Jedi Bums

So I run into my fairy-god sister, Mel. Upon hearing that droopy and I were going to have junk food, she generously offered me some coupons so we could save a few bucks. Droopy shows up at the paramount (late of course!) and we had a long discussion on what was the cheapest way to eat that night.

Droopy: "You can get a burger and a fry for 2$ at burger king!"
Me: "What about the drink?"
Droopy: "Well I brought a drink!"
Me: "I was going to bring a drink!"
Droopy: "There are water fountains everywhere! You don't need to buy a drink!"

It all seems pretty ghetto in retrospect. Coupons and drinks from home... All this to save a few cents on a 4$ meal! But here's the punchline. Before entering Burger King, this bum comes up to us and snarls, "Can I have 20$ for a steak?" I could only stare in shock. "I don't eat that s**t!" he declared gesturing to Burger King.

I was pretty confused. Is this guy some psychological genius? Does this bum actually have a strategy for mentally tricking people into giving him money by shocking me with his brazen rudeness? Was he joking? I couldn't figure it out. It was like a Jedi mind trick. For a split second, I think I wanted to give him the money. "Yes... I should give you 20$ to eat a steak. I'll go have a 1$ hamburger at Burger King."

And that's not the first time I can remember being shocked at the rudeness of a vagrant. I remember another time with Mel, we gave the remainder of our pizza to a particularly wretched, filthy bum. Did he say thank you? No, he growled that there was less than half a pizza in the box! How does that help this guy? Does he expect me to say, "Mmm... You're right... You deserve more pizza. I'll go fetch some for you."

I think all Concordia students know the Concordia Bum. The guy who tries to mug you with a banana, "Drop it like its hot, baby!" he declares. Or he'll say, "Stop playin' with yo Willy!!" Are these good begging techniques? What do they gain besides some mention in my Black Log?

I want to do an experiment one day. I'm going to go on a street corner and just try different ways of asking for money, just to see what works. I won't even wear bummy clothes. I'll wear a suit and tie. And as people pass buy I'll try different Jedi Bum Tricks.

"Hello sir... You want to give me money..."
"Are you going to eat there? That's disgusting... I want to eat lobster... And I want YOU to pay for it."
"Money is the root of all evil! Give me your earthly posessions and free yourself from sin my brother!"
"Can I please have a lot of money?"
"15 bucks, little man, put that s**t, in my hand, if that money doesn't show then you owe me, owe me owe!"

Then I would join the Conclave of Concordia Bums that seem to gather on Saturdays. We'd pool our hard earned cash together, buy a big-ass bottle of alcohol, and pass it around. Then we'd all disperse, drunk off our asses, to give the gift of drunken ramblings to the world. That's the life for me. We ride together, we die together... Jedi Bums for life!