Fortune Telling

I rarely watch the news but like many things, the news makes me angry. What's the deal with a weather report??? What exactly do you have to major in to qualify to be a weatherman? It's the only job I know where you can be consistenly wrong day after day and not be fired. A weatherman can easily give you a 7 day forecast and not even be close for seven of the seven days. "Tomorrow's forecast... 60% chance of rain..."

The next day comes... No rain... You turn on the news... "Well, it seems the rain has 'passed over' us and MAY fall somewhere in the Eastern townships." All the while they beguile us with cheesy cartoons of clouds with eyes and smiling suns. YOU WERE WRONG MOFO!!! Fess up!!! What are you paid for if you can't predict the weather? If I were to randomly guess what the weather is going to be like a few days from now I bet I would be right 50% of the time. Try me... Tomorrow, the forecast is going to be rainy... The day after that... No rain... It's going to be 38 degrees... Then on Friday there will be an earthquake and a volcanic eruption... And it will rain cats and dogs... And the rain will have cat-dog hybrid babies... and these mutants will maul the population... And if that doesn't happen, I'll collect my paycheque anyway! I'm sure there are some animals out there that are more reliable at forecasting the weather... They probably pee on the east side of a tree when the wind is going at a certain speed.. or something... Someone must have knowledge of how to predict rainfall by animals urinary habits.

Health reports are an insulting farce. Today's offering, a "report" about the benefits of a polyphenols in delaying neurological diseases. But if you watch it, there are very few scientists speaking. Just slack-jawed locals, "My dad is old... My dad drinks a lot of wine... My dad is not demented.. Therefore wine cures dementia." Cut to a scientist saying, "Wine contains polyphenols!!!" One woman even had the audacity to claim that her mother was LIVING PROOF that whatever fermented leaf, tiger urine or holy water her mother drank was what kept her mind so sharp throughout old age..

They did "interview" one scientist. They had a few shots of him using a pipette. He alluded to the fact that polyphenols may scavenge antioxidants and suggested they could make a polyphenol pill in the future.

Again... I could EASILY spout out a bunch of mumbo jumbo about anti-oxidants. But if I'm not accountable, what credibility do I have? I could say, KFC contains chicken, which contains fats. Fats are found in brain cells. Therefore KFC could cure alzheimers... I eat KFC and I don't have alzheimers. That's pretty strong evidence for my hypothesis.

You know what delays old age, in plain english: "Exercise and Eat properly." The equivalent information in a news report. "New studies reveal that GRAPES are good for you. They contain polyendoamenic acids that prevent old age."

Some hapless bumpkin: "WOW GRAPES!!! Good for you?? I'd better eat lots of grapes and I'd better eat them exclusively. And I'd better go to the pharmacy and see if they have grapes available in pill form. All the goodness of a bunch of grapes, in one convenient pill. For the on the go slob, who doesn't know any better."

The more things change the more they stay the same. The evening news portrays little more than a bunch of modern day fortune tellers and sorcerers getting paid to convince you that they know something that you don't. Sure there are a lot of facts in there, but they have such a bias slant that people are bound to misunderstand or come up with the wrong conclusions. Maybe the scientist in me makes me a little critical of these feeble reports, but what else could they show the general public? That being said, I WILL go and have a bunch of grapes right now. Grapes contain neuron "mightiers" like polyphenol.