A few weekends ago I had Alpha Posse over. We feasted on submarines while watching the hockey game. But one of us (at least one of us) wasn't enjoying himself. Kenny Chu, a member of the Alpha Posse Elite, had noticed a strange squeaking noise that would pipe every 10-17 seconds or so. I off-handedly told him that I didn't know what the noise was and that I had chosen to ignore it for the past few months. I speculated that it could be the plumbing in the building.
Kenny: It kind of sounds like a fire-detector that's low on batteries. Beeping so that you know it's time to change the batteries.
Me: I seem to remember something about a fire detector in this apartment... I don't think it's that. If I did find a smoke detector I'm sure I would have just removed the battery. So, nuts to you and your putative smoke detector!
And so the beeping/squeaking noise continued. And Kenny was getting rather agitated. His eyes would dart left, right up and down. His fingers clenching in and out. Nostrils flaring. He was going kind of nuts. Meanwhile everyone speculated on what the sound could be.
Rez: Maybe it's a mouse.
Vrej: Maybe it's the table.
Rez: Maybe it's the window.
Vrej: Maybe it's star wars.
Kenny: Maybe I'll KILL YOU ALL!!! RAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRR!!
At this point Kenny tore his shirt off and began rampaging through my apartment. He began smashing plates, throwing furntiure. He hurled Rezaul into a wall with a visceral snarl. "HOW CAN YOU LIVE WITH THAT NOISE?!?" he demanded, hoisting me up by the throat and shaking me.
It was a good question. Why is it that a noise that would drive most people insane, was something that I decided to just ignore? Instead of finding out what the problem is and fixing it, I just accepted it as part of my life. I can remember hearing it during the night, or while I was watching television. That tiny unpredictable peep... It was quite annoying. Loud enough to be noticed every time, but unpredictable, so it's always like a surprise when it happens. It really was quite intrusive. But I just accepted it. Maybe it had taken a toll on my sanity and I just never noticed.
Just as Kenny was about to snap my neck, his eyes moved toward a pile of books on the window cill. He moved the awkwardly placed books and lo and behold, underneath was the errant smoke detector. With a triumphant cry he removed the battery and in an instant, the beeping noise that had plagued my apartment for months was gone.
The funny thing is I had gotten used to it. Throughout the night my eyes would turn to the window cill and I barely noticed. "What are you looking at, Chris?" the guys would ask a few times. Was my subconcious craving the familiar sound of the beep? And what did all this say about my personality? Not only am I a slob for leaving a smoke detector under a pile of books, for months apparently but I"m also kind of deranged for living with that noise for so long. Is it laziness that prevented me from finding the smoke detector? I doubt my smoke detector detection abilities are any less than Kenny's. Why didn't I act to change this unnaceptable situation in my life?
Walking down the hall of the apartment building today I heard a sound that sounded very much like my old squeak. Having not heard it in a while, the experience was quite jarring. I almost felt dizzy for a second. What will be the consequences of my prolonged exposure to the beep? Will it trigger insanity whenever I hear it? Will I fall into a depression in its absence? Only time wil tell. Strange psychological experiment.
I should get funding to lock kenny up in a room and have him live with random beeping for a few months. Then release him into the world and produce the beeping noise when he's around a large croud of people. Will he go nuts and kill them all? Maybe Kenny will become the ultimate military weapon. I can see George Bush unleashing an entire legion of Berserker Kenny Chu Chu's onto unsuspecting nations with desirable national resources. And me having to live with the guilt of creating this heinous weapon, much like Einstein when his work lead to the invention of the atom bomb. Yes, I'm comparing myself to Einstein.
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