The Most Important Criterion of All

This Saturday I was killing sometime, openned up MSN to discover they had finally chosen a sexiest man alive for 2007. I clicked on the link expecting to see my name, picture and reasons why I was so sexy when I see Matt Damon's ugly mug, beady eyes and all as sexiest man alive. I was somewhat irate. Is Matt Damon actually a good looking guy? I mean, is it just because I'm a guy that I can't see it?

A friend of mine, who I know has a thing for Matt Damon was pleased by this news. I told her that Matt and not Masta had been voted (chosen) sexiest man a live. She then went on to list certain criteria that were necessary for one to be voted sexiest man alive. Among those criteria was not being a thug rapper. Another was being fairly old, around 40 years old.

But she had missed the most important criterion of all... BEING WHITE!!!

My racism sense was tingling the moment I saw Matt Damon with that ridiculous simper on his face. Were there any non-white sexiest men alive? Just one... Denzel Washington some 10 years ago. For over two decades they have been choosing sexiest men alive, and only one of them was not white. I went on to tell my friend that People's Magazine was racist and so was she for supporting their non-ethnic choice of sexy men. The list is also inherently discriminatory towards the deceased. What kind of a world is this? She then argued that there are few ethnic people in the media as good looking as their most popular white counterparts.

I was outraged and embarked on the awkward and confusing mind trip that was rating the super hunks. I first looked at the list from People magazine in disgust. Even if they're going to pick old white guys, where's Captain Picard on this list? Where's Blair Underwood? I guess they discriminated against him because he has a moustache.

Then I decided to think of non-white people who should have made the list. Aside from myself, I think Tyrese... I think that's his name... The black model? Or am I thinking of Taye Diggs? He's a good looking man, no? What about that asian guy who played Seraph from the Matrix? Ummm.... The Brown Guy from Heroes is pretty good looking.

There! You can see my outrage. 20 years of sexiest men alive, and they haven't included Tyrese the black model or the asian guy from the matrix. Eff People Magazine! But I suppose that generally speaking if there's a black guy or an asian guy in a movie or TV show they are present, mostly, to be the black or asian stereotype. Black guys are around to be criminals in movies. Even Denzel! How many images of Denzel Washington do we have of him getting dragged away in handcuffs, riddled with bullets or brooding passionately in a jail cell? Oh man, does Hollywood love to see Denzel Washington's characters get in trouble with the law. Not the sexiest images, but Denzel was sexy enough to overcome it. As for other black people, they're usually portrayed as thuggish criminals, not really the good looking super hunks/knights in shining armour, who save the day and get all the ladies. Or these days doctors... Either way at some point you see them covered with blood.

Contrast that to the people on the sexiest man alive list... When you think of the white guys on the list, you immediately think of them in suits. I know I do. Several of them were in Ocean's 11, 12 and 13. Brad, George, Matt. They all got to wear nice suits. Bernie Mac and Don Cheadle were in these movies too, but Don Cheadle was some kind of engineer and where as Brad, George and Matt were in suits, seducing women and being stylish in casinos, Don Cheadle was somewhere digging a tunnel or stealing some device. Not so sexy. Meanwhile George and Brad were living it up. Where are they in this picture, by a pool or something? NOT in some freaking mine? Big surprise. I can see Don Cheadle in talks to do this project,

Don: "Cool! Ocean's 11? Do I get to wear suits and go around carousing in Casinos and hotels?"
Producer: "No... You'll be in a dark dank tunnel, while the white people are topside, making sure everything runs smoothly."
Don: "Man... This is some bulls**t!!!"

So we have miners, criminals... Black men in dresses anyone? Big Mama's House, Tyler Perry movies, Eddie Murphy movies... In fact, not only is martin lawrence wearing adress but he's holding a gun too! Not only is he demasculated but stereotyped as well!!

I'll continue to do my homework to see how I can become the second Black, sexiest man alive. This is definately something that has to change in our world... Starvation, aids, crime, poverty should all be put on the back burner while we adress this issue.