To me, R.Kelly has always written the worst songs ever. I mean, lyric wise. The tunes are always amazing and catchy but the actual words to the song are usually absurd to the point of hilarity. Songs like, "You remind me (of my jeep)", "Kickin it with your Girlfriend", and "sex in the kitchen" are bad in so many ways. Disrepectful to women and absurd, but that I can deal with!
R.Kelly's most recent work includes Trapped in the Closet, a 5 song epic which he calls a hip hop opera. I don't know why he doesn't just do the obvious and call it a HipHopera. But that's neither here nor there. What is here and there is that you all MUST watch, cuz it's simply the funniest thing I've seen in my life.
http://www.r-kelly.com/index_main.html
So for starters it's a song about cheating. Fine, he's a bastard, that's not really surprising. But when the guy who's wife he's sleeping with walks in, he pulls a gun on the dude? He's like a psycho!!
I think what's brilliant is that he's the one toting a gun, but he's always telling other people to calm down. And even at the point where he's pointing a gun at the woman he just slept with, her gay husband and the gay husband's boyfriend, she still thinks they could work things out!?!
"All o y'all asses crazy, let me up out of this door!
Because this is way more than I bargained for!
Then she says wait, I'm sure we could all fix this! "
But the kicker, is by part three, it doesn't even seem to be an issue that he's having an affair. The real issue is his utter disgust at being in the room with two homosexuals. I don't have to emphasize the sheer hilarity of the fact that when forced to come up with names for two gaylords, R.Kelly settles on Rufus and Chuck. Then when Chuck says it was a living hell to be creeping around in hotels with his man, R.Kelly cocks his gun, points it in Chucks FACE and says, "Brotha, spare me the details!" And then when Rufus says they're getting married, it's more than R.Kelly can stands and he actually fires a bullet into the air!
"Not another one of you sons of bitches say a word!
Cuz all of this shit I'm going through is unheard!!! "
Part five is the most disturbing. He basically threatens to kill his wife, pulls out his gun again! But even wierder is they edit out half of the swear words with the sound, TOooK! "You'd better talk now before I burn this mothaTOoooKer! down!!" Observe the look of sudden mental retardation on his face when his wife says she knows he was cheating.
The whole thing is just so wrong. And long... Much like this post. I mean, it's bad enough that he's a pedophile on the loose, but then he advertises his love of guns and his album still makes millions! I mean, I should be making millions I can write ridiculous lyrics like. I can sing. Am I not dope? Am I not hip? Could I not write a lyric that rivals, "You're in the kitchen, cooking me a meal, something makes me want to come in there and get a feel!" He's just a nutty perv! I'm so angry... This is one album, I won't feel guilty stealing.
Why oh why did Dave Chapelle retire before spoofing this? Oh well, jimmy kimmel will have to do.
http://gorillamask.net/jklpizza.shtml
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