff in the movie that is so bad, it's good. The resolution of the big fight between Batman and Superman
puts the BS in BvS! It’s silly. Anything having to do with Doomsday is
horrible. As if the movie isn't muddle enough, there are dreams, visions and scenes that serve as little more than mini-trailers for future movies in the DCU. One of them in particular (the infamous Knightmare Batman scene) looked great. It just had nothing to do with this movie.<i><b><br /></b></i></div>
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I had too much fun to hate this movie, sometimes waiting for
some setup to payoff (which it often didn’t), other times just laughing at some nonsensical scene. Definitely not for everyone and not
something I can defend as a “good” movie. Just something I can say I enjoyed
enough to want to see again. I think it’s safe to say if you didn’t like Man
of Steel you almost certainly won’t like this. If you’re a nerd, watch it with
a friend. Worst case scenario you’ll have fun making snide remarks for the
challenging 2 hour 30 minute runtime. </div>
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6 bathroom sinks to the face out of 10.</div>
Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-26397045368514986372015-12-08T20:13:00.000-08:002015-12-08T22:07:21.957-08:00Spectre Review<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, it’s always fun to review a divisive movie so let’s
begin. And I’ll begin by saying, I hate this movie. Daniel Craig is my
favourite Bond and Casino Royale may be one of my favourite action movies of
all time. And we all remember when Casino Royale came out people praised it for
being time appropriate. It was gritty and realistic. It treated the character
like he was a human being rather than a superhero. He got bloodied, emotionally
scarred and from beginning to end you felt like you ‘got’ this James Bond. The romance
in Casino Royale was, dare I say, kind of moving and Eva Green is easily my
favourite Bond Girl. Even, the action, fantastic as it was, still seemed grounded
in some kind of reality, enough that nothing made you groan or pulled you out of
the movie.<o:p></o:p></div>
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So why is it that now, barely a decade later, people who
defend Spectre defend it by saying we’re back to a more “classic” or “proper”
bond. A decade ago we collectively said, we’ve outgrown the unrelatable
superhero Bond with Casino Royale. Spectre says, “No we haven’t!” And as if
Casino Royale never happened, we’re back to goofy action that defies logic.
We’re back to ridiculous escape scenes that leave our hero unscathed both
emotionally and physically. We’re back to the “run, shoot, drive, gadget,
straighten tie, end scene” Bond. And though they enthusiastically inundate us
with eye-rolling action goofiness, the one thing they somehow manage to omit
from our “classic” bond, is a sense of humour. Bond used to be funny, right? <br />
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<o:p></o:p></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I don't know why I have this here. I just find the Archer turtleneck hilarious.</td></tr>
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It’s like we’re getting the worst of both worlds. The careless
camp of the corniest bond movies, and the often dour tone of the new. I’d say
the action scenes here are almost reaching the ludicrous (no pun intended)
levels of a Fast and Furious movies, but with none of the fun. At very least, a
Bond movie should have that one game changing scene or stunt that makes people
pay attention. The bungee jump in Goldeneye, the game changing parkour scene
at the beginning of Casino Royale and yes, even the car chase on ice in Die
Another Day. I found myself thinking of the last Fast and Furious movie. At
least they dropped cars out of a plane! And the over the top scene where the
car flies between buildings? One of the best things I’ve seen all year! Great
fun. Then I thought, “God help me, I’m watching one of my favourite franchises
ever and longing for a scene from the Fast and Furious!” and “I had more fun
with this plot in the last Mission Impossible movie!”<o:p></o:p></div>
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Among the many things missing from Spectre is my beloved
Judi Dench who provided the last three movies with heart, soul and in my
opinion some legitimate laughs, especially when she manages to cut Bond down to
size. Ralph Fiennes is a great actor but as the new M he has nothing to do
except be the guy who lets us know, “Bond has gone rogue.” Yes, Bond goes rogue
again. AGAIN! What was great about Dench’s M is that she is not just another
woman to swoon over bond, but also, she is not just another Beta-male for Bond
to have a testosterone match with. Moneypenny, Q and that bald guy are there to
provide exposition when needed. I found Lea Sedoux quite dull and when she
tells Bond, “I love you” my wife and I looked at each other, genuinely
appalled. And we’ve seen all 5 Twilight movies in theatres!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://www.wired.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/11/spectre-B24_01340_r_rgb.jpg" height="212" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I think I'm winning."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Was Spectre all bad? There was a car chase where Bond has
some interesting banter with Moneypenny. That was the closest thing to enjoyment
I had for the entire outing. There are other ominous moments, like the scene
from the trailer in the dark room where we see Christoph Waltz silhouette. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Some of you might be thinking, “Yeah! Christoph Waltz is in
it! I love him!” Yes. He’s in it. I like him too. But, he’s underused and has
very little to do. And I really don’t get this villain. I get Le Chiffre, from
Casino Royale. He’s a greedy business man with a gambling problem. I get Raoul Silva
from Skyfall, who was creepy and did a great job of convincing us that he was
betrayed by M. Christoph Waltz’s character claims he has a vision for the
world, and it has something to do with spying on everyone on the planet. Okay?
His super-villain soliloquy is incoherent, having something to do with a
meteorite and making something beautiful out of something ugly. The rant has
nothing to do with anything, and like so many things in Spectre, just reminds
you of the same scene done much better in another Bond movie.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="400" src="https://m2.behance.net/rendition/pm/22239807/disp/38e4997a182b1843300e601ca4524bfc.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="282" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Was he moving his hand to straighten his tie and then realized he was wearing the wrong kind of tie?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For me, an action movie is all about the villain. The
villain’s motivation gives the plot its momentum and often its thesis. They try
to do that here and fail. It feels like to beef up the villain, they gave Waltz’s
character a secret past with Bond and that’s where Spectre’s hollowness really
shows. Here I’m going to have to go into some spoilers. Ready? Spoilers
starting… Now!!!!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe you saw the last Star Trek movie where it was teased
that the main villain was Khan. Or was he? Well, it turns out he was. And no
one cared. Why should they? I’ve heard of Khan but Captain Kirk hasn’t. When
Benedict Cumberbatch says his name is “Khan” Kirk responded to this revelation
with a furrowed brow and shrugged shoulders. Spock even had to ask old Spock.
“Who the f**k’s Khan?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
They do that in this movie and it’s embarrassing. If you
don’t see it coming from the trailers and one of the very early scenes in the
movie, Christoph Waltz plays Bond’s stepbrother. He allegedly killed Bond’s
stepfather and any woman Bond has had sex with, retroactively revealing that he
was somehow behind the events of the previous three films. Why is this villain
such a jerk? As best I can understand it’s because he was jealous of Bond’s
relationship with his father, but they don’t go too much into detail there,
possibly because they seem to realize how stupid, weak and contrived that motivation
was for a villain who wants to take over the world. Bond, played by an
emotionally bereft Daniel Craig, doesn’t react to any of this news either. But
the astonishing revelations don’t end there! During a torture scene, Christoph
Waltz, up until that point known as Obernhauser reveals that he changed his
name to Blofeld! Blofeld? Wow! That’s the name of a character from other Bond
movies! But in this continuity Bond doesn’t know that name. The name isn’t
mentioned once before that scene and is not mentioned again afterward. I don’t
even remember Bond raising an eyebrow at this before the torture scene resumes.
And why should he? James Bond has never seen a James Bond movie, he doesn’t
know or care who Blofeld is. And quite frankly in this movie, neither do I!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Previous Bond movies have been building to (or perhaps just hinting at) the discovery of
“Spectre” a shadowy organization that rules the world, and when you actually
get there, well, it’s difficult to care. It’s one of those movies that feels
like it was written backward. They knew Bond had to discover Spectre. They knew
they wanted Bond to discover that Blofeld was his brother, but they didn’t seem
to know how to bring the story to that point. So, at different points in the
movie someone will just tell Bond what he needs to know as a pander to the
audience, to give this weak movie a feeling of scope that is entirely unearned.
“I’m your brother Bond! I’m Blofeld Bond! All the other bad guys you fought in
previous movies work for me, Bond!” It’s
also very telling and strange that each of these revelations is mentioned once
and never brought up again. But what is totally unforgivable about these reveals is that they don't change the movie at all! They don't add anything to the characters, the plot or the franchise. I suppose one could argue that they don't take anything away from the movie either, but this insistence on meta, self-referential "plot points" felt like failed attempts to add substance or surprise to a movie that really needed some of both.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The heady success of Skyfall also seems to have convinced
the producers that Bond movies now need to make over a billion dollars at the box
office, making this the most expensive Bond movie ever made. What does that
mean? Lots of safe decisions. If you were to pick Bond clichés out of a hat and
pin them to a bulletin board, the result would be Spectre, which may not be a
horrible thing for some fans, but was a huge disappointment for me who likes the plot driven movies that came before it.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Is it time for a reboot? I’ll miss you Craig but… Where do
we go from here? Everything you got right in Casino Royale, Skyfall and God
help me even Quantum of Solace you got wrong here. Worst Bond Girl, a villain
with no intelligible motivations, unconvincing escapes, forgettable action,
dull characters and an extremely bored looking Daniel Craig.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
¸4 references to old Bond movies out of 10<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Bonus Bitching!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Other things I hated: 1) Horrible unearned romance that
makes the kiss between Lois and Clark in Man of Steel look like Romeo and
Juliet. 2) At least three instances of Bond walking into a trap and the villain
letting him off the hook because… movie. 3) They blow up the villain’s compound
by shooting a gas valve. Like, the whole compound immediately explodes like the
Death Star from a few bullets! 4) Tired, clicheed, “The bad guys want to spy on
everyone” plot except, James Bond IS A SPY. His job is spying on people… I
don’t… get…. 5) They were trying to shut down the double 0 program in the last
movie. They’re STILL trying to shut it down here and I’ve stopped caring. 6) I
know it’s a Bond movie and we have to suspend disbelief, but where the hell is
he finding planes and boats with keys in the ignition ready to chase down bad
guys? <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-80987672193581313292015-05-04T19:49:00.000-07:002015-05-04T21:04:36.155-07:00Avengers : Age of Ultron Review<div class="MsoNormal">
Avengers: Age of Ultron! It was
super entertaining and really funny. I love the actors, I love Joss Whedon’s
witty dialogue but this time around I also got a sense of impending doom throughout
that I don’t get from too many super-hero movies. This is done without getting
too brooding and mopey which I’m sure general audiences will appreciate. The
story was a little simple (the robot wants to destroy the world). I was hoping
for something a little meatier from this 11<sup>th</sup> Marvel movie, but I
guess they can’t afford too much narrative with all the characters they need to
service.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://www.eonline.com/eol_images/Entire_Site/2014625/rs_1024x681-140725101930-1024.Avengers-Jeremy-Renner.jl.072514.jpg" height="133" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="200" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Hawkeye fighting to be less lame.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
And Joss Whedon does an incredible job with this gargantuan
cast. It’s kind of awesome actually. He knows when to spend extra time with our
favourites, like RDJ as Iron Man and Chris Evans as Cap, but he’s also able to
give Jeremy Renner’s Hawkeye some of the best moments in the movie. To my amazement,
he really did run away with the ball in this outing, having the best character
arc, the best scenes all while making fun of how comical it is for a guy to go
into battle with a bow and arrow when his peers can level a city block in
minutes. They did a good job developing Black Widow (Scarlett Johansson) and
Hulk (Mark Ruffalo) as well as newbies Quicksilver (Aaron Taylor-Johson) and Scarlett Witch (Elizabeth Olsen, sister of
Mary Kate and Ashley from Full House!). And that’s to say nothing of the handful of cameos that
manage to add some emotional weight to some scenes without coming off as awkward
fan service. I found myself less likely to get bored of a scene with the characters sitting around and talking than I was watching a scene where everything was blowing up. Who would have thought?</div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="http://thesupernaughts.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/04/Avengers-age-of-ultron-avengers-party.jpg" height="201" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Avengers being cool.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The plot about Tony Stark’s artificial intelligence program going
rogue runs along at a brisk pace. The movie’s villain, Ultron, is a robot that
wants to destroy mankind, believing the extinction of the human race is the
only way to bring peace to earth. It’s simple, it’s even a bit of a cliché but
it works well enough. There is a lot to be said for execution and I found the
scene where Ultron decides humans are too evil to survive was rather striking.
Ultron, voiced and motion captured by James Spader, gets to exercise his
comedic muscle just like everyone else in the
movie, sometimes to mixed effect. I did find the humour was overdone in some
scenes for all the characters. You can be in the middle of an intense action
scene and Whedon will insert a corny joke into it, sometimes diffusing the
tension.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It goes without saying the action was great, but it’s hard
to get excited about action these days, isn’t it? What CGI scene could a computer produce
that we haven’t seen a million times already? And what peril could possibly be
dreamed up for our heroes that would actually cause us to fret with concern?
The climax came out of nowhere for me. I was never entirely sure what Ultron
was up to and when we finally got to his end game with a floating city it kind
of blind-sided me. It felt like one set-piece after another until : “Oh, we’re
almost at the 2 hour mark. Time to wrap things up!” And then the movie ends
with a handful of rushed sci-fi/fantasy contrivances.<o:p></o:p></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="163" src="https://s3-us-west-2.amazonaws.com/geekslife/wp-content/uploads/2015/05/01180626/avengers-age-ultron4.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Are you not entertained?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
These criticisms are offset by the movie’s devotion to pure entertainment
however. I was either laughing or gawking at the spectacle for 2 hours and 20
minutes. What more can you ask? It’s also kind of fascinating to see how much this
movie is a product of its time. I found it very funny how the movie dealt with
the now controversial issue of collateral damage. In these super-hero movies,
buildings topple over like dominos and we’re often left to wonder how many
people were killed in the rubble. We’re usually not explicitly shown human
casualties but in movies like Man of Steel which strives to be a “realistic”
take on the character we can only assume lots of people die in battles like
this. It ended up being one of the biggest criticisms of Man of Steel and some
people pointed out that the climax of the first Avengers movie was not much
better.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Enter Age of Ultron! Every
time there’s a battle in a city our heroes will preface the pending destruction
with a half-ass disclaimer. “Hey, we have to keep the casualties low!” But they
still want to destroy buildings. So before levelling a building our heroes will
say something like, “That buildings is empty!” or, “There’s only one family in
that building, so it won’t be too much trouble to get them out!” (I have in
mind one jarring scene where Iron Man flies people out of a collapsing building
in a bathtub). Too many convenient and easy rescues seem like cheating to me,
but it's better than nothing (is it?), I guess from now on big battles in a city scenes will
always need to include a line that lets us know the people are okay.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="510" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/jkPwc43-9ic" width="854"></iframe></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Other moments that brought me out of the movie, despite how
funny these moments were, is when they take shots at the lamer heroes’ powers. “Vibranium.
