The Saddest Post Ever...

Here's a quick history of MastaCSG and video games.

Once upon a time, a video game called Street Fighter 2 was released. This was back when MastaCSG was just plain old Chris Gregg in an elementary school. But even then, my gifts were obvious. I was virtually undefeated in that game. I was so good I would actulally play with my back turned to the screen so that others would have a chance. I would still win. Droopy Mcc can attest to that fact.

Years later, Mortal Kombat, Killer instinct, Mario Kart.... A similar situation arose. I was like... the chosen one of video games.

To bring some balance to the universe, God created the real time strategy game, Warcraft 2. Only one person could beat me at that game; Mr. Kenny Chu. Aside from him, I dominated that game much as I dominated Street Fighter 2. Again, Vrej can recount the savage beatings he got in that game, though others have experienced my awful wrath. I think after a while, Vrej didn't even understand how he was getting beaten. He couldn't boast a single victory against me. He may as well have tried lifting a bus over his head, because I would not be defeated! Soon, he would just stop mentionning Warcraft 2 altogether. Like it never existed.

And then there was Halo. As I've explained to the good Rezaul Haque, the fact that I'm one of the few in our circle that didn't own Halo, kind of gave others a fighting chance against me. I still have many impressive victories in Halo, but nothing that has created anything close to the complete humiliation I used to conjure in my glory days.

This is why God has created Halo 2. This will be the game that Rez will be talking about the next day at work. "I don't know why I can't beat the Masta!!!! This shouldn't be possible!! Allah, why?????"

It will be the game that Vrej never talks about.
Rez: "Hey, Vrej, I hear Chris schooled you at Halo 2 last night. AGAIN!!"
Vrej: "I don't wanna talk about it... There is no Halo 2."

It will be the game that kids around the world will be crying to their mommies and daddies about, "I hate you for getting me Halo 2 for Christmas. Some dude named MastaCSG from Canada just humiliated me in front of my little friends... AGAIN!!!"

CHRIStmas indeed. You guys better effing practice, because if history is any indication, you will have your asses handed to you again, and again and again... Santa Claus will peer in through your window and wince at your humiliation. "Holy s**t!" Santa will say, "That sumbitch got his ass handed to him!!!" Then his elf will say, "You are correct Santa. One might say, that gentleman got served!"

"F**K!!!" Blitzen will bellow, his primitive reindeer mind somehow comprehending the severity of your many defeats, sheer incredulity forcing the animal to release a steaming load of reeking feces upon your rooftops!

Vrej, openning a christmas gift: "Ooh, what's this?? A present from Chris??? OH NO!!! NOT MY ASS!!! Handed to me... AGAIN!!!" weeps bitterly.
Vrej's Mom: "Vrej! Stop playing that game!! There's reindeer s**t all over the house!!!"
Rez, busting in through Vrej's front door: "Vrej man, I need a mop!!"
Vrej: "...Reindeer droppings?"
Rez: "Aye... Reindeer droppings..."
All three simultaneously: "DAMN YOU MASTACSG!!!!!!!!!"

The expense... The neglected studies... The waning frequency of social interaction... My God.. It will be beautiful. This Christmas, Chris Gregg will regress to a state of immaturity the likes of which hasn't been seen in over a decade. And if immaturity is the peanut butter, then video game prowess is the strawberry jelly, each condiment present in equally excessive proportions to bring strife and grief to all those who dare pick up their X-box controllers and challenge me to Halo 2.