Some of you are probably familiar with the www.hi5.com network. It's basically a friends network. And you can browse your list of friends and see if they know people you know and then add them to your network. Anyway, it's really cheesy.
Now a while ago, this dude added me to his list. I knew him from school and I always found this guy a little effeminite. I guess the first clue was when I called him gay and he seemed genuinely upset. "Hey, nice shirt. What are you, GAY??? HAHAHAHAHA!! Woah... stop crying man... Stop crying!" Not exactly my proudest moment and eventually someone told me he is in fact gay. I didn't think he was gay cuz I remember he had asked a girl I know out on a date. Anyway, no hard feelings I guess cuz one day he added me to his network of friends. What's funny is if you look at his network of friends half of them are these muscly guys with no shirts. I guess that's what gay guys do... pose with no shirts.
Whatever... More recently, I noticed someone named Jean, trying to add me to their list. I did not know this Jean guy, but I noticed he was not wearing any shirt either. My spidey sense was tingling. Normally I would just add any person to my list without question. But something about this guy...
So I decided to look at his friends... Page after page of muscly guys with no shirts on... No wait... There was someone with long hair and a tube top... At first glance, yeah, I would even have to say she was a woman of some sort. At a closer glance I realized she was not a she at all. She was a he. And he was dressed as a woman. Maybe he was even a transvestite. And his gender was listed as male.
Well, that settled it. I rejected the friend request and cursed bitterly for fate to have dealt me such a hand. The men in his circle of friends were probably for the most part, if not entirely, homosexual males. And I know exactly the homo who was responsible for connecting me with this pack of gays! Sure enough, this jean guy is friends with the gay guy who added me to his list a while back.
Now I've been accused of being a homophobe, mostly by women. But you know what? It's easy for them to say! It's not their ass out there on the line! It's not a very comforting thought, many big gay men with my picture available on the internet to be uploaded to their spank bank?
I was not happy. You know why? Not because of the thought of an entire penetentiary worth of large gay men who were a mouseclick away from adding me to their "friend's list". Because I wonder why, WHY God couldn't make a hot girl come across my picture and add me as a "friend"? Is that so much to ask? For some hot stalker girl to come across my pic while she browses this inane network and say, "Hey, this guy isn't so bad. I'm going to just add him to my friend's list and proceed to court him." It would have made my night! It would have made my month! Maybe we would have gotten married in the mountains... And there would have been trumpets, and flowers and garlands of fresh herb... And we would dance from sunup until sundown. And our grandchildren would have heard the story of how I met their grandmother.
Me: "Before telepathic implants, there was this thing called the internet and your grandmother added me to her friendslist.."
Grandma Gregg: "OOoh, your grandfather was so cute... He had this picture with a little lampshade on his head..."
Me: "I remember a week after that fateful friendlist addition, when our limbs were intertwined in the various postures of the kamasutra..."
Grandkids: "GROSSS!!!"
But no!!!... No hot girl, no garlands of fresh herb. Just page after page of homos, Homos HOMOS!!! It was kind of a slap in the face. God seems to enjoy mocking me. "Heheh, I hate this motha f**ka MastaCSG. I will make many homosexuals aware of him." Am I really a bad guy? Did I do something bad in a past life? Is this a joke, does God sit up there on a cloud and high five all the angels, "HAHA!!! Did you see the look on his face when he saw like 20 pictures of gay men and transvestites???"
I suppose I was overly upset by the incident. Then it occured to me why... I AM A BAD GUY!!! This was all payback because I was mean to the original gay guy back in the day. Karma if you will. I was really mean to him. I should learn my lesson. Words can hurt. Probably not as much as getting rough man love from large homosexuals... but it's a different pain I guess. I used to think I was just unlucky and God enjoyed torturing me, but that simply isn't the case. Often times, I'm a heel. And I enjoy being a heel! If there is a God, he would probably have to punish me because I do and say things that hurt other people. So God, if you're among the many Gregg Factor-philes around the world and you're reading this post, I'm sorry. And gay guy... I'm sorry to you also. I'd apologize in person, but I fear you and your circle of "friends". In the future I will be more careful of what I say to others.
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