This one has Oscar Buzz

Long ago, Milen and I were having a conversation about Samuel L. Jackson. I thought he was the most amazing human being on the planet. Milen disagreed. After perusing Sam Jack's filmography he came across a project due to drop this August. The movie is the ironically titled thriller Snakes on a Plane. (SOAP). Most of us know that the movie is ACTUALLY about snakes on a plane. An assassin decides the best way to murder his quarry is to unleash a crateful of snakes onto the plane. A WHOLE CRATEFUL! Most of us probably even know that Samuel L. Jackson threatenned to not do the movie if they dared to change the title.

This discovery was made sometime last October I think? And I told myself, as I told Milen, one day in the not so distant future I'll see the trailer to this and soil my goddamn pants with laughter. That day has come.

http://www.tagworld.com/snakesonaplane

Pants soiled! I couldn't have imagined it being any more perfect than that. Is this possible? I can't believe what my brain is telling me. He's shooting the snakes? There are people screaming as snakes emerge from every nook and cranny... on the plane? Different kinds of snakes??? Coming out of a woman's cleavage??? CGI rattle snakes, coral snakes, adders....??? CGI cobras??? SAMUEL L. JACKSON BEATING PEOPLE WITH SAID SNAKES????? SNAKES ON A PLANE!?!? AN AEREOPLANE??? OH SMEG, WHAT THE SMEGGING SMEG HAVE THEY SMEGGING DONE????

Someone made money for this? Did they just pic random words out of a dictionary? I can do that... Let me do it now... Razor back Ghosts... There.... Again. Sacerdotal-Facelift! Ingenious-Quean! Starring Raquel Welsh as the Ingenious Quean.

At this point it's over for movies. Not only should Samuel L. Jackson retire, movies should retire. The entire industry. This is just too insulting. They're not even going to try anymore? They just...Snakes on a Plane? Snakes are already very misunderstood creatures. This movie is racist against snakes.

My dad has a strong dislike of snakes. There's a story back in the day when we found a snake with orange stripes on its back crawling through the grass. Me, being a 10 year old biologist said, "Reptiles with bright colors are usually poisonous!!" My dad generally doesn't take anything I say seriously, but he wasn't about to take any chances. My dad attacked it with a broom stick. The snake slithered into a little hole next to the wall. "Let me get my CRAZY ass outta here!"

My dad wouldn't let the villain get away that easily. My sisters and I all gathered around the hole and watched in tense wonder as he poured bleach down the hole, hoping to fumigate it out. The snake didn't come out so he poured gasoline down there. The snake still didn't come out. So my dad lit that sumbitch on fire. The snake shoots out of the hole probably wondering, "What the f**k did I do to deserve this sh*t?!" And as a grand finale, my dad takes a broomstick, and with the accuracy of Donatello the Ninja turtle, smashes the thing's head repeatedly. Fatality. It kind of makes you wonder what it's all for? I mean, does a snake have a sense of justice? Does it have a soul, isn't going anywhere after being so unfairly murdered?

Anyway, we then put the snake in a jar and for some reason brought it to the SPCA. It was a family outing we all went wondering what terrible wonders they would tell us about the beast my dad had slain. The hemp wearing hippy at the counter looked from the ravaged corpse to my dad with true disgust. His words were something like, "What did you do this for???" Disdain flashed in his eyes as he handed us back the jar and watched us leave in shame. Not a proud moment for the Gregg Family. HOWEVER, I'm certain that story is far more layered than SOAP will be. I think I should write the screenplay for that snippet of my life. Snake under the Hizzouse.

There's nothing more I can say that hasn't already been said about this movie and the idea of putting Paula Abdul on television. It's ridiculous, random and upsetting.

Regardless I will go see it in the theatre when it comes out in August. I can't wait to see it... Talk about it at length. I want to BE this movie.

Kenny says:
I Chu Chu choose this movie...

***FUN FACTOID!!!*** There's a theory that people have phobias of things like snakes and spiders because back when we were cavemen, we needed a hardwired instinct to deter us from approaching these creatures because being macho, we would attack the puny things and then be injected with their deadly, deadly venom.