The most versatile substance on Earth, and humans use it to make a Frisbee.” Referring
to Captain America’s shield. “We’re in a floating city, fighting an army of
robots and I’m armed with a bow and arrows. It makes no sense.” Hawkeye taking
a jab at how lame he is. Has it taken 11 movies to finally become insecure
about how ridiculous the super-hero genre is? It’s interesting and probably
wise that Age of Ultron chooses to embrace its cheesiness instead of trying to
dampen it. People did not respond well to Man of Steel which really did take
itself too seriously in an attempt to give credibility to its high stakes plot.
I enjoyed Man of Steel, but I have to say, acknowledging the implausibility of
these movies with some light humour does seem to be the way to go. I just wish
the Marvel movies didn’t always go as far as they do with the comedy.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<img src="http://i2.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/858/694/5c4.jpg" height="265" width="320" /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There is no denying it’s a good time at the movies. I am
constantly wary that this era of super-hero movies probably comes with an
expiry date. But Age of Ultron assures us that it’s not anytime soon. The
biggest praise I can lavish on this movie is it didn’t feel as repetitive as
many of the other Marvel movies. It’s one of the rare occasions in the Marvel
Universe where I feel like I’m on track for some new and interesting stories
with Civil War and the Infinity War right around the corner. Age of Ultron was
satisfying on its own and still managed to hook me with its sequel bait. Maybe
I should wait for a second viewing before giving it a rating but for now it
stands at a solid <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
7.5 casual detours to a foreign (and sometimes fictional)
country out of 10<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br />
Post review rant : Anyone notice that all the cameos in this movie are the Black sidekicks from the other movies? Wouldn't it have been a great opportunity for Black Panther to have shown up in Wakanda to say, "I am no one's sidekick! But my movie has been pushed back to 2018 :-( #AvengersAgeofAfricanAmericansidekicks." Also, isn't it weird that Ultron's lips move like they're made of flesh? I don't know how I feel about that. Also, how come Ultron doesn't back up his consciouness on a USB stick or something? Did RDJ seem kind of tired in some scenes to you? Also weird, when Black Widow says, "They sterilized me when I was very young. Do you (Hulk) still think you're the only monster on the team?" <a href="http://www.ew.com/article/2015/04/29/entertainment-geekly-black-widow-conundrum" target="_blank">Being sterile makes her a monster?</a> She kills people.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
How would I rate other super hero movies? Here’s a quick
list off the top of my head.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Dark Knight - </b>9/10<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Man of Steel - </b>8.5/10<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Winter Solider - </b>8.5/10<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Watchmen - </b>8/10<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Days of Future Past -
</b>8/10<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The Rocketeer - </b>8/10<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Iron Man – </b>7.5/10<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Darkman - </b>7/10<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Avengers</b> - 7/10</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Spiderman 2 - </b>7/10<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Blade - </b>7/10<b><o:p></o:p></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Guardians of the
Galaxy - </b>6.5/10</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>The Incredible Hulk -
</b>6/10</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Thor 2 - </b>5/10</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Superman Returns</b> - 4/10</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b>Amazing Spiderman 2 -
</b>2/10</div>
Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-90114663236684742982014-09-01T09:16:00.000-07:002014-09-01T09:21:38.553-07:00The Nice Bucket Challenge<div class="MsoNormal">
It should come as no surprise that people are criticising
the Ice Bucket Challenge. Criticising is easy and about as much fun as pouring
a bucket of ice over your head! Heck, I criticize everything all of the time. “Why
are you even reading this blog post? Don’t you have more important things to do
with your time? People are out there trying to cure cancer and you’re here
goofing off online!” And in making other people feel bad, my brain releases a
neurotransmitter, sweet dopamine, that makes me feel good about myself! (I have not read anything that says we get a dopamine surge from criticizing people, but let's just roll with it). Do
people criticize the Ice Bucket Challenge to get their dopamine fix WITHOUT
pouring ice water over themselves? Or are there some legitimate concerns about
how we give our money?<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
It’s been called slacktivism. People are having lots of fun
doing the Ice Bucket Challenge but, according to some, it’s doing far more to
cater to people’s narcissism than it is doing to advance any cause. Harsh! Let’s
talk about narcissism and charity for a second. There’s this old-fashioned idea
that if you’re giving to charity you shouldn’t tell anyone about it. It’s such
an old fashioned idea that Jesus said it! “When you give to the needy don’t let
your right hand know what your left hand is doing.” There is some wisdom to
that. There’s nothing more obnoxious than someone bragging about how much they
do for charity. Of course drawing attention to a cause doesn’t have to mean you’re
showing off either. Obviously there is a fine line between the two but it's obvious that in the age of social media, drawing attention to a cause is
simply a great way to raise money for it. More money has been raised for ALS
than has ever been raised in the past, humility be damned! So the question is,
do you want to raise money for a cause, or do you want to be polishing your
halo in private? Okay, that sounds kind of gross but … you get my point! The
ends probably justify the means.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Of course this leads to the next criticism of the ice bucket
challenge. “So few people suffer from ALS, why should we be raising money for
them when so many people are dying from Heart Disease, Cancer, diabetes,
starvation, drought etc….? Isn’t there a greater need elsewhere?” Doesn’t this
sound like the same kind of argument people make when they complain about the
space program? “Why are we sending folks
to the moon? There’s no oil up there or anything!” I don’t think science works
like that. Sometimes working towards something like a cure for cancer helps
scientist learn a bunch of stuff along the way. ALS is a disease where cells in
the brain start to die off for reasons that are not completely understood yet.
Don’t people think we’ll benefit from a better understanding of the brain?
Won’t we be better off with the knowledge acquired by scientists who happen to
write the word “ALS” somewhere on their grants? Think of all the scientists and
hungry grad students(so hungry…) that money will fund in a world where research
is heinously underfunded. You might be saying, “Well, what about Multiple Sclerosis? Far
more people suffer from that disease than from ALS.” To you I say, “Please
donate to charities that fund Multiple Sclerosis research.” Or whatever cause
makes you feel good.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There have been claims made that people will actually give
less to other charities if they do in fact decide to donate to ALS. You can
almost see someone looking at their bank account, throwing their hands in the
air and saying, “Well, looks like this year those orphans are plumb out of
luck! ALS! WOOT!” Are we over-estimating
the effect of “funding cannibalism?” If this is an actual phenomenon, can we
encourage people to give more generously or at least more carefully without turning
a successful fundraiser into another reason to be cynical? People around the
world have raised 100 million dollars to fund research toward one of the most
horrible diseases on the planet. Good job people! What an accomplishment!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
None of this is to say there aren’t some relevant points to
be made about how we give (how much money and to whom). And I’m grateful to the
critics who have opened the floor for discussion about charity. But let’s not
harp on the negative without recognizing the positive. I love the idea that
people can get turned on by compassion or motivated to do something compassionate
if it’s attached to a fun meme. Let’s face it, at the end of the day, if we
give to charity at all, we give to feel good and making a difference makes you
feel good! (Sweet dopamine). Being goofy with your friends also makes you feel
good! Can we give more intelligently? That’s a topic for discussion. Is ALS the
best cause to give your money to? Well, I think that’s in the eye of the
beholder. Just be generous and if your giving helps one person, or one million
you’ve done something positive. And if you just like looking like an idiot on
Facebook, that’s fine too. In a few weeks we’ll all be back to pictures of
food, pets and selfies. No problem! The
best we can hope for is that the Ice Bucket Challenge will encourage us to be
more generous in our day to day lives, even after this trend has melted into a
cold puddle and evaporated. <o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Maybe it’s my imagination but the news has been utterly
depressing these days. I’m not surprised at all that people have latched on so
quickly to this fun, quirky little ritual.
Maybe you believe there are other charities that need more attention.
Let your friends know about them. I've always been a bit of a cheerleader for bringing clean driniking water to developing countries and <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=DlGhuud-s4w" target="_blank">I'm far from the first person to see the irony in the fact that we have so much water</a> to spare that we dump it over our heads for fun.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="510" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/P1Gq4PihLKw" width="854"></iframe><br />
<br />
A few recommended charities.</div>
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https://www.als.ca/en</div>
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http://www.alsa.org/</div>
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http://plancanada.ca/sponsor-the-water-project</div>
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http://water.org/</div>
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Not to steal any thunder from those raising money for
ALS. I’ll be donating to them as well.<br />
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One last point, there are probably a whole lot of people out
there you don’t want to give your money to. Research your charities before
giving your time and money supporting them. There are some nifty tools out
there like Charity Navigator that will give you a rating for a lot of different
charities, mainly based on how closely they meet their mission objectives.</div>
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<o:p></o:p></div>
Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-91482181866556663532014-06-27T09:25:00.001-07:002014-06-27T09:44:21.796-07:00Why the Transformers Movies Make Me AngryWhat makes me angry is that Optimus Prime is such a memorable character that years ago, when one of our friends took another friend's Optimus Prime toy and made him stick up the middle finger, we all immediately said, "That's not right, he would NEVER do that. Optimus Prime is an honorable gentleman."<br />
<br />
Then along comes Michael Bay and makes Optimus Prime some kind of degenerate psychopath. It makes me angry that the movies are based on a beloved cartoon made to sell toys to children, and that the cartoons are still far more intelligent than the movies. It makes me angry that these movies are so long. Why? Because longer movies can't be shown as many times in a day and therefore make less money. Which means that Michael Bay doesn't make the movies long for some financial reasons, he makes them long for... dare I suggest artistic reason? Because he thinks we want to watch 3 hours of this???<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmZhjzU_JmkKojtgEuLsb_O9Th_P9ArsqR6XW_4Rp3cOGt624Qewcg4drPLCIOYpvNaGM0WZgg5ofWDDuwXCZ1mPIPbkhwuJw-x3QxwruQzqaq6LF2tE3rNoTSjSuIEJ-7S8Ct/s1600/What+the.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhmZhjzU_JmkKojtgEuLsb_O9Th_P9ArsqR6XW_4Rp3cOGt624Qewcg4drPLCIOYpvNaGM0WZgg5ofWDDuwXCZ1mPIPbkhwuJw-x3QxwruQzqaq6LF2tE3rNoTSjSuIEJ-7S8Ct/s1600/What+the.jpg" height="127" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">A scene from Transformers 3. What the hell are we looking at here???</td></tr>
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<br />
It makes me angry that they try to be funny but they're not. It makes me angry that there are so many good movies, action movies even, that are soooo much better that no one bothers with. It makes me angry that Transformer movies are racist, sexist, jingoist and stupid. But most of all, it makes me angry that the stories are so incoherent that you can only conclude that no one involved cares at all!!! And after all that, they still make billions of dollars, which means people actually like them!! So ultimately it makes me angry at the world.<br />
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Please stop watching these movies.Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-29184266604613425502013-06-17T16:53:00.000-07:002013-06-17T16:53:11.782-07:00Man of Steel Review<br />
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If you're a super-hero nerd like myself, you have been anticipating Man of Steel for a long time and now that it's finally out you have either already seen it or you are wondering why the reviews for it seem to be so mediocre. Having seen the movie I would have to say I'm slightly surprised by the stale response that critics had toward Man of Steel. I was really into it. Like all movies these days, it is impossible not to compare it to the slew of super-hero movies that have inundated cinemas for the past, let's say decade. Take this movie and release it 10 or even 5 years ago and it would have been one of the best things anyone has ever seen. As such I can only conclude if you generally like super hero movies and don't like Man of Steel, it was for 1 of a few reasons. Among them.<br />
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1) It wasn't Chris Nolan's Dark Knight Franchise.<br />
2) It wasn't the Avengers.<br />
3) Your standards for a movie about a guy who flies around in blue spandex are too high.<br />
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I'm not saying the movie was a flawless masterpiece, quite the contrary. Just that it's a victim of it's own hubris and few movies could live up to the expectations that were placed on this Man of Steel movie. I was never bored by it, except maybe during the last set-piece (more on that in a bit). The story was great and the action was for the most part fantastic. Tonally, I would say it is somewhere between the brooding Dark Knight films and the action packed Avengers. The movie was severely lacking humour though. Don't get me wrong, I'm glad the movie wasn't the perpetual wise-cracking slapstick that was Iron Man 3. That wouldn't be consistent with the character. But it didn't have to take itself as seriously as it did either.<br />
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It almost felt like 2 different movies. For the first 30 to 60 minutes, I was watching something spectacular. The cinematography was gorgeous and it really drew me in. It took its time telling a story. This movie has Krypton like you have never seen it before, with eye-popping visuals, complex culture and politics. They did a good job of giving us the Superman backstory without getting too bogged own in it. It reminded me of Batman Begins. They jump around in time so that you only get the information you need (though director Zack Snyder doesn't do it nearly as well as Chris Nolan). By the time Clark Kent becomes Superman you're like, "Already? Well, that was pretty cool."<br />
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And then, problems start to pop up. The characters do and say things that don't make any sense. Martha Kent's (Diane Lane) reaction to Superman saying, "I've found my people!" Was little more than a dry, "Good for you." As if she couldn't care less. Had I been Superman at that moment I would have been like, "Good for me...? My people are aliens! From outer space and I found them! Our planet blew up, they're all dead! Do you know what a planet is, Mom? Also, I can freaking fly! Mom? Are you awake?"<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="213" id="irc_mi" src="http://l2.yimg.com/bt/api/res/1.2/U_zFG_y43MZSiIEFafu.YA--/YXBwaWQ9eW5ld3M7Zmk9ZmlsbDtoPTQyMDtweW9mZj0wO3E9ODU7dz02MzA-/http://l.yimg.com/os/251/2013/06/14/MOS-06563-jpg_182248.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Superman: "Mom, I'm from another planet that exploded and I'm the last of my kind."<br />Martha Kent: "Meh..."</td></tr>
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You may have seen the scene in trailers where a young Superman, after rescuing a bunch of children from drowning in a bus, asks his father, "What was I supposed to do? Let them die." And a morally bankrupt Jonathan Kent played by Kevin Costner basically says, "Yes." Really?? The idea is supposed to be that Superman's adopted father is so worried that people will persecute Superman when they find out he's an alien, that he should keep his powers a secret, even if it means standing by and watching people die. It gets a little strange.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Clark... God clearly wanted those children to die. I know you have super powers but I don't want you going around saving people's lives!"</td></tr>
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And then the ultimate sin of this movie comes in the last 45 minutes. Non-stop, mind-numbing, senseless action. There are times when the action is great. But the final set-piece is way too long. It was ALMOST as tedious to sit through as the ending of Transformers 2 and 3. Buildings are crumbling to bits, Superman endlessly punches the villain, sending him flying through walls and even into outerspace. At a certain point someone throws a train at Superman and then an orbital satellite which just made me laugh out loud. It was overkill. You'll hear this phrase in many reviews of Man of Steel. "Less is more!"<br />
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Was the movie too melodramatic at some points? Definitely. But other
times it was spot on. Other times the action or the pacing just seemed
off. Other times it was perfect. Henry Cavill's Superman didn't have
great chemistry with anyone on screen from his parents to Amy Adams'
Lois Lane. I think he was trying too hard to be alien and
otherworldly. Sometimes it actually worked quite well in a scene,
other times it was just creepy and weird. But there is no denying that he
looks the part.<br />
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At the end of the day I would say, aside from a few misfires, it's a good movie. After the origin story, which is as well known as the story of Jesus at this point, Man of Steel becomes an alien invasion story done sufficiently. The invaders have history, and culture and motivation and are lead by a charismatic General Zod played by Michael Shannon who many critics feel was not in full form, but still very good. <br />
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The movie is inconsistent. Its high points are incredibly high, and it's low points are jarring enough to take you out of the movie entirely. But in many ways this is the Superman movie a lot of us have been waiting for. Finally, he gets a worthy adversary! The battle scenes in this movie are what has been missing from our Man of Steel all these years.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Time for an epic fight! And by epic I mean long.</td></tr>
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So, if you're a fan of Superman, comic books or the DC universe, I suggest you just roll with it. Not all movies can be Dark Knight, or Avengers. On the bright side the movie isn't Daredevil or Spider-man 3 either (yet). Besides, we have tolerated all kinds of sub-par super hero movies. When I think of Marvel's Thor, Captain America and Iron Man 2 as build ups to the Avengers, I would have to say that Man of Steel is at least as good or better than those, though it would have benefit from a little humour here and there. <br />
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And, the good news is, with the success of this movie there is some hope that the DC Universe will finally find life at the cinema. Justice League movie? More Batman movies? That's all us fanboys want. So I choose to give Man of Steel a break and say it was enough that it wasn't terrible. The plot held together relatively well, it was exciting and I was rarely ever bored by it..<br />
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3.75 choo-choo trains to the face out of 5<br /><br />A few very minor spoilers. If anyone has seen the documentary, "An Evening With Kevin Smith" you will probably remember his story about the brief time he was hired to write for the Man of Steel movie. This was back in 2001 and he tells a great story about producer Jon Peters, who is in fact one of the producers of Man of Steel today. The story goes that Jon Peters insisted that Superman have a giant spider in it for no apparent reason and that polar bears guard the Fortress of Solitude. Though Jon Peters eventually got to shoehorn a giant spider into the movie, Wild Wild West I think it's pretty clear that the World Engine is some kind of giant spider. Also, there is a very odd shot of a polar bear early in the movie. <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=vgYhLIThTvk#t=313s" target="_blank">Start watching at 5:18 for the Jon Peters story.</a><br />http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=vgYhLIThTvk#t=313s<br /><br /><iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/vgYhLIThTvk?feature=player_detailpage" width="640"></iframe><br /><br />Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-75428089880052482702013-05-23T14:51:00.000-07:002013-05-23T14:51:18.702-07:00Iron Man 3<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Who will deliver the goods this summer? Iron Man or Man of Steel?</td></tr>
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I've been sitting on this review for a while, not quite sure if my opinion on it is set in stone. Even while watching Iron Man 3 I went through periods of loving it to periods of hating it. What's clear is Iron Man 3 is a movie that seems so eager to please. I think they tried to do too much with it and the end result is a mixed bag. Sometimes it's trying to be a character movie with Tony Stark suffering anxiety attacks in the wake of his harrowing experience in the Avengers movie. Then they have some very dark scenes with the movies main villain, the Mandarin, played by a creepy and ruthless Ben Kingsley. Then it alternates between being a buddy comedy, with Tony and Rhodes (Don Cheadle was badass!), a buddy comedy with Tony and some little kid (which was funny). It's also a Bond movie, a slapstick comedy and of course a super hero movie. <br />
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All the little parts work really well on their own, the movie's funny, the action is great, somehow I just felt when it all came together it seemed like too much. Robert Downey Jr. is Robert Downey Jr and therefore fun to
watch. His scenes with Don Cheadle are lots of fun but far too few.
