The Ultimate Reality Show

So that new show, The Next Action Star, was pretty awful. I caught it today. For those of you who don't know the premise, they get guys and gals to act out scenes that could potentially be in an action movie. I guess later on in the series they'll be doing stunts and stuff. But in this episode, they did some melodramatic thing where their "spouse" was trapped under debris and they were about to die. No action.

So the contestant runs in, and delivers their lines.... "No... Don't give up on me!!! I love you baby!!! Don't die on me... Come on, mofo... Breathe, Christ!!!" and so forth... It was terrible. Then the judges decide who couldn't act. They never agreed, cuz let's face it, it's all very subjective. Some people like John Travolta, some don't. In my opinion, everyone on this show was ridiculously bad.

So then, they choose 14 people to stay. After they've called off the people they want to keep, one by one, the others have... and I quote... A few seconds to say their goodbyes. Seconds??? I guess that's the action part of the show... "To all the sucky actors, you have a few seconds to get out of here. After which the room will fill with a potent nerve gas which will peel the flesh off of your bones in the most excrutiating manner that modern science can devise... "

The asian girl took her seconds to complain that, she should have stayed because she knew martial arts, insisting that, "This is whack!". Oh, it was whack alright. It was all heinously whack! Insufferably whack!!

I guess in most cases knowing martial arts is the only criteria to starring in an action movie. Remember Matrix: Reloaded, when Keanu Reeves had to bring what's her name back to life. He delivered this memorable line, "I can't let you go trinity. I won't let you go... I just love you too damn much!!!"

They already have a reality show with people who can't sing, now I have to watch people who can't act too??? Maybe one day they'll make the ultimate reality show, where people, sing, dance, act, box and play Yugiyo, while racing around the world all to gain the favor of one lucky man or woman, who they could potentially wed. Or they could screw the guy or girl over and take a million bucks. The lucky bride or groom to be must suffer the most cruel cosmetic surgery available, before the wedding. Eye transplants... nad inflation using liquified lead... vertebrae insertion... sawing bones to a more aesthetically pleasing lengths... cauterizing orifices and stuff.... The works!

Here's the twist!! The cosmetic surgery involves a sex change, resulting in two grooms or two brides upon the season finale!!!!

Girl sex-changed to a guy who looks suspiciously like Kenny Rogers with a perm: "Could you love me... Even like this??????"
Guy with Duke Nukem voice: "No baby... Not like this... No..." *grabs dollar sign bag with a million dollars and leaves*

Oh television, how I hate thee.