I already have the approval of my committee members to go ahead and do the Phd and very enthusiastic encouragment from my supervisor. It all seemed a little too easy. Am I really ready to do a phd? I'm not even sure which letters I'm supposed to capitalize when I write PhD. The funny thing is I still haven't officially transferred to the fastrack program. It's been months and months now and I haven't made a final decision. And that indecision has spread to the rest of my life. Sometimes I can go to McD's and it feels like my head is about to explode as I try to decide what combo to get. And the worst part is, after toiling over that mundane decision for what seems like an eternity, I eventually get the same thing I always get. A Royale with cheese and some chicken nuggets.
But I digress. The problem is this Phd thing. If I could just make up my mind about that, ordering junk food would become much easier so I figure this is something I should really work out. Ever since I was young I wanted to be a "mad" scientist. My parents bought me a chemistry set when I was young. Strangely enough, I don't think I was turned onto science by actual scientists but rather the fictional ones. Particularly the villains like Dr. Octopus, Dr. Bad Vibes, Dr. Mindbender and Dr. Doom. I have a Doc Ock "posable sculpture" in my office which students find rather amusing. It's kind of an irony of today's world that the archetypal villain is so well educated and powerful and the heroes are usually happy go lucky jocks. It's almost like popular fiction is demonizing the value of being educated.
Prof X (what's he a professor of exactly?) Doc Brown from Back to the Future, the Ghostbusters, Spock. All were very inspirational to me. These are the scientists who stick with me. On many occasions I have used X-men and Star Trek as educational tools to explain genetics to the students.
Me: "Actually, the mutants in X-men all have the same mutation. It's in the X-Factor gene."
Student: "So how does that result in so many different mutant powers?"
Me: "First of all, it's politically incorrect to call them mutant powers. We call them gifts. Second of all, it seems likely that this one mutation causes hypermutation in other regions of their genome and..."
Student: "Will this be on the test?"
Me: "If I have any say in the matter...yes. My dream is that one day X-men lore will be a part of the curriculum."
So I wonder to myself, is it a problem that fake science is far more interesting to me than real science? Do I like science or just cheesenormous cartoons? I think it's very obvious that what I really want to be is a cartoon super villain.
And there are certain things that villainous scientists need to be succesful. Namely a cool villain name. Most of the profs at Concordia have cool names. Dr. Storms, Dr. Dragan.... Dr. Malevolent... I might have made that last one up, but you get the point. My name is hardly threatenning. Dr. Gregg? Meh.... If my last name was Sinister I wouldn't think twice about getting a doctorate.
I would also need a good plan for taking over the world. Generally speaking, this involves some super weapon that is a great threat to the general population. Now my research does involve lifespan... Maybe I could find some way to make myself immortal while shortenning the lifespan of everyone else in the world. A good plan... But it sounds like so much work... Maybe I'm too lazy to be a villain.
Finally I guess I would need some kind of nemesis. Like James Bond. But I don't know anyone as cool as Bond who could step up to the challenge of being my nemesis. Who will foil me when my plan gets out of control? The ultimate irony of the villain is that, he has to be foiled. If all his plans are realized, then he'll have nothing else to aspire to.
Then I'll have to buy strange wardrobe, a monacle, probably a cape of some sort. I dont' think I could pull off a cape. What a sad villain I would make, in sneakers and a jogging suit. The biggest threat to free world, the slovenly Dr. Gregg. His nemesis, Droopy Mcc, who beat him at Risk recently. And here he comes in a T-shirt and jeans... Booo...
Of course there are other considerations that cross my mind when I consider doing the Phd. Like will the degree over-qualify me for most jobs? Do I really want to devote my entire life to resarch? I love research, I'd love to make some big discovery... But... Then I'd have to... study more... Pipette solutions more... Stare through a microscope for hours a day. The cartoons I used to watch never showed that aspect of science. It was all just megalomania and ghostbusting. Is it my fault I was misled during most of my childhood? I mean, check out these so called, "real scientists" Watson and Crick. Cool names yes, they even have some villain creed as some people (mostly feminists) accuse them of having stolen the most important data for their discovery. But they've hardly taken over the world. I dont' think they've even tried. And where are their capes?
My supervisor says Crick fell asleep during a talk he was giving. And look at them! I would fall asleep too! Existing in black and white the way they do. BORING!!!
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