Monday, September 19, 2005

PhD in Blogology

So I got home early today and in my lethargy, watched some Dr. Phil. You know, one of those times where the option is to do something productive, reach out and grab the remote or just play with the cards your dealt? I know K-man will be upset when he reads this but I enjoy Dr. Phil from time to time. It's entertaining.

The episode I caught was some psycho woman who was verbally abusing and terrifying her kids. It turns out she goes out in public and physically assaults people. They told a story about how some woman cut her off in traffic and flipped her the bird, so she followed the woman home and beat her up in front of her daughters. They also say that before getting married there was a restraining order between her and her husband. Anyway, needless to say, very crazy.

But what never fails to amaze, is the fact that people will go on national television and publicly humiliate themselves. There she is, as psycho as she is, with millions of equally psycho people judging her from the audience and the comfort of their own living room. I can just see cousin Merl sitting at home, scratching his head with a machetee,"That stupid bitch shouldn't have kids." meanwhile his 2 year old daughter is playing with the power saw.

And most amazing, is that presiding over the entire thing is The Doctor Phil. With the authority to say whatever he pleases apparently. All the power of Oprah, with none of the humility. I wonder what that feels like? I mean, Dr. Phil can't be perfect right? He must have lots of flaws like everyone else. I'm sure his kids come home and catch him doing something uncouth, "Daddy! What are you doing to that sheep???"

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Dr. Phil is just smart enough not to go on a show and advertise his vices. Quite the contrary. He actually is brilliant enough to sell other peoples problems as entertainment. He uses other peoples problems to amuse us, thrill us and make us feel better about our own lives, as mediocre as they may be. What is he a Dr. of anyway? Rantology? Does he have a phd in mouthing off, like Tom Cruise?

Though I must admit I like seeing people getting told off. And much of what he says I agree with. But I think the real issue is, that everyone has flaws and everyone is blind to their own flaws.

Well, you at least. I'm perfect. I know I'm perfect because I have healthy outlets for my rage. For example, I go to work with a gun and brandish it threateningly when I get into a disagreement, much like R.Kelly. Or I bring plastic explosives to Dave's house and keep my finger on the trigger while we play cards. If I don't like a movie I rented I kidnap the guy from Blockbusters, drug him and tie him to a bungee cord. Then I repeatedly drop him off the side of the building like Batman until he agrees that Basic was the most terrible movie ever made. The moral of the story is, we all have issues, it's how we deal with them, that makes us Doctors.

Yeah, I should have a show... The Dr. Thrill show.

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