Ben Kingsley was excellent as the Mandarin and almost all of his scenes
were really strong. Guy Pearce was fairly interesting villain. Sadly though, the weakest part of the movie for me ends up being the 'super-hero' part. Stark spends a good part of the movie out of armour, having anxiety attacks, bickering with Gwyneth Paltrow and doing other things I could have done without. Worse stilll, when he is in armour, you don't really care. Probably because there is so much over the top, almost cartoonish action taking place that the movie loses a lot of tension. And by the time the movie gets to the scene with dozens of Iron Mans flying around, the thrill of seeing Iron Man is completely gone and the grandiose super hero is somewhat diminished. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I like Iron Man. I like bacon. Would I eat 20 packs of bacon? Maybe. But this is too many Iron Mans.</td></tr>
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The movie is really funny, but this eventually becomes a problem for me. On the one hand they seem to want this to be a darker Iron Man. On the other hand any time things are about to get serious and you get any sense of menace, they undo it with some comedy. Something horrible happens, then there's a cheesy one liner or comedic slapstick. So tonally it sometimes comes off as sloppy to me. Add to that, all the characters are too quick to deliver one liners. So not only are there dozens of Iron Man suits, there's also dozens of Robert Downeys. Didn't bother me too much, but you notice it.<br />
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Then, there is the twist! The plot twist in Iron Man 3 has been very polarizing and I can't say too much about it without spoiling the movie. But I will say that when I first saw it I felt let down. No, that's not strong enough. I was incensed! As a comic book fan, what they did was nothing short of heresy. However, as the movie progressed I grew to appreciate it and now I even think it's pretty clever. I guess the director was making a satirical statement about the face of terrorism by the end. I can appreciate what the movie was trying to say, but then they play even that for laughs and we're back to status quo comedy and frenetic action.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="213" id="irc_mi" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQo2sXcszHOhQC2VuY25WIEUrFbNkAtSfgJffDVULpRzFHSq18AHA" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Ben Kingsley as Osama Bin Ladden as the Mandarin. Not the villain we deserve, but the villain we need?</td></tr>
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Iron Man 3 is hit and miss for me. Maybe it sounds like I didn't enjoy it, but I really did. Good laughs, good action... It's just that as a follow up to the Avengers it's bound to disappoint some and the geek in me really wanted more. The painful reality is that no super hero movie this year is going to be as completely satisfying as the Avengers. I'm almost dreading Captain America, Wolverine and Thor and I fear the Marvel vehicle may run out of steam before the year is up. The consequence of the Avengers movie is, the Marvel movies up until that point were all building up to this big amazing thing. We were paying our dues because the promise was a big payoff! We've seen the Avengers and it was everything fans wanted. Now we have to go back to the milquetoast adventures of the individual characters again : Hero X has girlfriend Y and fights villain Z.<br />
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Not that the movies will necessarily be bad, I'll probably even enjoy them, but they certainly won't be amazing. Also, Iron Man is the strongest of those characters, so as far as Marvel Movies this year, we've already peaked. In short, the only Marvel movie I'm really anticipating at this point, is Avengers 2. I'm hopeful that with Man of Steel on the horizon and the Dark Knight trilogy still a fan favourite, it may be DC's chance to take back its throne at the box office becoming the paragon of super hero movies once again. Here is what nerds like me are hoping for. 1) Man of Steel is amazing. 2) Chris Nolan gets involved with making a Justice League movie (or at very least a World's Finest movie) and 3) we get to see a few new DC superheroes get their own movies in the next year or so (and those movies won't suck).<br />
<br />
Quite frankly, if Man of Steel doesn't deliver in a big way, I ... I just don't know.<br />
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3.5 exploding bad guys out of 5Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-48079681365646103422013-05-19T05:31:00.000-07:002013-05-19T05:31:19.302-07:00Star Trek Into Darkness review and a list of my favourite Star Trek movies<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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I am a hardcore Trekkie. Star Trek is a rare example of optimistic sci-fi, one that paints a future where diverse cultures get together to make the universe a better place. Over the years that theme has taken a back seat to things with wider appeal and cheaper thrills : special effects, action, sex, youth... Consequently, although I enjoyed the rebooted Star Trek of 2009, I wasn't thrilled by it. It was just a fun sci-fi action movie with characters I used to know and love inserted into a paper thin plot. There was a generic villain who wanted to destroy the universe (why?) and a handful of heroes dressed up as Kirk, Spock and Uhura to take him down. Fun movie, but was it a <i>Star Trek</i> movie? <br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img class="rg_i" data-sz="f" name="7njQc4tu5gpSbM:" 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" style="height: 165px; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; margin-top: 0px; width: 305px;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I saw this movie a few hours ago and can't remember why this woman is in her underwear.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
That said, the latest entry into this franchise, Star Trek Into Darkness came as a very unexpected surprise for me. First off I would like to thank the director JJ Abrams for keeping most of the details of the movie under lock and key. It's one of the rare movies that I went in without knowing anything about the premise, aside from a few rumours here and there. <br />
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So, I won't do you the disservice of ruining the movie for you. I'll just say I really enjoyed the story. I thought it brought back the 'Star Trek' element to the universe and we get to consider, briefly, the Federation's mission to be at peace with scary alien cultures all the while trying not to interfere with their evolution in the galaxy. It was there just enough to feel like you were watching a Star Trek movie, but subtle enough that it wasn't a preachy movie about 'the Prime Directive' and peace among races. When they did deal with the themes of the movie, there was always a powerful human motive driving the story forward. <br />
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<a href="http://cdn.theatlantic.com/static/mt/assets/culture_test/star%20trek%20into%20darkness%20650%20paramount.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="232" id="irc_mi" src="http://cdn.theatlantic.com/static/mt/assets/culture_test/star%20trek%20into%20darkness%20650%20paramount.jpg" style="margin-top: 0px;" width="320" /></a>Chris Pine and Zachary Quinto as Kirk and Spock are phenomenal. I must say, there were some emotional moments for me in this movie with both actors really pulling at your heartstrings at some moments. Those moments could have come off as schlocky to some, but they resonated with me for some reason. Kirk and Spock are vulnerable heroes facing some interesting dilemmas which to me has always been the heart of Star Trek. Benedict Cumberbatch is an intense, brooding villain stealing scenes from beginning to end. Bruce Greenwood and Robocop (Peter Sellers) were really engaging in their supporting roles. The movie does a masterful job of handling its different elements. Action, sentimentality and humour come together without clashing. I mention this because I recently saw Iron Man 3, which is a hilarious movie, but when the jokes come in Iron Man 3, they sometimes suck the life out of everything else that's going on and ultimately diffuse the tension of a scene.<br />
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There isn't much in this movie that didn't work for me. One minor complaint : it's difficult to watch a movie where they need to give characters something to do. Zoe Saldana is given her Uhura moments, which are fun and well done. We get an extra helping of Simon Pegg as Scotty which fans will appreciate. The rest of the crew is dutifully given a nod here and there. The biggest disappointment for me was that I found Karl Urban's Dr. McCoy to be underused. I like the actor and I like the character but in this Star Trek franchise he is not the presence that he was in earlier movies when played by the late Deforest Kelley. Dr. McCoy, once a main character, is now there for gags. There is also a ham-fisted cameo by a Star Trek alumni which is pointless to the plot but I thought served to add some gravitas to a scene.<br />
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Some people may find the movie too frenetic. I would go as far as to compare this to Michael Bay levels of flashy colors and explosions, all being shot by a camera man who is shooting the movie while on a truck, driving over speedbumbs while he is being electrocuted. But, there is actually a story to justify the action so the intensity and spectacle are justified and even welcome. <br />
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I love seeing new movies, and get excited after watching them if they're this good. As such, I would need to see the movie again to really finalize the opinion I'm about to give you, but this Star Trek has at very least made it into my top 3 Star Trek movies of all time, battling it out with Star Trek 2 and 6 for top spot. It easily out-classes any of the other movies. I think it has wide appeal, the fan service is there and it actually has a great story IMO. <br />
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<i>rating : 5 dying tribbles out of 5 </i><br />
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Oh, you're still here? Let's rate the Trek movies in order of preference, shall we? Which one is your favourite?<br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxulWaAMHAfNPqyIVFldDcAhVZ9xb_o89rMNhng7CdVqzLbH5XzXfFy0ChT4Q_2YT11JZULeucipuIM84b1DdooQjPu4xod8cvCCnlI6P4X7KYgzKfL4fxyMyL_W0oNhWQSmohww/s1600/star-trek-VI-the-undiscovered-Country-19-4-500x319.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="204" id="irc_mi" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgxulWaAMHAfNPqyIVFldDcAhVZ9xb_o89rMNhng7CdVqzLbH5XzXfFy0ChT4Q_2YT11JZULeucipuIM84b1DdooQjPu4xod8cvCCnlI6P4X7KYgzKfL4fxyMyL_W0oNhWQSmohww/s320/star-trek-VI-the-undiscovered-Country-19-4-500x319.jpg" style="margin-top: 37px;" width="320" /></a></div>
<b>Star Trek 6: The Undiscovered Country</b> : Star Trek at its finest. Kirk, Spock and Bones endeavor to make peace with their long time enemies, the Klingons. This movie has great action, the Star Trek brand is being used to talk about real issues like racism, international conflict and we get to see our characters dealing with personal issues like friendship and old age (a common theme in a franchise starring actors that were past their prime decades before this movie was released). It marks the return of Nicholas Meyer, the man who many believe saved Star Trek by directing the Wrath of Khan. I love this movie. <b><i>5 eye patches bolted to your face out of 5</i></b><br />
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<b>Star Trek 2: The Wrath of Khan</b> : Speaking of Nicholas Meyer, Wrath of Khan is a a fan favourite and as I said, the movie that saved Star Trek. Kirk fights his nemesis, the super genius Khan. A good balance of quiet character moments and tense action, Wrath of Khan is something of a space thriller with a classic, unforgettable ending. <i><b>5 brain controlling ear parasites out of 5</b></i><br />
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<b>Star Trek 3: The Search for Spock :</b> I liked the science fictiony ideas they had in this Star Trek movie. Search for Spock has the feeling of a fantasy adventure and again, the friendship between our main characters comes out a lot in this movie. <i><b>4 space coffins out of 5.</b></i><br />
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<b>Star Trek 8: First Contact </b>: Possibly the only good Next Generation movie. This was pretty much a sci-fi action movie, but they shoe horn in the 'peace with other cultures' theme fairly appropriately. Definitely a fun watch and our only opportunity to see the Next Generation crew shine in a motion picture. It keeps a brisk pace that usually manages to outrun the many plot holes. <i><b>4 borg queens out of 5.</b></i><br />
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<b>Star Trek (2009 with Chris Pine and Co.)</b>: A competent reboot of the franchise, featuring a swaggering, convincing Chris Pine as Captain Kirk. An undeniably fun action movie with the 'Star Trek' themes mostly lacking. Like First Contact, the fun and the action allow you to overlook the elements that don't work. <b><i>4 cases of pandering to the audience out of 5.</i></b><br />
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<b>Star Trek 4: The Voyage Home</b> : A Star Trek comedy? I can never decide how much I liked this movie about time travel with a heavy handed message about the environment and biodiversity. It's fun, and basically it's part of 1 big story (with Star Trek 2 and 3 being the first parts of that story). It's impossible to hate, and in many ways I believe will be the only Star Trek movie of its kind. <i><b>4 aliens who befriend humpback whales out of 5.</b></i><br />
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<b>Star Trek 5: The Final Frontier :</b> A lot of people hate this one, but I had fun with the somewhat underwritten adventures of Kirk, Spock and McCoy on their quest to find God at the behest of a charismatic Vulcan cult leader. <i><b>3 fake deities out of 5.</b></i><br />
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<b>Star Trek 10: Nemesis :</b> A disappointing swan song for the TNG cast. A plot full of holes, desperate attempts at fan service while using the aging next generation cast to fight a villain who, of course, wants to destroy Earth. But why? <i><b> 2.5 years past its expiry date. Umm... out of 5</b></i>.<br />
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<b>Star Trek 9: Insurrection :</b> A mediocre episode of the Next Generation TV show, barely dressed up for the box office. A planet with a cure for something is attacked by guys... Then picard shoots stuff and kisses a lady. <i><b>2 purple bazookas out of 5</b></i>.<br />
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<b>Star Trek the Motion Picture</b> (which I have yet to watch without falling asleep). Dated, slow and boring, I can't believe that this movie was the beginning of a series of what is now 12 movies spanning over more than 3 decades. I'm told the story is pretty good, but I wouldn't be able to say. <i><b>2 mid movie naps out of 5</b></i>.<br />
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<a href="http://media.avclub.com/images/368/368365/16x9/627.jpg?5210" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="112" id="irc_mi" src="http://media.avclub.com/images/368/368365/16x9/627.jpg?5210" style="margin-top: 21px;" width="200" /></a><b>Star Trek: Generations :</b><i><b> </b></i>An incoherent mess with Next Generation crew and Original series crew thrown together using silly plot devices. Humourless, tasteless and senseless, it fails as Star Trek, it fails as sci-fi and it fails as a movie. Eff this Ess!!! <i><b>1 lame flying pink plot macguffin out of 5</b></i> <br />
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It is very difficult to place the rebooted movies on this list as they seem to be in a class of their own. But in terms of pure enjoyment, as I said in my review, Into Darkness is really fighting hard for top spot.<br />
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<br />Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-84117173214792439372013-05-05T09:14:00.003-07:002013-05-05T11:49:12.764-07:00Gun control worksKind of depressing for a blog post, but I read a story that really bothered me. Consider this tragic and infuriating story of a 2 year old who is accidentally shot and killed by her 5 year old brother.<br />
<a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1065904949"><br /></a>
<a href="http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/01/us/kentucky-accidential-shooting/index.html">http://www.cnn.com/2013/05/01/us/kentucky-accidential-shooting/index.html</a><br />
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Perhaps the story stuck with me a little more because I know this weekend in Houston, the NRA is having a conference, which has been described as something of a victory rally for the gun laws that they shot down recently in the US. Celebrating the very same love for guns that have killed so many children in homes and schools in the past year alone.<br />
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<a href="http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-22390912" target="_blank"> http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-22390912</a> <br />
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I can't decide what is more depressing, the actual story, or the family's reaction. Uncle Mann says, "It's something you can't prepare for." Except you can... By not buying guns for 5 year old children.<br />
