God Preserves the Ignorant

I remember one day after school one of my sister's claimed they had learned something fascinating. The muscles of the esophagous can work against gravity when swallowing food. To prove this my sister was going to chew something, stand on her head and have the esophagous work the morsel of food into her stomach. My mom's first reaction was, "I don't really like that idea. Won't you choke?" My sister reassured her and my mom simply shrugged and said, "Oh well, God preserves the ignorant."

It's a phrase that always stuck with me and a few sisters later, I still think of it when I see someone doing something particularly dim witted. And a dark part of me watches in fascination hoping that maybe this time God wouldn't preserve the ignorant.

So this weekend after going to a Greggscellent restaurant with Viv and Jon (Garde Manger, I highly recommend it. Owned by one of the stars of the show Instant Star) We went down to the area around Palais Des Congres where Viv said we absolutely had to see this fountain that spews out fire.

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/La_Joute

It's a beautfiul work of art called La Joute and apparently it's been in the area since 2003 and I've never seen it. So we got there at about 9:30 and the fire is supposed to start at 10. So we wait around, people start gathering around waiting for the fire. Before the fire there's a mist cycle. Grates all over the park release mist, sometimes so thick you can't see where you're going.

As 10 pm approached I found myself questionning the wisdom of having a live fire in a park. Doesn't seem entirely safe. It does however seem very espensive. Jon tells me the sewers in Montreal are a mess! Have you noticed how the streets often flood when we get a lot of rain? Oh well, who cares about the Bubonic Plague that may result from poor drainage.. Let the Ninja turtles worry about that. We have a flaming fountain in town!!

And as the minutes passed we kind of backed away from the fountain. Others did not. By about ten minutes to 10 a bunch of gangly punk kids showed up, some smoking weed. I imagine they were looking for a place to light up their crack pipes.

Phil the pothead: "Hey guys, do you have a light?"
Craig the heroine addict: "No... But we could go light it up at the Joute!"

Already drunk, one guy kicks off his shoes and decides to have a dip. This idiot is walking around in a fountain that's about to start shooting fire at 10 at night! There was a security guard who came out (obviously this man had a moustache) and began making the place secure. He sees the guy in the fountain and starts going, "Hey.. Hey, Hey.... HeyHeyHeyHey... Hey..Hey.. HeyHeyHey." for about a minute. The punk didn't look like he wanted to leave.

Now there was this evil part of me that really wanted to see this guy catch fire. I'm sorry to admit it. But it would have just made my day to see this work of art burst into flames with this simpleton roving around in it. "I'm not going anywhere, eff you security guard! King Kong ain't got s**t on meaaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!"

I don't think I would have done anything to help him. "I don't know art, but I know what I like!"

But as my mom said. God preserves the ignorant. Perhaps the security guard, not liking the crowd decided to interrupt the fire show. At 10:20 there was no fire, no mist... Jon and I went around pressing buttons. (there are buttons in the park, maybe one turned on the fire?). Then Jon went to the building across the street where the security guard retreated to. He pressed the button to the intercom.

Jon: "Where's the fire???"
Security guard: "11pm."
Jon: "What hapenned to the one at 10pm??"
Security guard: "11 pm!!!"

And that was that. We looked up in the building and I kid you not, there was someone in the office apparently lying down on what looked like a bed and covering up with a sheet. Was the security guard getting some action up there instead of turning on the fire? What a world. We went home and vowed to return to the Joute one day..