Talking in the lab today I wondered to myself if just putting a hidden camera or would yield some kind of interesting reality television. Sometimes in the heat of a conversation it's not obvious how absurd it sounds. But sometimes I stop to listen.
The first thing I noticed was everyone in our lab is completely deaf. To the point where everyone is just saying, "What? Huh?" It's ridiculous. Like Dave Chapelle's Little John sketch. "WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT? WHAT??.... WHAT??? ookAAAYYYYYYY!!!" You end up repeating things that really don't need repeating.
Me (burning myself on the bunsen burner): "OW!"
Lab guy: "What?"
Me: "I said ow!!!"
Lab guy: "I can't hear you!"
Me: "Nevermind."
Lab guy: "No, tell me what is it?"
Me: "I said OW!!! It's a verbal expression of pain! OW!! I burned myself, you idiot!"
Lab guy:" .... "
Me: "...."
Lab guy (scratches himself): "...."
Me: "...."
Lab guy: "WHAT?"
or
Me: "I know the theme song to the old Spider-man cartoon by heart."
Lab guy: "What? Spider-man is Italian?"
I also noticed a tendency for all of us to get very defensive for no reason.
Lab guy 1: "I think you're a filthy swine! Which is ironic because you're jewish and therefore cannot eat swine!"
Lab guy 2 (offended): "Wait a minute... did you just call me... Inedible?"
And then of course there's just straight up profanity for its own sake.
Lab guy: "What's this on my cereal?"
Me: "I'll give you a hint... It's semen. My semen! I'm a serial rapist."
Get it? Serial rapist? Cereal rape? It's funny cuz there's semen on the cereal. Bah, what know you for funny!? Anyway, thought you enjoyed this page from the life of me. Don't ask me how these exchanges get started... One day I should really bring some kind of tape recorder to the lab.
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