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Grandmother Linda Riddle says of her grandaughter's death, "It was God's will. It was time to let her go." I guess it's easier to hide behind pseudo-pious garbage like that than to take responsibility for killing a two year old with a gun. Don't get me wrong, I can't imagine how devastating it would be if someone in my family died because of my negligence and I don't know how I would handle it. And tragedy can happen to anyone. My heart goes out to this family and their loss. BUT....Can we maybe get a revelation beyond the moronic, "It was God's will"? Is it possible that God doesn't want children to kill other children?<br />
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I guess I'm talking about two different things. Gun control and gun safety are two different things. But the story of this poor family seems to reflect the general attitude of a culture in love with guns. "Children are dying, but what are you going to do? God MUST want a society like this!"<br />
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Again, kind of depressing. But here's John Oliver to lighten things up a bit and give us an enlightening piece about the positive effect strict gun control has had in Australia for over 2 decades. Of course gun control works, here's the proof. It's a hilarious three parter worth watching. It is also really inspiring to see politicians standing up for what is
right, at great personal cost to their careers. I have so much loathing for the politicians running my little province of Quebec, I was encouraged to see that it is possible for politicians to do something besides parasitize millions of people. Politicians who care
about making the world a better place more than they care about money and their careers? Revolutionary!<br />
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<br />Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-86449237008556765852013-04-14T15:39:00.001-07:002013-04-14T15:39:53.824-07:00My top 10 Action Cartoons from the 80's.You know what's better than doing work? Thinking about the awesome cartoons I used to watch in the 80s. What made 80's cartoons so great? Well, for starters, most of them were just extended commercials to sell toys. Well, I guess that's not such a great thing, but many cartoons in the 80s were high-concept off the wall premises with lots of action. Recently, Hollywood has taken to raiding my precious 80s cartoons for movie ideas and the result is often disastrous. So, to soothe myself, I made a list of some of my favourite 80s cartoons. <br />
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*disclaimer* This list only contains action cartoons. Does Ducktales have action? I guess, but I guess Ducktales will have to be addressed in another list some other day.<br />
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10) <u><b>He-man and the Masters of the Universe</b></u> <br />
A sci-fi/fantasy cartoon that is ahead of its time for featuring the first openly gay main character in an action cartoon series. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7yeA7a0uS3A" target="_blank">Alternating between a flashy pink blazer and a baffling S&M battle outfit</a>, it donned on me when I was a little older that Adam may have preferred the company of Man at Arms to that of... whatever that girl's name was in the show. The director of the last GI Joe movie, Kenny Chu, is rumored to be involved in making a new He-man movie (the first one being the 80s movie starring Dolph Lundgren). Anyone else think that Shee-ra, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wR65P73X5GI" target="_blank">the cartoon about He-man's sister</a>, was the better cartoon?<br />
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9) <u><b>Dinoriders</b></u><br />
Dinosaurs were all the rage in the 80s. And so was violence. Putting lasers and rocket launchers on Dinosaurs seems like such an obviously good idea to me I am surprised that there aren't a team of scientists working on making such an army <a href="http://www.livescience.com/17642-chickenosaurus-jack-horner-create-dinosaur.html" target="_blank">a reality right now</a>. The main character's name is Questar and the main villains name is Cruelos leader of the Rulons. Now that's just lazy writing. But who cares I guess? As long as it has frickin' dinosaurs with frickin' lasers attached to their head! Never had any <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=flXE1ZbEwLc" target="_blank">Dinorider toys</a>, but they look pretty sweet.<br />
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8) <u><b>Robocop</b></u> <br />
Robocop <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=aWhUXdR6oX0" target="_blank">was so freaking cool.</a> To this day the first Robocop movie remains the most terrifying thing I have ever seen. It still makes me tense to remember the over the top gore, cruelty and violence that children nowadays cannot even fathom. Surprisingly, back in the 80s they made a cartoon based on the horrific movie and that cartoon was pretty dark and violent itself, at least by cartoon standards. They're remaking Robocop and I can guarantee that this new movie will be one of the biggest disappointments of my life. Paul Veerhoven is already rolling around in his grave. And the movie isn't even out yet! And Paul Veerhoven isn't dead! The movie will be so bad, Paul Veerhoven preemptively bought himself a burial plot so he can roll around in it, moaning in despair over what's been done to our beloved Robocop.<br />
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Check out the opening scene to this children show which shows the main character getting gundowned by a cartoon of Eric Foreman's dad.<br />
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7) <u><b>Thundercats</b></u><br />
I never had any thundercats toys. I think it was one of those shows I usually missed on Sunday mornings because of church. You may ask yourself, what kind of God would allow me to miss a mediocre cartoon to worship him every week? I asked myself the same question on Sunday mornings. But what I do remember about the cartoon was pretty cool. The guy's were cats with swords. And they fought a mummy for some reason. Mummies and cats have been mortal enemies since the days of ancient Egypt. They remade that cartoon recently and it was pretty good.<br />
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6)<u><b> Mask</b></u><br />
Cool toys about some guys who fight other guys. The hook? Their cars and airplanes transform into cars and airplanes with guns. And for some reason the guys in the cars wear masks. I remember loving this cartoon and having a few of the toys. That being said, I don't remember too much about the actual plot of the show.<br />
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5) <u><b>Silverhawks</b></u><br />
Best. Toys. Ever. Just incredible. These guys were some kind of space... guys. They were fired out of this amazing spaceship (for which I had the toy) and then their silvery armour deployed wings so they could fly around in space and fight a red guy who flew around on a giant squid.<br />
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4) <u><b>C.O.P.S. </b></u><br />
Best. Toys. Ever. I know I said it about Silverhawks but these are the REAL best toys ever. COPS was this odd, cyberpunkish cartoon about police officers fighting a mob lead by the Big Boss. The characters were memorable, the action was intense. I may have been only 8 years old at the time, but is it possible that the characters in this show were written a little better than in other cartoons? Maybe it's just my imagination. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yfksUyKvc2E" target="_blank">The action figures for these toys were pretty big</a> had more points of articulation than any toy I can remember and each one came with a cap gun. There were also tons of vehicles to go with these toys. Too bad the show didn't run longer than it did. <a href="http://cops.wikia.com/wiki/Bulletproof" target="_blank">Bulletproof FTW!</a><br />
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3) <u><b>Transformers</b></u> <br />
Obviously this one was going to be near the top, though the show didn't age well. Add to that the fact that the franchise has been forever defiled by the unscrupulous and evil, Michael Bay. Aside from the completely incoherent plot of the movies especially the second and third one, they have ruined a childhood icon, Optimus Prime. Optimus Prime, voiced by Peter Cullen since 1984, was a character who was honorable and merciful almost to a fault. Anyone my age will remember the day that Optimus Prime died. Why? <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_detailpage&v=P7GeisRaias#t=127s" target="_blank">Because he hesitated to blow Megatron's head off</a>. In the new live action movies, Optimus Prime blasts Leonard Nimoy's face off, then rips Megatron's head off with an axe AFTER Megatron just saved his life. We won't even get into how every single Transformer character was ruined in these movies. Transformers will forever be the best example of Hollywood ruining my childhood.<br />
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2) <u><b>GI Joe</b></u> <br />
My mom wouldn't let me own GI Joe's because she thought it promoted war and violence and she was totally right. And it seems that GI Joe used to run at the same time as <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LWkPh44I-EQ" target="_blank">Jem, about a rockstar/superhero</a>, so my sister and I would have to compete for TV time to watch our favourite cartoons. But the apocryphal story of why I went into the field of Biology is that when I was young I saw the episode of GI Joe where Dr. Mindbender genetically engineered an evil dictator named Serpentor by splicing together the DNA of Ghengis Khan, Dracula, Sergeant Slaughter, Julius Ceasar, Sun Tsu... and more!!! What a cool idea. When I learned this DNA stuff was real, well, I was hooked on science. Thanks GI Joe. Thanks to you I spent way more time in University than any sane person should. I hated the first GI Joe live action movie, but the second one was tons of fun. Of course, the REAL GI Joe movie will always be this...<br />
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1) <u><b>Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles </b></u><br />
I don't' know if Ninja Turtles belongs at the top of the list. But I find this show had it all. It was funny, great action, great characters, amazing toys. (I had tons of these and the awesome <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5myZofX55q8" target="_blank">party wagon</a>). What sense of humour I have, I owe in large part to the hilarious Ninja Turtles cartoon. Ninja Turtles started a trend of cartoon animals fighting bad guys. I haven't seen any of the recent remakes of the cartoon but I doubt they captured the often corny humour of the original cartoon. What was so funny about Ninja Turtles? The main villains, Shredder and Krang, a ninja and a talking brain, who basically acted like an old married couple. Who came up with that?<br />
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Looking back on my list I've forgotten 2 very important and possibly lesser known cartoons. Visionaries, which was one of the best things ever, featuring toys with holograms on their chest. It was kind of a medieval fantasy with knights and wizards. Inhumanoids was a pretty scary cartoon where the main characters turned into monsters. Okay, okay, I'm done. Next week, 90s cartoons?<br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="360" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/FsFKp10bOME?feature=player_detailpage" width="640"></iframe>Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-38961751859265217002013-01-14T21:25:00.003-08:002013-01-14T21:30:59.795-08:00Django: Unchained<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pure Badass</td></tr>
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Django: Unchained is easily one of my favourite movies of
the year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anyone who has been following
the buzz surrounding this movie is well aware of how amazing Leonardo DiCaprio
and Christoph Waltz are in this movie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Quentin Tarantino’s trademark meticulous dialogue has already gotten a
Golden Globe for the movie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Jamie Foxx, who
plays the main character of Django, has not gotten as much attention for his
performance, but I enjoyed it a lot.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His
performance bubbles beneath an intensely silent exterior.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>He starts off broken and hopeless but grows
into an action hero/super hero/Blaxploitation anti-hero, wearing each of those
hats convincingly throughout the film. It’s exactly what he needed to be for
this movie and I thought he did it perfectly. Samuel L. Jackson is always
awesome, but maybe just a little bit more awesome than usual in this.</div>
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The movie opens when Dr. Shultz, played by Christoph Waltz,
frees Django so that he can help him find 3 criminals and collect the bounty on
them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In return, Dr. Shultz will help
Django find his wife, Broomhilda Von Shaft, played by Kerry Washington (an
obvious nod to Blaxploitation films).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Funny,
well-written and action packed, the movie is as enjoyable in its cathartic
violent moments as it is heart-wrenching in some of its more depressing
scenes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It goes from being a fun action/adventure
to a period piece about slavery to a fairy tale and like it's main character plays its many roles convincingly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Django is on its way to becoming Tarantino’s highest grossing
movie in no small part because of the controversy surrounding it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>People were afraid that it might take the horrors
of slavery too lightly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Other people were
uncomfortable with the frequent use of the word ‘nigger’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don’t know how that is possible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does anyone listen to rap music?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have these people ever read Huckleberry
Finn?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, then you certainly shouldn’t
be bothered with this movie that uses the word in its historical context,
generally to characterize the villains in the movie.</div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Have you ever seen my movies? Frozone is the only character I have played who doesn't say the 'n-word'.</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Why you no like it when I wear a dress, Spike?</td></tr>
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And when will people like Spike Lee learn that there is no
such thing as bad publicity?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before the
movie’s release, <a href="http://www.avclub.com/articles/spike-lee-has-a-problem-with-django-unchained-obvi,90336/" target="_blank">Spike Lee announced that he would not go to see the movie because</a>, “Slavery was not a spaghetti western.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was a holocaust.” Very true, but I’m always amazed by Spike Lee, a
vocal critic of not only Tarantino but even <a href="http://www.beyondblackwhite.com/spike-lee-tyler-perry-quentin-tarantino-white-guys-django/" target="_blank">Tyler Perry</a>.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’m tired of having Spike Lee’s recipe for Black
empowerment shoved down my throat anytime anyone deals with issues of race.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span>Don’t get me wrong, I love Spike Lee’s
movies, and I think he has done a lot for the movie industry, but I could do without Spike Lee rants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Especially
since his cantankerous sounding off probably has exactly the opposite effect
that he would like it to have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not all
movies need to be, or can be ‘Malcolm X’. Some movies are ‘Madea’s Big Top Adventure’ or 'Madea Saves Christmas' or 'Madea goes to..." whatever, you get the point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If Black people survived slavery they’ll
survive Madea, it’s okay, Spike.</div>
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Still, I was certainly worried that with Django, I would be
seeing a movie that dealt with slavery in a flippant manner.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The only thing I would have hated more is the
feeling of watching a movie where the main white character suddenly realizes, “Well,
Golly!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Black people are very much like
human beings! Let’s free all the slaves!” In this movie the main white hero,
Dr. Shultz, starts at the same point as the audience (most of us):<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that slavery was a barbaric and cruel
affliction on human beings with black skin.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It avoids the condescending preachiness of some movies that endeavor to
tackle a big issue.</div>
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Where the movie really turns into something unique is when
we see the role reversal that takes place between Django and Dr. Shultz.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Django starts off as an uneducated man,
broken by the cruelty he has endured throughout his life and the loss of his
wife. Dr. Shultz trains him to be a bounty hunter, teaching him how to read,
negotiate and generally how to be an awesome badass.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a super hero origin story with an almost
wizard like mentor, teaching the main character how to become a hero.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But once the two characters are immersed into
the ugly, cruel world of slavery in Mississippi, it is Dr. Shultz who becomes
the neophyte, completely baffled by the horrors around him. We then see Django
growing into his role as a hero, ‘getting dirty’, in ways that make even Dr.
