The Most Important Criterion of All

This Saturday I was killing sometime, openned up MSN to discover they had finally chosen a sexiest man alive for 2007. I clicked on the link expecting to see my name, picture and reasons why I was so sexy when I see Matt Damon's ugly mug, beady eyes and all as sexiest man alive. I was somewhat irate. Is Matt Damon actually a good looking guy? I mean, is it just because I'm a guy that I can't see it?

A friend of mine, who I know has a thing for Matt Damon was pleased by this news. I told her that Matt and not Masta had been voted (chosen) sexiest man a live. She then went on to list certain criteria that were necessary for one to be voted sexiest man alive. Among those criteria was not being a thug rapper. Another was being fairly old, around 40 years old.

But she had missed the most important criterion of all... BEING WHITE!!!

My racism sense was tingling the moment I saw Matt Damon with that ridiculous simper on his face. Were there any non-white sexiest men alive? Just one... Denzel Washington some 10 years ago. For over two decades they have been choosing sexiest men alive, and only one of them was not white. I went on to tell my friend that People's Magazine was racist and so was she for supporting their non-ethnic choice of sexy men. The list is also inherently discriminatory towards the deceased. What kind of a world is this? She then argued that there are few ethnic people in the media as good looking as their most popular white counterparts.

I was outraged and embarked on the awkward and confusing mind trip that was rating the super hunks. I first looked at the list from People magazine in disgust. Even if they're going to pick old white guys, where's Captain Picard on this list? Where's Blair Underwood? I guess they discriminated against him because he has a moustache.

Then I decided to think of non-white people who should have made the list. Aside from myself, I think Tyrese... I think that's his name... The black model? Or am I thinking of Taye Diggs? He's a good looking man, no? What about that asian guy who played Seraph from the Matrix? Ummm.... The Brown Guy from Heroes is pretty good looking.

There! You can see my outrage. 20 years of sexiest men alive, and they haven't included Tyrese the black model or the asian guy from the matrix. Eff People Magazine! But I suppose that generally speaking if there's a black guy or an asian guy in a movie or TV show they are present, mostly, to be the black or asian stereotype. Black guys are around to be criminals in movies. Even Denzel! How many images of Denzel Washington do we have of him getting dragged away in handcuffs, riddled with bullets or brooding passionately in a jail cell? Oh man, does Hollywood love to see Denzel Washington's characters get in trouble with the law. Not the sexiest images, but Denzel was sexy enough to overcome it. As for other black people, they're usually portrayed as thuggish criminals, not really the good looking super hunks/knights in shining armour, who save the day and get all the ladies. Or these days doctors... Either way at some point you see them covered with blood.

Contrast that to the people on the sexiest man alive list... When you think of the white guys on the list, you immediately think of them in suits. I know I do. Several of them were in Ocean's 11, 12 and 13. Brad, George, Matt. They all got to wear nice suits. Bernie Mac and Don Cheadle were in these movies too, but Don Cheadle was some kind of engineer and where as Brad, George and Matt were in suits, seducing women and being stylish in casinos, Don Cheadle was somewhere digging a tunnel or stealing some device. Not so sexy. Meanwhile George and Brad were living it up. Where are they in this picture, by a pool or something? NOT in some freaking mine? Big surprise. I can see Don Cheadle in talks to do this project,

Don: "Cool! Ocean's 11? Do I get to wear suits and go around carousing in Casinos and hotels?"
Producer: "No... You'll be in a dark dank tunnel, while the white people are topside, making sure everything runs smoothly."
Don: "Man... This is some bulls**t!!!"

So we have miners, criminals... Black men in dresses anyone? Big Mama's House, Tyler Perry movies, Eddie Murphy movies... In fact, not only is martin lawrence wearing adress but he's holding a gun too! Not only is he demasculated but stereotyped as well!!

I'll continue to do my homework to see how I can become the second Black, sexiest man alive. This is definately something that has to change in our world... Starvation, aids, crime, poverty should all be put on the back burner while we adress this issue.

Punk Kids

I was about to take the metro the other day when I saw some punk kids attacking a poster with a metal pipe that they found somewhere. "LOOK AT THAT!!! RIGHT IN THE FACE GUY!!!" It was sunday night. Poor stupid kids... They can't have a very happy homelife if sunday night is juvenile vandalism night.

Last week I had to start going to work a little bit earlier, and I ended up taking the bus with the high school kids in the neighbourhood. You know what's fascinating? The meticulous way that kids sort their marijuana. They have a little case, and they often seem to be manipulating it somehow. I never quite understood what they were doing. Removing the seeds? If only they were that focused on positive things like... homework. The day after I saw that display, there was a guy who got on the bus smelling of weed and playing his DS.

I was just thinking about back in the day, there was a news story about some american kid who went to Singapore and decided to spray paint one of the cars. The punishment for that in Singapore is to beat the transgressor with a ratan stick. I have one at home. It must have really hurt. And somehow this turned into international news, whereby the kids parents tried to get him out of his just desert. I'd love to have heard the conversations between the kids parents and the owner of the car.

Parents: "Couldn't our son just apologize?"
Car Owner: "Of course he can apologize. After he gets his ass demolished and I'm compensated for damages."

I was so happy when he finally got his beating. And you know what? If you read the story, it seems that he really took it like a man. He should be proud. It's a shame that the best discipline he received in life was from an inanimate rod instead of his parents. Seriously though, the kid did have a really tough life. I don't think that means he should be exempt from caning. In Singapore, if you are on Death Row they don't even bother caning you. You're just hopeless. The kid should be grateful they even thought he was worth beating. I think there are some kids in Canada who would benefit from a good beating.