Did you know that March 8th is Women's day? International Women's day no less! I found out today during an interesting exchange with a co-worker. Apparently in some country they get gifts for this.
Co-worker: Did you know today is international women's day? Back in my home country we get gifts and don't work for the day!!
Me: Really??? Why don't you celebrate by making me a samich, woman!?!
SLAP!!!
I was talking to a dude I know and he said he should buy his mom something for Women's day. Isn't that what Mother's day is for? And Mom's birthday? And Christmas?? I mean for crying out loud, can I go through one week without buying someone a gift? What if this international women's day thing catches on? I'll be screwed. Everyone with their birthdays and their Xmas and their cot-tanged Mother's day, Father's day...
Everyone's trying to dip into my pockets! It wouldn't be so bad if it was just a gift, but having just recovered from Christmas I feel slightly shell-shocked. You know what really bothers me about Christmas? Wrapping paper. I'd love to travel back in time and shake hands with the psychotic genius who decided that gifts, as expensive as they are needed to be wrapped in paper, a dwindling resource, something we spend a great amount of effort trying to recycle; Charging good money, for something that exists simply to be discarded! That's a true sign of a wealthy society I think. And don't get me started on greeting cards. Is it just me or have cards become less clever and more expensive? Where my dawgs at on that one?
"Happy Birthday, Bro!" Open the card up, "I hope you get a naked lady and/or some beer or something! HAHAHA!" 5.80$ US
or
"Look, I'm a goddamn dog!!! Maybe I'm surprised or confused..." open the card "Happy Birthday!" 8.50$ US
or the most brilliant, "I'm a frightenned cat" open the card, "You're how old?" 9.45$ US
Then I think to myself, black history month just passed. I didn't get s**t! I think it's time to start commercializing Black History Month. Create some kind of scam where all non-blacks have to buy things and treat their black friends. And I want our gifts to be wrapped in aluminum foil, just because it's expensive. And hell, since the Queen of England stole the biggest diamond in the world from Africa and put it in her scepter just to add insult to injury, I say the traditional gift for black people during black history month should be a diamond, diamond related or encrusted with diamonds.
Imagine the obnoxious greeting cards for that? All the racist things that white people tell me on a daily basis anyway, in card form! "Hey, when we heard you were black we knew we had to get you something!" open the card, "Fried Chicken and/or watermelon! Cuz you're black! And we're idiots! HAHAHAHA!" 11.50$ US.
or
"It's black history month, so we thought we'd take the opportunity to call you the n-word!" open the card, "You're Nice!(with hearts all around) *in small print* what did you think we were going to call you? HAHAHA!" 12.50$ US.
And so forth for all 28 days of February.
Furthermore Black History Month should be moved to July which has 31 warm days and no snow! We're not physically adapted to cold, putting Black History Month in February is more racist than not having a Black History Month at all!
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