Shultz, an otherwise remorseless killer, shudder. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">I thought the actors did a great job of bringing out the subtleties in their characters and showing their growth and change throughout the movie.</span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span></div>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Feel the Force, Django."</td></tr>
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With all that being said, ultimately, the movie is a simple
revenge flic, Tarantino’s speciality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Does it need to be anything more than that?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Do we really want to charge Hollywood with
the task of teaching us history or morality?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t think anyone is rushing to give Tarantino a Nobel Peace Prize
for this action movie but as a movie that seeks to be escapist entertainment I
think it succeeds.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Anything else it
might do with regards to ‘opening a dialogue about slavery’ is debatable but it
certainly doesn’t hurt.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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Tarantino walks a fine line in making an entertaining movie
without making a farce of slavery itself. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of course it goes without saying that Django:
Unchained is not a history lesson, with many fantasies invented or borrowed for
the narrative of the film.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most
upsetting is the idea of slaves fighting to the death for the amusement of
their capricious masters.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Here’s an
article that discusses some of the more contentious claims being made in the movie.
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<a href="http://www.blogger.com/goog_1017813043"><br /></a></div>
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<a href="http://www.theroot.com/views/did-dogs-really-eat-slaves-django?page=0,0">http://www.theroot.com/views/did-dogs-really-eat-slaves-django?page=0,0</a></div>
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I myself am not what you would call a fanboy of Quentin
Tarantino, though I do enjoy some of his movies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I would highly recommend this particular
movie, unless of course you are not in the mood for over the top violence and
some truly upsetting scenes of cruelty and brutality.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
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5 bullets to the junk out of 5.</div>
Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-15617692566155761892012-12-16T22:27:00.002-08:002012-12-16T22:36:17.407-08:00The Hobbit : An Unexpected Journey<br />
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The
Hobbit is basically mandatory viewing for any fans of Lord of the Rings and
probably any fan of fantasy.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So far, the
reviews for the Hobbit are not the overwhelmingly positive reviews that the
Lord of the Rings trilogy enjoyed, with some people criticizing its pacing and
the strange effect that is created by filming the movie in 48 frames per
second. I suspect that this movie suffers most from not being Lord of the Rings
and if it had come out before the Lord of the Rings movies it would have been
better received. As it stands, the Hobbit : An Unexpected Journey,as good
as it may be, will be perceived by most as just an inferior sequel.<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’ll
start off by saying, I was probably seeing the entire thing through rose
coloured lenses. I'm too much
of a geek to not be in love with this movie. And I can't really see this movie
as 'inferior', but rather just different. It's not trying to be a dark,
intense apocalyptic tale. It's just a fun adventure. That being
said, I think I understand the criticisms about the length and pacing of the
movie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Think about it, this was supposed
to be one movie originally.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one complained.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Except studio executives I guess, who saw
dollar signs and decided to turn the Hobbit, based on one book, into two
movies. Alright, alright, it’s a business they want to double dip.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can’t fault them for that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then a month later they decided to go for
broke and turn the Hobbit, one children’s book, into an astounding 3 movies
which will probably be about 3 hours each.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoUHf4dSL7J_MT0-BhthpPav5nV0CNuWk1BrIHNBkbUigz6btj5u4FPxyH9FWH9BTGXO3qHmwBhzkGN9gjENnv-Z33kTMd_0eHyqp9ZSRRr6FSMQhPWO1aZoQ06sXTj2h1JyIv/s1600/bilbo+reading+contract.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="213" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhoUHf4dSL7J_MT0-BhthpPav5nV0CNuWk1BrIHNBkbUigz6btj5u4FPxyH9FWH9BTGXO3qHmwBhzkGN9gjENnv-Z33kTMd_0eHyqp9ZSRRr6FSMQhPWO1aZoQ06sXTj2h1JyIv/s320/bilbo+reading+contract.jpg" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I have to be in how many of these movies? The first one is almost 3 hours long!?"</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div align="center">
</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
That
my friends is gratuitous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The episodic
nature of the books translates to a movie where you almost feel like, they
could have ended it anywhere after the two-hour mark and had the same effect as
it did after 3.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>After our heroes leave
the Shire they go on one adventure after another until the movie seems to
arbitrarily stop with them looking at their ultimate destination, the Lonely
Mountain.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also got the feeling that
the movie had a lot of trouble getting off the ground.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It starts off way slow with old Bilbo, played
by Ian Holm narrating his life story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
if that's not enough,Elijah Wood as Frodo shows up to add some more padding to
the movie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Knowing that you have almost
3 hours ahead of you you find yourself asking, "Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why Elijah Wood?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why a flashback scene?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can we just get to the point? Or do we
need to make sure there is enough material for 3 movies?"<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
The
slow narration brings us to Martin Freeman, a younger Bilbo Baggins, languidly
smoking a pipe when Ian McKellen shows up as Gandalf. What follows is a long
but rather long but enjoyable introduction of the 13 dwarves, who recruit Bilbo
on their quest to recover their gold from the dragon Smaug. Now here is where I
prefer the Hobbit over the Lord of the Rings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Despite having so many characters introduced all at once in one scene, I
find most of them to be far more interesting than the characters in Lord of the
Rings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Most of the characters in Lord of
the Rings are these weird, other-worldy, sometimes alienating archetypes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The dwarves who are central to this story
have had their home taken from them by the evil dragon Smaug.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To fit into the world we’re told they have
been forced to take jobs as craftsmen and merchants.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Something about their lost home really
resonated with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Still, despite their
tragic history, they can still turn around and party, without seeming impish
and bizarre like the Hobbits in Lord of the Rings. In short, I love the
dwarves.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
I
find Martin Freeman's Bilbo to be a more compelling protagonist than
Frodo. He just seems like he's a more decisive character, making choices
based on compassion and a desire for adventure. Frodo seemed to have been
forced on his journey and is constantly overwhelmed, tormented and
broken. That's no fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved the
grim and almost bitter character of Thorin Oakenshield played by Richard
Armitage.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And even though the dwarves
are mostly site gags, the scene where they intrude on Bilbo's home manages to
hit a wide range of emotions from the dwarves.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For those who know the story of the Hobbit, it starts off when a company
of dwarves crash Bilbo’s house and start partying, tracking mud all over his
house and eating all of his food.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They’re singing and partying but when their leader Thorin finally shows
up, the scene immediately becomes heavy and reverent. I was enthralled by the
dwarves singing Over the Misty Mountains Cold, a lament over their lost
home. It was kind of touching.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
After
that you feel like there are a few slow unnecessary scenes.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Where the Hobbit novel is a brisk tale about
Bilbo Baggins, the Hobbit movie is a meandering epic about the Hobbit, a bunch
of dwarves, surprise cameos from the other movies and some pot smoking, hippy
wizard named Radagast who rides a sleigh pulled by rabbits (the rabbits must be jacked up on steroids or something). It's not as focused and I think the movie would have had more of a
punch if it was centered on Bilbo rather than 3-4 characters at once. Of
course, if you know who Radagast is (and have his Middle Earth customizable
card game card…which I do), then you may not mind the added detail. <o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div align="center">
<table border="0" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="MsoNormalTable" style="mso-cellspacing: 0cm; mso-padding-alt: 0cm 0cm 0cm 0cm; mso-yfti-tbllook: 1184;">
<tbody>
<tr style="mso-yfti-firstrow: yes; mso-yfti-irow: 0;">
<td style="background-color: transparent; border: rgb(0, 0, 0); padding: 0cm;"><table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilclKEb6VbUwgj4h1S0Jz0qj7pFLFm0PNcVBDV9VuXrl-aKAjPLU9meMUhE7hS20nKIWhVg1uPSdfPEBKizfB47tuK9XQIxMKoOcIAWlxeFrLKzbuJ5cJUZSU7FZnn__QlbXH6/s1600/radagast+card.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEilclKEb6VbUwgj4h1S0Jz0qj7pFLFm0PNcVBDV9VuXrl-aKAjPLU9meMUhE7hS20nKIWhVg1uPSdfPEBKizfB47tuK9XQIxMKoOcIAWlxeFrLKzbuJ5cJUZSU7FZnn__QlbXH6/s320/radagast+card.png" width="220" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Look! It's everyone's favourite character, Radagast! I have his trading card! Seriously!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</td>
</tr>
<tr style="mso-yfti-irow: 1; mso-yfti-lastrow: yes;">
<td style="background-color: transparent; border: rgb(0, 0, 0); padding: 0cm;"></td>
</tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
The
story does finally take off and when it does, it's a lot of fun.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I wondered if the over the top cartoonish
action scenes would be off-putting to some.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I liked them.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To compare this to
Lord of the Rings, I would say that although the Hobbit can hit a few dark
notes from time to time, overall it’s a funner, lighter adventure than the
often morose Lord of the Rings.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I can’t
write this review without mentioning the fantastic job they did with the
Riddles in the Dark chapter from the book which is of course where Bilbo meets
Gollum.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Again, Andy Serkis is just
brilliant as Gollum in a scene that’s funny, scary and sometimes sad.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That scene had everything I love most about
this movie, namely its ability to hit all those emotional notes without
betraying the tone of the story which never strays too far from being a
light-hearted adventure.<o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
Concerning
the 48 fps.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, have you ever been
watching a blu ray, or a movie in the theater and thought to yourself, “Man, I
wish the frame rate was faster!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Of
course not, but clearly the same people who would try and make 3 movies out of
1 book, would also be very interested in introducing a new gimmick to sell
their movies.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This is that gimmick that
no one asked for, 48fps!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found the
faster frame rate little strange.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It
makes the movie look like it’s being sped up. You would have to see it to get
the full impression, but it is noticeable.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Allegedly, this faster frame rate is supposed to make the 3D effects
easier to swallow. Now I am a person who likes 3D movies when done
properly.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>This year I saw Men in Black 3
and Prometheus in 3D and thought those movies looked amazing.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The main reason is, 3D glasses normally make
a movie look dark, so the movie itself has to be projected brighter than a
normal movie would.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For the movies I
just mentioned everything seemed bright enough that you can enjoy the 3D
effects without losing the colour and detail of the picture.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also saw the Amazing Spiderman in 3D and
didn’t think it looked so good at all. Everything was too dark and the
movie ended up looking like crap.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5utJrs__sc4AhYag-jfFDFrECRzew9zQPv3Xt2GBi8R3PgQ7n689kLWE9SqXFgdHuBU3WwWGgj8OLeMpvQST217obpj4A02u1rg7pfdvVUv1_klnn7CxP1euhth1ZUu5cjS_4/s1600/awesome+in+3d.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="165" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi5utJrs__sc4AhYag-jfFDFrECRzew9zQPv3Xt2GBi8R3PgQ7n689kLWE9SqXFgdHuBU3WwWGgj8OLeMpvQST217obpj4A02u1rg7pfdvVUv1_klnn7CxP1euhth1ZUu5cjS_4/s400/awesome+in+3d.jpg" width="400" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This looked awesome in 3D.</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div align="center">
</div>
Now, we all know
that Peter Jackson is in love with New Zealand and though some people might
find the grandiose shots of the mountains in Middle Earth to be unnecessary and
self-indulgent, I was totally into it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
think the 3D effects added to the feeling of being on a cliff or looking out
over a vast landscape, or falling into the cavernous pits of the Goblin layer.
I would go as far as saying this is among the best uses of 3D in a movie I have
seen yet.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If you like 3D movies, I would
say you're in for a treat.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don't
understand people who say that 3D movies give them a headache, or say that it's
distracting or insist that it is a trend that won't last. But if you're
one of those people, you know what to do!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I’m still undecided on whether or not the increased frame rate is
necessary, but it didn’t bother me too much at all.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
Whatever
the format, if you’re a fan of fantasy, you’re going to see this movie at some
point.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You might need a little bit of
caffeine to carry you through the somewhat bloated 3 hours, but it seems you’ve
already read this review so you are already an expert on ‘bloated’.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As a fan of fantasy, seeing orcs battle
dwarves, seeing wizards throw fire balls at wolf monsters, seeing a dragon sleeping
under a mountain of gold made my inner kid go crazy. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">T</span>he
Hobbit is a welcome addition to the world of Middle Earth. It is different
enough in tone and atmosphere to not feel like a tedious repeat of what we've
already seen and fun enough that I will definitely be seeing it again, while I
eagerly await sequels.<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0cm 0cm 0pt; mso-margin-bottom-alt: auto; mso-margin-top-alt: auto;">
4.5
steroid enhanced rabbits out of 5.</div>
Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-18146142619824503902012-12-09T19:35:00.001-08:002012-12-09T19:37:57.688-08:00Twilight : Breaking Dawn Part II<!--[if gte mso 9]><xml>
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</xml><![endif]-->It’s the end of an era.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>The Twilight movies are finally dead!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>For those of you who don’t know my story/excuse for going to see these
movies is long ago, before we started dating, the woman who I am now married to
went with me to see the first Twilight movie.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And it was terrible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But since
then we have made it a point to see all of these in the theatre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sometimes we could enjoy the unintentional
hilarity of the movie, bask in the sheer incompetence of the storytelling, all
the while enduring how incredibly boring it is.
