It should have been simple enough. I just needed to submit some documents for a Graduate Award I was applying for. In all fairness I was late but I was told it was okay.
So I called up the office for the people actually offering the award and naively asked the secretary if I could submit the required documents. She immediately replied, "Sure, but you'll have to make 10 copies of them."
Me: "10 copies??"
Secretary: "YES!!!"
Me: "Of everything?"
Secretary: "YES!"
Me: "Why?"
Secretary: "Because they'll all be asking for copies!!"
Me: "Really? All of them? All of who??"
Secretay: "YES!!!"
Anyway, I hung up the phone wondering if I had misunderstood something. Clearly I wasn't going to make 10 copies of the application and ask my references to make 10 copies of their reference letters. I just concluded that the secretary was completely insane and decided I would send my documents to the graduate awards office at Concordia.
I went to the wrong building and was redirected to right adress. When I arrived there I explained my situation to the receptionist who immediately donned the most dumbfounded look she could muster. "GUUUUUUUUUUHHHH???" She then pointed a trembling finger to a door behind me. There was a woman seated at my desk.
I asked her one question. She made a phone call to get the answer. I asked her another question, and she called the same person back. Finally she just took what I had and went into some dark hallway for a few minutes. While she was gone I noticed the receptionist on the phone looking very perplexed. Whoever she was talking to must have been asking her some really tough questions. "OH really? I don't know.. I don't know... That's strange.. I'll transfer you."
I can just imagine the person on the other end. "Hello... Is this the graduate awards office? What number have I dialed? What time is it? What's your name? Do you know anything?"
Receptionist: "Duuuuh.....??? Uuuurggghhh....?? I know nothing... Buuuuuhh??? I'm an idiot... Let me transfer you to someone who can help you. Gaaaahhh...." And while she warbles the frustrated noises of an over-taxed brain, her feeble mind tries to decipher the strange numbers on her phone and eventually she transfers the person to another random department where an answering machine is primed to take a message that will promptly be deleted the moment someone hears it.
Person: "I need to graduate! Help me!"
Receptionist 2 looks at her phone in disgust: "DELETED!"
The most surprising thing is that the receptionist answered the phone at all. I have never, EVER called a number at school and gotten an answer unless I was actually in a secretary's office already using their phone so that the cretin on the other end would know it was an internal number.
It would be very interesting to see what would happen if you eliminated 90% of the work force in a school. No one really seems to know anything. I mean, 3/4 people I had spoken to today were just there as foils, to lead me somewhere else. And in all of these cases, if you're persistent enough, you'll find someone who has access to the person with the brains. Some sinister mastermind who holds all the keys to solving all the problems. One day I hope to meet this person, so I can bypass all of the simple minded bureaucrats who waste hours and hours of my time anytime I need any help with anything.
The story basically ends with me going back to this lady with a completed application. The fun part is they need an official transcript. I'm told that it takes 3 business days to get. Something that I can print out on my computer right this instant in 5 seconds except it wouldn't be official. I love it.
*disclaimer* some secretary's are lovable, competent and super efficient. They know who they are.
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