There's something very relaxing about living alone. For some reason I wanted to eat an orange. It doesn't seem like something you should eat at night, so I was pleased at myself for being so edgy and extreme. Anyway, before orange eating I was reminded by Vrej that the Grammy's were on. He expressed feelings that he was superior to the entire concept of the Grammys and I was hard pressed to argue with him.
At this point my plans for the evening were to watch the Grammys while eating an orange. I spoke to Janine and confided my plans to her. She likewise seemed to feel she was better than the Grammys and was not impressed that I was going to watch.
One of the first things I saw was Mariah Carrey's performance. The chubby "diva" comes on stage with too much cleavage as usual and was singing some kind of gospel song. You know, she's not a horrible performer, but I find she's not hot enough. And somehow I always felt it was wrong to sing praises to God while being dressed like a skank. I can just imagine God looking down from heaven right down her dress and being not too impressed. "Why did I make this woman skanky AND fat?" Then as a final slap in the face, God has to watch as the walls behind Mariah Carrey open and a Gospel choir "takes us home" with an inspirational hook. Gospel; meaning good news... The good news is, when they bust out the choir, it means the song is almost over!
Teri Hatcher and Michael Buble come on stage. Lathspel I name them! Teri Hatcher says, "Wow, after Mariah's performance I feel like I've been saved... or something." I was lying on the couch all by myself with orange peels in the bowl in front of me and I told Teri Hatcher to "Shut the f**k up!" I actually swore! All by myself like some kind of crazy person I cursed at the television.
Then they were presenting an award in some category that I can't remember. Anyway, they had nuff contemptible female artists. What category is so loathesome that the nominees are Gwen Stefani, Mariah Carrey, Ciara and Missy Elliot and some girl who's name I can't remember. "And the winner of the most offensive female media personality is... SOME WOMAN WHO'S NAME I FORGET!!!" (Mandy Moore? I really forget). She gave a very annoying acceptance speech.
Jay-Z and Linkin Park won an award. When the Linkin Park guy was done thanking people he offered the mic up to Jay-Z. Now this was strange. Jay-Z simply declined speaking. As if he really had nothing to say to the collective scum who had gathered to give him an award.
Then there was the usual Grammy dealy where they put a rapper together with some old white guy. This year featured Paul McArtney and Jay-Z. Wow! It was a tribute to something. I don't remember what exactly. It could have been a tribute to Jbo's blog for all I know. They sang the Linkin Park/Jay-Z song and a Beatle's song.
But what the heck! Seeing a white guy and a black guy butchering a song together... It almost makes you forget that there's racism in the world. Very positive stuff. Speaking of forgetting, do people forget how to sing when they're on the Grammys? Paul McArtney's voice sounded terrible and so did Ciara's. But at least what Ciara lacks in talent she makes up for in hotness. What does Paul have? No street cred, no stage presence. He said something like, "I've never done the Grammys before. So I'd like to rock a bit... I'd like to rock a bit... NOW!!!"
:-o
????
BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!! Why just a bit? Does he know that's all I could stomach.
This was Paul's chance to say something. He's getting on in years and his opportunities to speak on stage will become fewer and fewer. If I was him I'd say something really shocking. "F**K YOU GRAMMYS!!! I HATE YOU ALL! NONE OF YOU IDIOTS HAS ANY TALENT!! AND NEITHER DO I!!!" *drops the mic, grabs his nuts and storms off*
I'd say it's also an opportunity for God to make his presenece felt. With all these simpletons thanking him, after they're singing about doing drugs and being materialistic sinners he should do something really cool. I know if I were God, sitting up in heaven staring down Mariah's dress I'd patiently wait for her to hit one of those high notes that peels the linoleum right off your kitchen floor. And just as that happens I'd make a swarm of locusts erupt from her cleavage. 1000 locusts for every person present. And they'd carry off Gwen Stefani and her Japanese entourage, dropping them into the pacific ocean to be consumed by sharks. The locusts would then proceed to eat everyone else, leaving behind Stevie Wonder, Steve Tyler and a few other select cool people. Maybe Common.
Who's responsible for the Grammys anyway? What's up with award shows? People with money arbitrarily decide to start doling out awards. I mean, they gave a lifetime achievement award to Richard Pryor. I love Richard Pryor but, he's not a musician. How can they just decide that they're good enough to send props to him in the afterlife? And what could be more subjective than music? You have Gwen Stefani in a category with U2, Kanye West and Paul Mcartney for best album???
AND!!! Why does it seem like they segregate everyone in the auditorium? Bono's sitting right behind Paul McArtney, he has to walk all the way over to black people land to give Kanye West props??? This sounds racist.
I think I'm getting old and angry. Even the commercials made me upset. I hate the commercial with Jessica Simpson and the pizza poppers. Where she sings... Then Queen Latifah's voice can be heard saying, "Pizza is good!" Then Kermitt the Frog and Miss Piggy are there for some reason??? AAACH!!! I'm getting real tired of this garbage. Grammys. Exploitation of muppets by Jessica Simpsons. Exploitation of Japanese women by Gwen Stefani. The world is so wrong.
In summary, Grammy awards this year, barely rivals Folies at Centennial High. Vrej and Janine... You are both better than the Grammys. (Christina Aguilera is also better than the Grammys she did a really nice number with a jazz musician. I'm sorry she gets lumped together with other pop scum. She has talent and potential. I'm sure some other people are better than the Grammys too but I didnt' see them.)
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