For those of you who are not in the know, the following is not really a review but a snarky synopsis of the movie.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Well, Twilight 5 : Breaking Dawn Part 2 is not so much a
movie as it was a 2 hour anti-climax and a final cash grab.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When we last left our cast in Twilight 4 :
Breaking Dawn Part I, Bella had just given birth to a vampire baby, whom they
name Renesmee.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Bella was turned into a
vampire because essentially giving birth to a vampire killed her.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
There were of course a few loose ends to tie up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>For starters, Jacob the werewolf, who has
been in love with Bella for 4 movies, gets a consolation prize having lost his
true love to the vampire Edward.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>His
consolation prize is… wait for it…Bella’s daughter!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’re probably asking, “Wait, that guy
without a shirt is in love with a baby?”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Basically, but the baby grows up super fast and the movie implies that
in 7 years, he will be able to have carnal wolf relations with Bella’s daughter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Sure, she would only be 7 years old, but
would probably look much, much older.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And
that makes it socially acceptable.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="296" id="il_fi" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg5DKoXhC_Z3c5Qw0Tgaf1DLmEa-Xm56eIFS2btIShz2iHT4GfCFpcPHIZnhUeeILEcdzm1_muaO_7QOw-MWeRrIB9_o6abrGJCCtb8yzcdxNoCxHLcX3CoQZ0KF8vDsBNdOTzQkQ/s320/Renesmee_and_Jacob.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Twilight's new power couple : a werewolf and a 3 year old kid. Do I hear spinoff?</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
See, in the Twilight universe, werewolves imprint on people
involuntarily.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>If I remember correctly,
when Jacob first sees Bella’s baby in the last movie, he makes an orgasm face
and that means that he’s imprinted on her and they’re soul mates.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That is addressed in this movie resulting in
a hilarious scene where Bella screams out, “You imprinted on my baby?!?” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And then she beats the crap out of Jacob,
kicking him so hard that he goes flying into trees.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then she gets bored of beating him up and
stops.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I guess I’d be upset too if
someone imprinted on my baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Nothing
gets imprint stains out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Just ask
Clinton.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Other loose ends include the mandatory scenes of Bella lying
to her dad, a dutifully executed a sex scene where Bella sparkles and a scene
where Bella kills a mountain lion.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Because vampires sparkle and kill mountain lions… And they also arm wrestle. For some reason there are a few scenes showing that Bella is the strongest vampire of all. She even beats this guy, and then breaks the rock they were arm wrestling on. She's so badass and strong!</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<img height="263" id="il_fi" src="http://metronewsca.files.wordpress.com/2012/11/armwrestle.jpg?w=618&h=408&crop=1" style="padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="400" /> </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
With all that out of the way, we can get to the plot. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At some point Edward’s cousin sees the new Cullen
baby and freaks out.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Why?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Because turning children into vampires is
forbidden!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And so Edward’s cousin goes
to Italy to tell the evil vampire council that Edward and Bella have made a
vampire baby.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The punishment for this
crime is death and the vampire council goes to the US to kill both parents and
child.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But technically, they didn’t turn
a child into a vampire, the child was born a vampire, which turns out to be totally
legal.</div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
So the whole plot is based on a horrible misunderstanding.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The Cullen’s plan is to explain this to the
vampire council when they arrive.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>To
strengthen their case, Edward and Bella call upon friends and family to be
witnesses that our young couple have done nothing wrong (except being largely
responsible for some of the worst movies in history).</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
For The whole second act of the movie vampire stereotypes
from all over the world come to the U.S. to somehow help explain to the evil
vampire council that Renesmee is not a child who turned into a vampire, but
rather a child who was born as a vampire which is okay.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The vampires who come to the Cullen family’s
aid include vampires with Irish accents, vampires with Italian accents, Indian
vampires and Brazillian vampires (the brazillian vampires don’t have cheesy
accents but we know they’re brazillian because they wear loin cloths… ?).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As an added bonus, all the vampires have
super powers!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>There’s a vampire with
electricity powers, there’s a vampire that can control the elements, we even discover
that Bella can make vampire force fields.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>All vampires can jump super high and move at super speed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The take home lesson from all of this is
that even though they don’t intend to get into a fight, they would be ready for
a fight should one ever occur.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>*wink* </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Now, even though these vampires from around the world show
up in minutes, it takes the evil vampires the entire movie to show up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The movie ends when all these vampires
explain that Renesmee is not the bad kind of vampire child, but the good kind.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The vampire bad guys actually agree, “Yeah,
she’s not evil and no threat to us.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But, for some reason the bad guys want to fight anyway. Luckily, there’s
a psychic vampire on the Cullen’s side who convinces the evil vampires that if
they fight, lots of vampires will die, including the evil vampire boss, played
by a delightfully hammy Michael Sheen.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>And so the bad guys decide to go home to avoid unnecessary loss of life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The end!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You think I’m joking?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That’s how
the Twilight Saga ends with shrugged shoulders and everyone going home. I was not amused. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Here's a video of me after seeing the ending to Twilight.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="360" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/Lnxo7zNZxnc?feature=player_detailpage" width="640"></iframe></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Perhaps you’ve seen the trailers and posters and you’re
thinking, “Wait, wait… I’m sure I saw some fighting in the movie.”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Well, here is where I am tempted to say there
was 10 or so minutes of the franchise that didn’t totally suck.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Before everyone goes home, in order to
convince the evil vampires that they shouldn’t fight the Cullens, the psychic vampire
gives the evil vampire boss a vision of the battle <u>that would have ensued</u>
if they actually did fight each other.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So
we get to see a battle that didn’t really happen.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
The good news for the viewer is, the only way to kill a
vampire is to rip off its head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So there
are about 10 minutes of graphic decapitations.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I don’t know if it’s my imagination but it seems to me that the battle
basically proceeds this way.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Phase 1: A bad guy vampire kills a good guy vampire’s
boyfriend by ripping his head off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then
they scream, “NOOOOOOOO!!!” Then a good guy vampire kills a bad guy vampire’s
boyfriend by ripping his head off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Repeat.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Phase 2: The vampires bust out their super powers.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Electricity, earthquakes and Bella forcefields
abound!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>At one point the Indian vampire opens
up the ground beneath them and obviously, 100 feet down there is hot magma.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Presumably that is the Earth’s core and the
earth is approximately 250 feet in diameter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So some werewolves and vampires fall into the magma.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Phase 3: they start ripping off the heads of the B-list
celebrities.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They rip off that guy’s
head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>A wolf rips off Dakota Fanning’s
head with its jaws.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then Bella and
Edward rip off Michael Sheen’s head.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That
decapitation was particularly graphic with Bella and Edward pulling on Michael
Sheen like he was a wishbone until ‘pop’! his head flies off.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But the head is still alive, so they take a
torch to the head and burn it up! Best love story ever.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was awesome and for a while I was worried
I would have to admit that I actually legitimately enjoyed about 10 minutes of
Twilight.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But then they kind of wake up and you realize none of that
awesomeness actually happened.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Does the
scene still count if it didn’t really happen in the movie?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Can I safely say I’ve seen the entire
Twilight series and didn’t enjoy any of it?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>I guess not.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The movie ends with
a montage of other scenes from Twilight just in case you have forgotten how bad
these movies are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I got some good laughs, especially at the pictures of Edward looking constipated and creepy.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="299" id="il_fi" src="http://ones2watch4.com/content/wp-content/gallery/twilight/twilight-production.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-bottom: 8px; padding-right: 8px; padding-top: 8px;" width="446" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Ummm... Could you maybe give me a few inches? You're making me very uncomfortable."</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div class="MsoNormal">
In conclusion, I don’t think Stephanie Meyers knows what a
vampire is.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Or what or where Brazil is
for that matter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Oh well, as my wife
said, we have closed our loop (a quote from an actual good movie, called Looper,
you should go see that).<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>We even went
back to the crappy cinema in the Cavendish mall where we first went to see the
first Twilight movie over 4 years ago.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When we walked into the lobby, there was me and my wife, 4 people at the
concession stand and 1 person to take our ticket.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>No one else!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It was super quiet, almost spooky.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There were a few people in the theatre.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>There was something appropriate about seeing the last Twilight movie in
the almost completely desolate cinema.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I
felt like we were being given a semi-private screening as a reward for enduring
so much.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And now it’s finally over.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Burn in hell, Twilight movies!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
1 pedophile werewolf out of 5. </div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Edwardian Script ITC"; font-size: 28.0pt;">Fin</span></div>
Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-51430948004138646592012-09-12T08:38:00.000-07:002012-09-12T08:38:06.976-07:00ThrillhouseI guess recently we've been in an 80's, 90's movie mode at the Gregg household. This week I'd like to highlight one of the best and simultaneously worst movies ever made : Mortal Kombat. At the time this movie was released I was about 14 years old and was an avid fan of the video game that featured over the top gore, causing parents quite a bit of distress at the time.<br />
<br />
Surprisingly it wasn't a very difficult sell for my wife. "Wife," I explained to her, "Mortal Kombat is one of the worst movies ever made." Almost immediately she found a copy of it. <br />
<br />
Anyone else around my age remember all the cheering in the movie theatre when you went to see Mortal Kombat? I mean one of the best things about this movie is the ridiculous opening 'credits'. They're not really credits, just an insane flaming dragon logo with one of the cheesiest dance songs ever made playing in the background. As if you don't remember the opening of Mortal Kombat, here it is :<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="360" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/On-aETZNRN8?feature=player_detailpage" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
Why do I love this song so much? It's 30 seconds of music, repeated ad nauseam (if you ever listen to the full song), with someone yelling 'mortal kombat' in the background. Simple, thrilling and effective. I remember cheers in the movie theatre. <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QPsdxR0zzNE" target="_blank">And that's before the movie has even started!</a><br />
<br />
I like to think of it this way... Some movies are 'based on' video games. This movie IS a video game. Maybe they take 10 minutes to lay down a plot having to do with a tournament that humans must win or have their world destroyed. The rest of the movie is about half a dozen fight scenes with characters from the video game. <br />
<br />
Bad lines, bad acting, bad special effects and a ridiculous story featuring Christopher Lambert reaching new heights of cheesy awfulness, Mortal Kombat is one of those movies that is so unabashedly moronic, it wins you over very almost immediately. The movie seals the deal when Johnny Cage punches the four-armed monster, Goro, in the nuts.<br />
<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="360" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/yTwvPSYUaFs?feature=player_detailpage" width="640"></iframe><br />
<br />
I may never understand why this movie was so successful, or why me and many others shamelessly enjoyed it. These days, lots of movies claim that we're supposed to enjoy them by not thinking about how bad they are. Like Transformers 2 and 3 or pretty much any Michael Bay movie. Well, Mr. Bay, take notes. This is how bad movies are done. <br />
<br />
Now, who wants to put together a Mortal Kombat flash dance group with me?<br />
<br /><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="360" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/6HAbYRPyb6c?feature=player_detailpage" width="640"></iframe>Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-68039914378936332582012-09-05T07:12:00.000-07:002012-09-05T07:12:34.705-07:00The Bad Guy<br />
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Last night were the provincial elections in Quebec and we had quite a double header at my place. It started with Raiders of the Lost Ark and ended with the 1987 classic, Masters of the Universe. I probably watched the latter because I had just seen the amazing Frank Langella in <i>the Robot and Frank</i> and I had just seen the not so amazing Dolph Lundgren in <i>the Expendables 2 </i>(which was amazing). I didn't want to watch a play by play of the elections. Watching these movies was like fast forwarding to the ending of the provincial elections.<br />
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The most striking thinkg about Raiders of the Lost Ark is the wanton slaughter of Nazis. Back in its day this was a PG movie and if you remember people get run over by trucks, mutilated by airplane propellers... We see guys melting, we see guys heads explode in a gory mess! Indiana Jones has one solution to any conflict : over the top violence. It's easy to forget how ridiculously violent and gory these movies were because ever since the Last Crusade, Indiana Jones and movies in general have become more tame. Raiders of the Lost Ark takes place in a moral vacuum, probably because we are okay with watching the 'bad guy', this time around Nazis, getting brutally murdered for over two hours.<br />
