Email #1- "Hey guys! It snowed a lot. Let's build a snow fort!"
Email#2- "I've decided we should build a snow fort at a park near the Big O!"
Email#3- "Change of plans, we'll be building the fort in a cemetery in Cote Des Neiges!"
Email#4- "We're starting at 11am! Bring recycling bins and shovels!"
Email#5- "What? No one's interested?"
An email reply was inadequate for this level of madness. I decided to call Dan up and personally tell him off. "Dan, what is this? We're grown ass men! I'm not going way the hell up to a graveyard in Cote des Neiges to build a snow fort!"
Obviously, despite what I was saying, the idea appealed to me. Sadly I had to go to the lab the next day and wouldn't be able to stay even if I wanted to build the fort. But I was convinced to go anyway and grudgingly decided I would go for a few hours just to check it out. "I'm gettin' too old for this s**t!" I grumbled.
Anyway, by the time I showed up they already had the whole fort building thing down to an art. They used recylcing bins to make the bricks and pack them down real tight. Then layed the bricks down. Layer one was pretty much done when I arrived and I was assigned to be "a mason". I imagine in the real world anyone laying bricks and putting mortar in between is a mason, but in snow fort world, masons put snow in between the laid bricks and packed everything tight so it was smooth and solid. Those who made and laid the bricks were called brick layers. The masons fancied themselves more skilled than the brick layers who really did a crumy job on the back wall. Likewise the brick layers though brick work was more difficult and we were constantly at odds. "You call this a brick ya lace wearin' panty elastic?" Pam and I were masons for most of the time and I truly feared she would bludgeon me to death with her shovel
Every hour I would say, "mmm... I should really get to work." But with every layer we added to the fort I became more committed. And I definately wanted to be around to plant the flag. We used a big plastic KFC banner that the late and great Kenny Chu stole in the summer, folded it up and placed it on a bamboo stick. But what to write on the blank side? Looking at yonder gravestones Lindsay proposed, "No zombies!" I suggested, "How about, Zombie barracks?"
They all grumbled and told me, "No, we want something that implies it protects from zombies."
Me: "Oh I see.. How about... Zombie Sanctuary?"
"Chris you're not getting this..."
"No, no I am... How about... Zombie Safehouse?"
We settled on, "FOR SALE" and put Dan and Lindsay's phone number on it. Then planted it piously in the North Eastern Parapet. Actually I don't know if those little things can be called parapets but it's the word we started using and we stuck to it.
Surprisingly only 1 onlooker decided to join us, a guy who apparently watched most of the project from his apartment. He brought at very least ten soda bottles and vodka bottles filled with water to seal up the weak points in the fort. We calculated that we used some 140 recylcing bin sized bricks to build it, and it was four layers tall not counting the "parapets".
When I did the rounds to look at the completed work, I noticed that the senior mason, Val, had really done a beautiful job smoothing out the fort. It looked like it had grown out of the ground rather than built from bricks. He actually traced lines into the wall to create the illusion of bricks... and someone drew a naked lady on it.
Following that... a snowball fight of course (video available upon request if you see me on msn)... And then it got dark and they closed the cemetery. I got to work at about 6pm! Will I ever grow up? Unlikely.
The End
No comments:
Post a Comment