Wednesday, May 05, 2004

Battle for Food

Last Sunday my mom made a magnificent feast of chicken wings and little fried shrimps and stuff. We all ate it greedily and revelled in its deliciousness. After the meal, there were still some wings and shrimp left. And so the battle begun.

Mom wanted to take the remnants to work for lunch the next day. So did I! Mom offered sharing it, but I argued that splitting the portion in half would not provide an adequate meal for either of us. Like when King Solomon was approached by two women who were fighting over custody of a child and Solomon said, "I'll cut the baby in half! Then you can both have some.... baby that is." So one woman said, "Yeah, that would be the s**t!" and the other woman said, "No, don't kill my baby!" So Solomon decided that the latter woman loved the baby more and let her keep it.

Such was the case with the remnants of the chicken wings. I loved them more. I didn't want to see them bisected like innocent babies in ancient Jerusalem. But there was no wise King to recognize my heart of the food. So I challenged my mom! "We'll put a glass on top of the tv, and chuck slippers at it. The first person to knock the glass off of the television, gets the food to take to work!"

Mom didn't care so much for that challenge, so she proposed we try throwing pennies into the glass. First one to get the penny into a wine glass got the food! I figured that worked too, so we began tossing pennies at a glass on the table. It was really hard. One of my pennies actually bounced out of the glass. Anyway, ten minutes later, my mom emerged the victor. There was a wailing and a gnashing of teeth the likes of which had never been heard in my house.

But being a mom, she let me have the leftovers anyway. Can you here the live studio audience going, "Awwwwwwwww...." I can... I can.

So, this weekend is Mother's Day, a token day in which we try to compensate for causing our mothers years and decades of inconvenience by buying some kind of gift, or bringing them out for food. So... do it you selfish bastards! I just wish I had an idea what to get for her.

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