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Masters of the Universe was considerably lighter fare, but what struck me as I fell asleep was how Courtney Cox explains to He-man that she was attacked by monsters. I wondered to myself, do Skeletor's minions consider themselves monsters? I wonder what Beastman would say if he heard Courntey Cox speaking that way. He'd probably say, "Hey, I'm just doing me. I gotta eat, I gotta live. People were calling me a monster long before I started working for Skeletor. People were calling my parents monsters! It's like every morning I wake up and the whole world is against me. So if you're scared of me, remember, I do this because I'm scared of you!"<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"I'm just trying to do me!"</td></tr>
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I fell asleep, and when I woke up my first thought was, "Geez, Beastman really let himself go." I then realized that I was watching the news and Pauline Marois had just won a minority government. I soon learned that two people had been shot and eventually we learned that one of them had died. Sadly, nothing was different from the over the top fantasy movies I had been watching, there were good guys, bad guys and violence. <br />
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Granted the man who committed this crime was insane and should not be considered representative of any specific demographic. But I'm just writing this as a reminder to myself not to demonize people who exist at another end of a political spectrum. Don't get me wrong, the PQ relies on xenophobia and discontent to get their votes and I am convinced that their platform is senseless and destructive. But you think about the millions of people involved, Anglophone, Allophone and Francophone turning on their televisions, reading news articles and everyone is trying to convince us that the world is out to get us. Francophones who voted PQ are probably looking at the world and feeling as if they are surrounded by people who hate them, people who want to humiliate them and people who want to oppress them, whether that feeling is justified or not. Anglophones and Allophones in Quebec were coming from a similar place when they look at polls (which were completely bogus by the way) and hear Pauline Marois' rhetoric. So instead of voting to make this province a better place we voted out of fear of the other guy. I'm not saying its right or wrong, or that there is a solution to any of this, just noticing a sad truth.<br />
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I look forward to the day when we don't have the words 'je me souviens' on our license plates. I like Quebec, I really do. But everyone who lives here comes from a background where they can hold onto grudges, be angry, be bitter, be afraid ... If somehow people can get over that, maybe we can be a little more productive than we have been in the past.<br />
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Most likely if you're reading this you're of a similar
political persuasion as me and you're not happy to see that Pauline
Marois is now our premier. But, that's democracy and it's a good thing! Jean Charest has been premier for almost a decade! So at least people who thought the Liberals needed a wakeup call get to have their way. With a minority government the PQ won't have the power to do something crazy in the near future. Everyone wins and everyone loses. Seems fair. Maybe next time things will go our way, maybe they won't. In the meantime we still live in a fairly comfortable place and we have the option to leave this province if things become unbearable. Just hoping we can live and let live and violence and hate won't become the standard under Marois' leadership.Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-54575691706896578972012-08-31T11:16:00.002-07:002012-08-31T11:17:52.446-07:00BigotmobileI was driving home at about 9:30 at night just about to cross the Champlain Bridge. I was doing about 20 over the speed limit as was the guy a car and a half in front of me. You know that moment where you're driving and you're not certain if the person behind you is flashing their lights at you or if it just seems like they are flashing you because of the bumps in the road? I'm always one to give someone the benefit of the doubt, but this guy was flashing his high beams or something. I couldn't tell if it was a truck that was behind me or what. The vehicle's flashing lights seemed to have a slightly bluish or purple colour to it.<br />
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Whatever... I don't care. If this truck needed to speed down the middle of the road I would let it. I pulled aside to let the vehicle pass and what do I see? Pauline Marois' giant, fat face on the side of an obnoxious blue bus. Yes, you know the one, this effing thing!!<br />
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<img alt="AUTOBUS PQ4" height="150" src="http://www.autocarjeannois.com/images/stories/thumbs/images-stories-remote-http--a5.sphotos.ak.fbcdn.net-hphotos-ak-ash4-378339_10151985316710297_2083909747_n-200x150.jpg" width="200" /> <br />
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If my anger were measured on a scale of 1 to 10, 1 being just annoyed, 10 being naked fury, I went from 2 to 11 in seconds. I'm not prone to road rage, but my first thought was to destroy the bus
somehow. I wanted to do this<br />
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<a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0gttOaILRg&feature=player_detailpage#t=57s" target="_blank">https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=b0gttOaILRg&feature=player_detailpage#t=57s</a><br />
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Now I'm not going to go on a rant against Pauline Marois. There's nothing that I can say about her that hasn't been said about Dolores Umbridge from Harry Potter. And there's nothing that can be said about her politics that hasn't been alluded to in classic science fiction novels like, '1984' or 'Farenheit 451'. And what the hell, let's just go full out Godwin's law,<a href="http://www.montrealgazette.com/news/Marois+about+changing+government+about+changing+countries/7170472/story.html" target="_blank">she's Hitler reincarnated</a>. But, unless you are one of approximately 33% of Quebecers who enthusiastically support this bigoted sociopath, the threat of having this creature as our Premier has probably caused you some anxiety this last month.<br />
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We panic, even knowing that we can't realistically expect this lunatic to execute even a small portion of her ludicrous propositions, at least not in the near future. But my biggest disappointment is in the people who support her. Am I to believe that 1 in 3 people don't believe that citizens should be allowed to wear yamulkes or turbans to work? But they do believe it's okay to wear a cross? Am I to believe that 1 in 3 Quebecers are behind Marois' insidious plan to exclude First Nations people from holding public office with a new slew of undemocratic language laws? (More language laws?!?) 1/3 people believe this province, with all its debt, with all of its reliance on federal funds, could be its own country?<br />
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But I'll tell you what really gets me, besides all the obvious stuff like what a PQ government will mean for the economy... What gets me is that after months and months of student protests we see that even though a significant portion of the population believes that education is free, those same people do not necessarily believe that adults should be free to have that education in English ie, the international language of business and science. Let that soak in for a while... Remember when some of the protesters came out admitting how easily they could pay their tuition, but then claimed that they were out in the streets for the sake of those who would not be able to afford it? And remember how you probably thought to yourself, "Wow, that's obviously a load of crap!" Well, now is your chance to call those people out! If they care so much about others, let them protest for people's right to be educated in the language of our choice. While they're out there, let them protest for other people's religious freedom. Dare I suggest they protest a person's right to run their business in the language they choose, if only to keep more business from leaving this province. Speaking of leaving the province, can someone tell me why a doctor would stick around here when this woman is about to raise taxes on higher income earners once again!<br />
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Now would have been the perfect time to become passionate about something serious, involving other people's rights because it goes without saying that Pauline Marois plattform has at its core, an appeal to people's fears and prejudices, she doesn't even bother to hide it. If there are people out there who care about the rights of others we should be hearing from them right aboooouuut.... now!<br />
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What? People are still protesting tuition increases? Oh well. What was I saying? Oh yeah, I won't go on a rant about Pauline Marois.Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-64075403894137051092012-08-26T11:51:00.000-07:002012-08-26T11:51:27.278-07:00The Adventures of the Amazing Coco Bongo<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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Do you like looking at pictures and videos of other people's vacations while being told long, meandering anecdotes? Perhaps you are curious to see pictures of me without a shirt. If you fall into either category, then this is the post for you!!! Welcome to Riviera Maya! Where my wife and I enjoyed a beautiful honeymoon! Join us for all the adventure and romance as I highlight a few of the trips... ummm... highlights. The first thing we saw in Mexico was an add for 'Coco Bongo'. We didn't know what 'Coco Bongo' was at the time, but throughout our vacation we would see that the adds for it were always accompanied by a picture of Spider-man. Sadly, this is the most significant cultural impact that Mexico had on our lives; to this day we still call Spider-man 'the Amazing Coco Bongo'.<br /><br />
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If that story doesn't whet your appetite for adventure, certainly tales of the legendary Chichen Itza will enthrall your imagination. Chichen Itza was once a very important spiritual site in the Yucatan Penninsula. They had an astonishing mastery of mathematics that they applied to the design of many of the temples in the area. There was a ball court where teams played against each other to decide whether or not the Gods would favour them that year. The acoustics in that place were such that everyone would be able to hear the chieftain speak wherever they were in the football sized field.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The Temple of Warriors</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Mayan Obersvatory</td></tr>
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According to our tour guide, Mayans from all over the Penninsula would come to see the temple in Chichen Itza during the summer solstice. The mathematically inclined Mayans designed the temple so that during the summer solstice, the sunlight hitting the dark side of the temple would give the appearance of the snake god Kukulcan slithering down the side of it.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img alt="File:Chichen Itza Temple of Kukulcan Serpent.JPG" height="240" src="http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/thumb/9/9a/Chichen_Itza_Temple_of_Kukulcan_Serpent.JPG/800px-Chichen_Itza_Temple_of_Kukulcan_Serpent.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Kukulcan coming to visit</td></tr>
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Here is a picture of a cenote not far from the ruins at Chichen Itza. The water was cold and teaming with catfish. It was not a pleasant swim but one of those things I told myself I would do regardless. I think it's a feather in my cap, don't you?<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Can you see me??? I'm swimming in the cenote?!"</td></tr>
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The adventure continued as my wife and I braved the coral reef off the coast of Cancun. If you do go to the area I would highly recommend the Aqua World Jungle Tour. They give you a boat and you drive out to the reef at what I consider death defying high speed. Now that's adventure! You can tell because I'm wearing my adventurer hat. Of course I drive my boats the way I drive my cars: Like a 70 year old man who's not too sure where he's going. Afterall, I saw no reason to go careening through the jungle like I'm the Amazing Coco Bongo or something! Safety first! <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm on a boat!</td></tr>
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The reef itself is beautiful. When you get there, you jump off the boat suit up with flippers and snorkling gear and go for a nice swim in the ocean. We were able to take some pictures underwater with a newly purchased camera. Yes, the camera can be submerged in the ocean. Welcome to the future, my friends. Look at the fish! Look at the squids! Look at various people's rear ends!<br />
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The resort itself was beautiful. We stayed at the Excellence Riviera Cancun Resort. They made the room all fancy for our honeymoon. There were swans made of towels, rose petals and a bottle of champagne! Romantic? I think so!<br />
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The vacation reached a turning point when I had trouble deciding whether or not to order ribs or filet mignon for supper. So I ordered both! This became a trend, possibly a very unhealthy one<br />
as I ordered every meal with a side of steak : ribs and steak, lobster and steak and of course shrimp and mahi mahi .... and steak!<br />
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I didn't have steak for breakfast though a decision that was probably much appreciated by my arteries. Mornings at the resort usually involved staying in bed watching cartoons and ordering room service. I discovered a new Looney Toons cartoon as well as my new favourite cartoon, <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=113yv-Kdy7I" target="_blank">Adventure Time</a>!<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Watching cartoons in the hotel room.</td></tr>
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There were activities and shows at the resort. There was a Michael Jackson band, Madonna impersonator. A few times after dinner we would walk outside to see fire jugglers in the main plaza.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I hope my wife didn't notice me checking out the hot girls. </td></tr>
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<br /><iframe allowfullscreen="allowfullscreen" frameborder="0" height="360" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/HsXDeRsoVEo?feature=player_detailpage" width="640"></iframe><br /><br />It didn't seem terribly safe. I kept imagining one of their flaming nunchucks flying into the crowd or one of their fiery staffs getting someone in the face. After all, they did drop their flaming accoutrements more than once. Of course, any country that would let me drive a boat without a license can't be too preoccupied with people's safety. Good times. <br />
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The keen adventurers that we were we thought we had earned some downtime at the resort. Taking strolls, talking to our friend Sanchez the Iguana. It was all a very relaxing experience and was much appreciated. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The wife looking mighty fine!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Romantic Dinner</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Me doing an impersonation of the Amazing Coco Bongo</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Chilling in the pool</td></tr>
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Drinks were on the house and off the hizzy!!! One of the pools had a swim up bar. And you know how I like the hard stuff
: Pink and red stuff... Stuff with the word 'virgin' in it. Yes, I got
very krunk.<br />
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It was hard to leave and go back to the realities of work and cooking for ourselves. But we soothed ourselves by appropriating a few souvenirs from the hotel room. Best vacation ever! Would be nice to go back some day.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Time to go!!! Let go of that post!!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Here's a <i>bright</i> idea. Let's steal the lamp.!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I don't know if this will fit in my bag.</td></tr>
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Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-73737712000694627232012-08-14T19:13:00.000-07:002012-08-14T20:07:36.278-07:00The Second Annual Gregg Wedding<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It's been a long time since I've posted on the ol' blog, and what better memory to have on the ol' blog than my wedding day! Technically, it wasn't our wedding but our vow renewal which was an opportunity for my wife and I to celebrate our marriage with friends and family.<br />
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We were blessed with good weather and most of the details seemed to have been taken care of (mostly by my dear wife) but the morning of I was stressed. I can't say exactly why, but I felt it. And so the morning of the ceremony I bombarded my wife with questions before she left for the hair stylist. "Did you remember your garter? Did you remember your corset? Did you bring a snack? Do you have your shoes? Do you have your flowers?" <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My beautiful wife and her lovely bridesmaids, Soyeon, Natalie and Claudia.
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She had not forgotten anything. In fact her and the bridesmaids had their affairs very much in order that morning. I as the groom, only had a few things to remember myself, most importantly my tux which I brought over to the Kim Chiaw residence, while Justin, Pat and his wife Mel watched me stress out for a while before the wedding. We went to the church, had a snack. Everything was going smoothly and the ceremony was in less than half an hour. All I had to do was get dressed. I opened up my garment bag and my jaw dropped. "Guys, you won't believe this."<br />
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My groomsmen looked at me and reluctantly asked. "What?"<br />
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"I forgot my pants!"<br />
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There was very little left to say after this. Justin and I jumped into his car, Dukes of Hazard, style and made the trip from the church (in Westmount) back to my place (in Brossard). Who knew Justin had mad driving skills? He drove that white Hyundai Elantra (adorned with ribbons) like it was the Batmobile. With my cousin Chad on the phone giving us a breakdown of what traffic was like in the city that day, and Justin attaining speeds one might not have considered reasonable for the vehicle, all my stress dissolved. It was a kind of an epiphany. If I could do something as stupid as forget my pants and the world didn't come to an end, perhaps the rest of the day would be okay.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The groomsmen had my back! Pat, Chad and Justin FTW!</td></tr>
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Considering the traffic caused by an accident that morning, and pervasive roadwork throughout Montreal, the trip from church, to my house and back was made in miraculous time and the wedding began only 15 minutes late. I don't consider myself an overly emotional person. My feelings normally range from feelings of hunger, to feelings of tiredness. But when I saw my wife coming down the aisle... well... I wasn't hungry. Or even itchy. It was something else. I was in love and stunned by how beautiful she looked! One of the most overwhelming feelings I've ever had. And knowing that when she looked back down the aisle she would see a man, not just any man, but a man with a pair of pants made it that much sweeter.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">"Does she know that I forgot my pants?"</td></tr>
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And so the rest of the day was just beautiful. We took photos downtown, the reception was a mixture of good food, good music, dancing and of course an impromptu lightsaber duel.<br />
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I'm reluctant to name
names out of fear of leaving out some of the people who made it the
amazing day that it was, but the support of friends and family was
simply overwhelming. It goes without saying that the wedding party was awesome. Thanks to wedding veterans Pat and Mel for
helping us with so many of the details and taking the great pics I put in this blog post (while we wait for the photographer to touch up some more). Thanks to Julie and Yeusung for managing decorations and seating at the restaurant! Thanks Cris and Yeusung for reading. Thanks B and Viv for the slideshow! Thanks to my cousins Sean and Duane for showing
everyone such a good time at the reception, best MC and DJ ever! Thanks to Charlene for the beautiful song and the delicious cake! Thanks to the photographers, Juan, Jessica and Ming! Thanks to Pastor Chris for the wonderful sermon! Thanks to our parents for love and support! God blessed my wife and I with good people in our life and an opportunity to celebrate with them. My prevailing feeling for the day was one of immense gratitude. So
this is a big thank you to all who were a part of that day both
physically present and present in spirit. You don't know how much it
was appreciated. <br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The gang!!</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looking sassy with cigars!</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWtY6gqpijm9J6UbJQzeNga-HK_l5RAx7t_4yk_dmTlfdLOF7fZpLIoa4EV_f0vBLHV1yYcHPaoznGDSD-cALx-pi3iz3SODjRsRi6RgBQ8_u1wgbKmcd_GxStLlVL6rS2IO9q/s1600/146.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiWtY6gqpijm9J6UbJQzeNga-HK_l5RAx7t_4yk_dmTlfdLOF7fZpLIoa4EV_f0vBLHV1yYcHPaoznGDSD-cALx-pi3iz3SODjRsRi6RgBQ8_u1wgbKmcd_GxStLlVL6rS2IO9q/s320/146.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Looking cool in downtown Montreal</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsiEc9eQwG7GJZ56N2Yw910-NGWt-mj1zV18Dz8kT7dl4VwALjW-uGEa5_6x-8R3yXFFYTOH7IyGCxIYYWci1jaHHjkX1xYKXQLtc1Lz3zFEZdebxyoizYJY3AO-bbwPzF6xiV/s1600/090.JPG" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsiEc9eQwG7GJZ56N2Yw910-NGWt-mj1zV18Dz8kT7dl4VwALjW-uGEa5_6x-8R3yXFFYTOH7IyGCxIYYWci1jaHHjkX1xYKXQLtc1Lz3zFEZdebxyoizYJY3AO-bbwPzF6xiV/s320/090.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">The fam!!</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-71681664285773850612010-09-15T19:02:00.000-07:002010-09-15T19:16:08.662-07:00Movie TitleIs it just me or have the titles to movies become increasingly simplistic? These days movies go for the simplest, 1 word title that would best describe the movie. There is no irony, they're never tongue in cheek. In the near future we have a movie coming out called 'Buried', about a guy who is buried. There's 'Faster' starring the Rock. I imagine the Rock does stuff faster than one normally would. At least there must be some kind of acceleration in the film. Just now I saw the trailer for 'Devil'. I think it's about Rosie Odonnel. And remember Phone Booth? About a guy in a phone booth, being held hostage?<br /><br />I wonder if they come up with the story first, or just a title. We tried it the other day at lunch. The movie is called 'Kayak.' The trailer would be a guy kayaking and then a cell phone would ring. Anthony Hopkins would be on the other end. "Tyler, if you would look underneath the blanket in your kayak..." And then the guy, (Sam Worthington I guess) would look under the blanket and find a bomb. Anthony Hopkins would then explain, "If you stop paddling, then the Kayak will explode... Also, the Kayak is heading toward a waterfall."<br /><br /><br /><br /><p><img style="TEXT-ALIGN: center; MARGIN: 0px auto 10px; WIDTH: 400px; DISPLAY: block; HEIGHT: 238px; CURSOR: hand" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5517327970083210258" border="0" alt="" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgInf66rL3Qw0geyv_wytG4HyD-F5vVXPrCSyWMCPVrNxaTVW4f99BM8NmELVXhp-3H2KUXtiSrFtbG9ByKcz1cpCQTVgqda41iaAQZ3kmcV1sJqQNqL2cu1c4TZnQZXOh_rID-/s400/extreme+kayaking.jpg" /></p><p align="center">This summer...in theatres... kayking... is.... very dangerous...</p><p align="justify"><br />Then Sam Worthington would cry out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?!" and Anthony Hopkins would say, "Just keep paddling for now..."</p><div align="justify">The ending is obvious. Anthony Hopkins wants revenge on Sam Worthington because as a child, Hopkins was sexually abused by Worthington's dad who was a catholic priest.</div><div align="justify"> </div><div align="justify">Rated R for nudity, coarse language and a troubling scene featuring a grizzly bear.</div>Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-16815032443367200912010-09-08T18:58:00.001-07:002010-09-08T19:15:10.252-07:00Master ChefI don't often turn on the television and watch whatever's on, but I just finished watching Master Chef. I didn't think I could ever enjoy watching a compettitive, cooking reality show, but it was freaking tense. I'm not a particularly ambitious person, so to see people excelling at anything is awesome to me. I love food, I even like cooking, but I can't imagine putting the time and effort that these people have invested into their craft, to be an excellent chef.<br /><br />There are people crying and freaking out. "Ooooh snap!!! Did he just put salt on a soufflee???" Yes... he did. And I'm wondering... Is that bad?<br /><br />I'm told Gordon Ramsay is... someone I should know. Watching the show he's the cooking world's answer to Simon Cowell, an obnoxious, mercurial Brit who doesn't hesitate to make people feel like garbage for dramatic effect. One of the other judges on the show simply said of a dish, "This is bad..... It's bad as a dessert.... It would be bad as breakfast." Then he threw his fork down with no small measure of contempt.<br /><br />OUCH! But i was hooked from that moment on. It's fun to live in a world where everyone has different passions. I mean, no matter how many hours, how many years you put into becoming the ultimate chef, the product is so transient. If there's one thing the perfect soufflee and a Big Mac have in common, it's that after they're eaten, their destiny is the toilet. A reeking, brown log riding waves of sewage until the end of time... Or at least until a rat eats it. Is it just me, or can I be just as happy after eating a Big Mac trio for 8$, as I could eating a 100$ carefully prepared masterpiece? Not to say I don't like eating fancy from time to time... It's just one of those oddities of our culture. There are people in this world paid to harshly judge how carefully ingredients are put together on a few ounces of food, and other people who would be lucky to eat that amount of food in a week. Just a thought.Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-55646215785425691222010-03-30T17:30:00.000-07:002010-03-30T17:58:45.338-07:00Rice, potatoes and homosLast Thursday was fun. On my way to lunch I smelled gas. Apparently, while building the foundation for the new Genomics Center at Concordia, the construction workers hit a gas line. It smelled a lot like the gas used to light our Bunsen burners meaning it was potentially explosive gas. A fleet of fire trucks and a few cop cars showed up and soon the entire school was closed off! With my laptop and all my work stuck inside!<br /><br />It was a gift... Like a snow day when you're a kid... Or when you're digging through trash and find a hot dog that's only half eaten. There's nothing like an impromptu day off. So Hayline and I went to a lebanese restaurant called Amir. I giggled to myself and pointed out the menu to Hayline. "Look Hayline! They serve Rice, Potatoes and Homos with every combo!" (Riz, Patates et Homos). Clearly someone tried to translate humus into french and in a fortuitous turn of events forgot the 'u'.<br /><br />Me: "I'll have a mixed plate."<br />Lebanese guy: "Would you like some homos with that???"<br />Me: "No, thank you."<br />Lebanese guy: "There's nothing like the taste of homos in your mouth!"<br />Me: "No, I'm good."<br />Lebanese guy: "Don't be a homosphobe!! It's a delicious, creamy treat in the mouth!!!"<br /><br />Then I secretly go off and dip all my food in delicious homos sauce, "I wish I knew how to quit you, Homos..."<br /><br />What's really funny is... who puts hummus on the menu? Isn't that like putting ketchup or mustard? Besides, they didn't mention that the combo also comes with garlic sauce. It's almost as if putting Homos all over the menus was deliberate.<br /><br />Speaking of Homos, I got a chance to flick through the channels watching daytime television. Has anyone seen the show <a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1CZFQgd5TkE">Chris and Steve</a>? It's a talk show featuring two gay guys. The hilight of that was after examining which flowers are most conducive to feng sui in the house, the pair (at this point wearing matching aprons with their names on it) were decorating a piece of wall with some kind of lacker. Gingerly holding their tools, one of them messed up the project, and ran off with his hands on his hips, pouting and whining like a child with a stereotypical lisp. Hayline then asked, "How do you know they're gay?" I don't know, just a hunch. <br /><br />We then watched the brilliant show, "Community", where the Black guy confirmed my suspicion which is that Black people are allowed to be homophobic. (Nuff Respek, Isaiah Washington!)<br /><br />Anyway, keep up the good work Concordia Construction workers. We have a four day weekend coming up, care to make it 5? Just don't light any matches near the next "accident".Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-16544496634247034132010-02-21T15:07:00.000-08:002010-02-21T15:39:43.054-08:00Apologies that appall (A word about Woods)I'm not always up to date on the news, but what qualifies as news is often outrageous. I refer particularly to celebrities apologizing for some horrendous thing that they've done. In the last few years Michael Richards, Mel Gibson and Isaiah Washington have all had to go on national television and explain why they used offensive language. But with the exception of Michael Richards, these offenses were done in private, why should they have to apologize to the world? Also, what possible sincerity could be in such an apology for people who's career seems to be on the line. I mean, what they do in public is worth millions of dollars to them, of course they'd apologize!<br /><br />Which brings me to Tiger Woods. Why in the world does he have to make a public statement to me because he cheated on his wife? Why does the entire world have to get in on this circus? What bothers me more than anything is the hypocrisy of it all. The western world is hardly a country that values fidelity in marriage. At least not enough to justify this outlash against Tiger.<br /><br />Surely you've all have heard of Ashley Madison, the online dating service for people looking to have an affair. Their slogan is, "Life is short, have an affair!" There are allegedly 5.3 million users on that site. Most surveys you read will say that 22% of people admit to being unfaithful to their current partner and about 50% will admit to having been unfaithful at some point in their life. That means that among the people who have an opinion about Tiger Woods, possibly half of them have already cheated on someone, they just had the luxury of dealing with it in private.<br /><br />So what makes Tiger Woods, a golfer, subject to such a severe backlash? Many people have suggested racism may play a role. Seems too simple to me. Bill Cosby and Michael Jordan come to mind as Black people who seemed to fly under the radar during their affairs. Hugh Grant, Bill Clinton, they all had some media attention while involved in gross affairs. Is it because Tiger Woods is a Black man with a white wife? Is it because the women he cheated with were ugly? Or is it all of that, combined with the fact that he gets paid billions of dollars to play golf all day? That would certainly make a racist angry, wouldn't it?<br /><br />Maybe he owes his friends and family an apology. Certainly his wife and kids. Maybe if he were a pastor? But a golfer? Tiger Woods said in his public statement, "I thought I could get away with it! I'm rich!" This sadly is the most reasonable thing he could have said! It's the most honest thing he could have said, and all things being equal, he probably should have "gotten away with it."<br /><br />Don't get me wrong, in my opinion, infidelity is one of the most despicable things someone can be involved in. But it's not that that dissapoints me about Tiger. It's seeing him go up there with his tail between his legs as if he has to answer to the world for doing something that the world seems to be okay with. This was Tiger's chance to really do something great. The man has billions of dollars, you know what I say? Hold your press conference, go up to that podium, take a few steps left, pull down your pants and invite the entire planet to kiss your big, black, billionaire backside! (Ten dollars a smooch, 1 cheek per person, no tongue please.) Let he who is without sin, give said backside a swift kick but clearly very few people in the world would qualify for that. So I say pucker up!Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-71467052523092477362009-11-18T19:27:00.000-08:002009-11-18T19:52:58.126-08:00White Chocolate Brownies<p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 3.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: #545454; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="color:#000000;">I was calling a friend racist as I often do. I think it was justified this time. She was comparing me to Sebastien the crab from the little Mermaid. Anyway, it lead us to ponder an inconsistency in the English language that I think is worth sharing. The conversation went like this:</span> </span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 3.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: #545454; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"></span> </p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 3.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: #545454; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">DoctaC$G says:<?xml:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" /><o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>and you're RACIST!!!<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 3.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: #545454; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>says:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>speaking of that<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>i was considering making white chocolate brownies<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>think that's possible?!</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>i love white chocolate<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 3.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: #545454; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">DoctaC$G says:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>Why white chocolate?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>leave it to the man to take delicious chocolate and turn it white.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 3.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: #545454; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>says:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>its sweeter<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 3.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: #545454; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">DoctaC$G says:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>anyway, it's possible, I think I've had it before.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 3.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: #545454; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>says:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>do you remember it being good?<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 3.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: #545454; FONT-SIZE: 10pt">DoctaC$G says:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>I think I found it too sweet.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>and of course at that point they're not brownies.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: black; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>they're whities.<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 3.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: #545454; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>says:<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>LOOOOOL<o:p></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes"> </span>HAHAHAHAHAHA</span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"></span> </p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p><span style="color:#000000;">I wonder... Should white chocolate even be called chocolate anymore? Couldn't they just think of another name for that particular candy? You know that white chocolate only has to be 20% cocoa butter to be sold as chocolate? Doesn't sound like chocolate to me... </span></o:p></span><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p><span style="color:#000000;">Here I was going to make a joke like, "that's about as chocolate as Nicole Richie!" Or... "Lionel Richie!" But I decided that would be in poor taste as I am a fan of Lionel Richie and relatively neutral about Nicole. Did you know that grown Iraqi men weep at the mere mention of Lionel Richie's name? Yes, he's very popular in the Middle East. </span></o:p></span></p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p><span style="color:#000000;"></span></o:p></span> </p><p style="LINE-HEIGHT: normal; TEXT-INDENT: -9pt; MARGIN: 0cm 0.9pt 0pt 17.6pt; tab-stops: 36.0pt; mso-layout-grid-align: none" class="MsoNormal"><span style="FONT-FAMILY: 'Segoe UI', 'sans-serif'; COLOR: maroon; FONT-SIZE: 10pt"><o:p><span style="color:#000000;">But I digress... And by that I mean, I should be working instead of putzing around online. L8ter haters!</span></o:p></span></p>Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6754014.post-76481537754146850952009-08-09T21:53:00.000-07:002009-08-09T22:47:14.353-07:00P90XI've been pretty lazy the last year or so. I often fall asleep on the couch and wake up at odd hours, sleeping badly and then being tired throughout the next day. But just now I woke up to this infomercial for P90X, easily the best infomercial I've seen after that guy who cuts through a wall with his kitchen knives.<br /><br />It's not a video workout. It's an <a href="http://www.beachbody.com/product/fitness_programs/p90x.do?code=P90XDOTCOM">extreme home fitness revolution </a>that uses techniques of muscle confusion to get YOU absolutely ripped in just 90 days. As I write this an ALERT appears on the screen telling me that I can get a free pro-grade resistance band if I order in the next five minutes... I've never been so overwhelmed by a commercial before. I just wake up and you have that stony voice growling at you... "YOU CAN GET ABSOLUTELY RIPPED IN ONLY 90 DAYS ALL YOU NEED IS SOME DUMBELLS, A CHIN UP BAR AND A PRO-GRADE RESISTANCE BAND IF YOU ORDER IN THE NEXT 5 MINUTES." I am compelled to do exactly what the man says. It was the most effective infomercial I have ever seen in my life.<br /><br />If you go to the website you'll see that the XPERTS (including motivational the Master of Motivation behind P90X, Tony Horton) teach you such workouts that include PLYOMETRICS!!! YOGA X!!! KENPO X !!! AB RIPPER X!!! and even X STRETCH!!! WHAT THE HECK IS KENPO X????? WOOOOOAAAAAAAH!!!!! Maybe it's just late, and maybe I'm just tired... But I want all of this hardcore extremeness to be part of my life TODAY.... X! I want music like <em><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZciY7ymPmU">this</a></em> ringing in my brain for the rest of my life!!!<br /><br /><a href="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZciY7ymPmU">http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RZciY7ymPmU</a><br /><br />When I walk into the lab, I want this music to play the moment the door opens. Not even from a stereo or anything, it will just be God turning on some kind of divine soundtrack that follows me around wherever I go. I want my co-workers to say, "Chris!!! I can't hear myself think!!! you're too hardcore and extreme!!!" As I pipette 10 microleters of HF buffer into a PCR tube.<br /><br />I'm going to go from Tim Horton to Tony Horton in just 90 days!!! P90x MOTHA #t%!@!!!<br /><br />Then I imagine as my motivation wanes, I'll go from Tony Horton back to Horton Hears a Who. :-( Exercise is such a drag. I'll think about it tomorrow though. Where am I going to put a chin-up bar in my apartment?? Bah... The rush has worn off... Thank you for being a part of my short lived dreams of becoming absolutely ripped.<br /><br />*yawn*Mastahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08530053089725124935noreply@blogger.com0